Children

What is the hardest topic to talk about with your teenager

Sex
Drugs
Money
Relationships
Their impending death

I find most subjects fairly easy to talk to kids about.  One of the reasons for the ease is because they are not listening anyway.  I can drift off the subject and not even be accurate and they do not care.  They are in a different plane of existence.   You have to talk straight with children these days.  After about three years of age, adults are in damage control with kids.  Today's children have seen more sex,violence and stupidity than I will ever see.  I say what I think and off they go and I have done my job.  I love them and show them the truth.

My granddaughter asked me why I was so mean to her.  I said.  You do not listen to your parents or have any respect for them evidenced by the way you ignore their wishes and the way you constantly do things that are not good for you. You think you are being smarter than them but really all you are doing is turning into a mean spirited, manipulative bitch.  These characterstics will give you years of misery, loneliness and heartache.  I do not trust you as far as I can fling you so I have to watch you all the time.  I try to give you guidance  (she is really no longer listening so I have to finish quick) and some structure, that may save you some pain in the future.

She is eight going on thirteen. 

I remember one of my kids (high school) did something stupid and they were at the house and it was about two o'clock in the morning.  They were upset and I got out of bed and went and sat with them on the couch.  This child wanted to know why trouble seemed to follow every action.  "Because you are a dumb ass".  Now I had her attention.  I said, "Look, your mom and I love you and are here to help you but if you insist on getting involved in things you know nothing about and with people you know nothing about, you are going to need some help.  Despite what you learned in that pit of hell we called the Jr. High, we are not here to keep you from having fun.  It is obvious we cannot keep you from doing anything so if you would like to discuss some things before you do them, we may be able to avert some bad consequences".I know she remembers the conversation and that is about all I can do.

Now before you start thinking I am some kind of super dad I must let you in on a secret.  I have not freaking idea what I am doing.  I have made way more mistakes than good choices concerning the children.  I think good moves have more power so maybe I am not too far behind.  My new method is called "Whatever".  That was a popular phrase for teenagers about ten years ago.  They wanted us to believe "whatever" but now I mean "Whatever".  My son says "Da, can you get me some milk?"  I say, "whatever".  I may or may not get him some milk but usually in a few minutes I hear him ask his mom, "Mom, can you get me some milk?"  The point is, last time I checked he had both arms, legs and hands and none of them were incapacitated so he can get his own damn milk.  At night I say to him, "Ten more minutes then the TV is off, OK?".  He looks at me with his bad eye and says, "Ten minutes".  I say "Whatever".  See, it works for all occasions.

I do not have much tolerance left for cranky, rude children.  That is because I am cranky and rude and they are stealing from my game.