Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Sometimes I Just Sit

Sometimes I sit and think and sometimes I just sit!  I  have heard this said and I have said it.  I probably will not say it any more.  I google whacked it and there is tons of stupid junk written related to it.  I never found out who is credited with the saying and I would be embarrassed to use the phrase again.  It is not original or funny from here on out.

My dad used to say whenever he did not want our freely given opinion.  "Who rattled your chain?" or "I don't remember rattling your chain!"  Chain, what chain?  Possibly even more important, they do not rattle.  They clank but you would never say, "Who clanked your chain?"  Remember in "Cool Hand Luke" when Paul Newman says while taking a pee behind a bush, "I'm shaking it Boss".  Now you can shake a chain, a bush or puddin.  I do not think I have ever rattled.

Many times I have failed to "Look before I leaped" and usually it cost me dearly because it is physically impossible to change direction when you are jumping over a bush and going to land on a cactus.  Damage control is an understatement.  Sometimes God expects a leap of faith.  I am in charge of the leap and He is in charge of the landing I guess.  God allows cacti in our lives also. 

I never say "It is what it is" and I will fight for my right to not say it.  Of course it is, what the hell else would it be.  At least, "It ain't what it appears to be" gives you some wiggle room on one's own stupidity.  "It appeared to be a monkey screwing a football but if you can believe it, it ain't what it appears to be".  It still may be what it is, at least I hope so.

Someone said to my the other day, "Hey Matt, what do you think of this?" My gut tells me this must be a trick question.  I look around and say "HMP".  I learned long ago not to say anything if you do not know what to say.  I have failed in this concept so many times.  When my wife asks me if the shirt is ugly or if it makes her look old.  I always hope there is a third choice.  I usually say, "I have no fashion sense, ask Alix".  Since she has moved out, I told my son that he will have to brush up on the fashion stuff.  I got him a subscription to Vogue.  I have learned to place my hand over my mouth the instant someone asks me a question in case I need to edit my response.  My mouth starts moving before my brain is awake.  Hump is the same response as "look before your leap".  OK. 

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