Stats

I just looked at my blog stats for the year.  I have a few regular readers.  I have maybe six regular readers.  Every once in a while I get a blip from two flat head Neomorphs in the Ukraine trying to snark my machine.  I think they are women because I just think they are.  My niece tells me she gets on to the site every so often and catches up on a whole bunch of them.  I had someone from Iceland reading it for two days straight.  Their computer must have been broken.

Statistics could be exciting if it were not for all the numbers and math.  Pie charts are my favorite statistical tool.  It makes it simple to like pie and charts.  I hate spreadsheets.  Spreadsheets remind me of little people with even smaller wankers who drive big cars.  Spreadsheets have all those obvious numbers that are meaningless without graphs and standard deviations.  My stats look impressive if I blow them up big enough and compare them to KFed's record sales. 

Statistics are everything in baseball.  They try to invent statistics for NASCAR and the NFL.  Does anyone really care about completion percentage or yards per carry?  A repetitive "NO" is required.  Do lap times mean squat in practice runs around an oval.  No.  Most sports including baseball have a shifting baseline.  (One of my favorite web sites)   The 162 game season or in football, the 14 game season all mean something to stat mongers.  NASCAR changes statistics weekly to try to make running around in circles interesting.  Wrecks, fights and groupies make things interesting, not numbers.  Baseball is considered a unique sport because of the statistics.  It is a sport for Eunuchs maybe, if you add in all the new stats. 

My blog has had 2000 visits in a year.  That is about the same as the number of times I went to the bathroom in a year so you see how statistics work.

Sometimes I Just Sit

Sometimes I sit and think and sometimes I just sit!  I  have heard this said and I have said it.  I probably will not say it any more.  I google whacked it and there is tons of stupid junk written related to it.  I never found out who is credited with the saying and I would be embarrassed to use the phrase again.  It is not original or funny from here on out.

My dad used to say whenever he did not want our freely given opinion.  "Who rattled your chain?" or "I don't remember rattling your chain!"  Chain, what chain?  Possibly even more important, they do not rattle.  They clank but you would never say, "Who clanked your chain?"  Remember in "Cool Hand Luke" when Paul Newman says while taking a pee behind a bush, "I'm shaking it Boss".  Now you can shake a chain, a bush or puddin.  I do not think I have ever rattled.

Many times I have failed to "Look before I leaped" and usually it cost me dearly because it is physically impossible to change direction when you are jumping over a bush and going to land on a cactus.  Damage control is an understatement.  Sometimes God expects a leap of faith.  I am in charge of the leap and He is in charge of the landing I guess.  God allows cacti in our lives also. 

I never say "It is what it is" and I will fight for my right to not say it.  Of course it is, what the hell else would it be.  At least, "It ain't what it appears to be" gives you some wiggle room on one's own stupidity.  "It appeared to be a monkey screwing a football but if you can believe it, it ain't what it appears to be".  It still may be what it is, at least I hope so.

Someone said to my the other day, "Hey Matt, what do you think of this?" My gut tells me this must be a trick question.  I look around and say "HMP".  I learned long ago not to say anything if you do not know what to say.  I have failed in this concept so many times.  When my wife asks me if the shirt is ugly or if it makes her look old.  I always hope there is a third choice.  I usually say, "I have no fashion sense, ask Alix".  Since she has moved out, I told my son that he will have to brush up on the fashion stuff.  I got him a subscription to Vogue.  I have learned to place my hand over my mouth the instant someone asks me a question in case I need to edit my response.  My mouth starts moving before my brain is awake.  Hump is the same response as "look before your leap".  OK. 

Thoughts on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  I have said this before and I just confirmed it by living through another "family" party.  Some family parties are excuses and precursors for domestic violence.  Some dysfunctional families get together during Thanksgiving only to drink too much, eat improperly prepared foods and go home feeling much worse than when they arrived.  Families get together out of guilt and insanity.  (Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result)  Meeting year after year in hopes that at least once everyone will get along and be "happy" is nuts.  Or as Benny Hill would say "Das Braininstuff up dehn Umpa". 

The Thanksgiving our extended families just created was truly a time of thanks and giving.  Many different people amassed at my house talked and chit chatted for hours.  The food has always been of the utmost importance and quality.  The children, yes the lovely children seemed to sense that these strangers are of a familiar kind.  They all share games and secrets like long lost friends.  The kids do not know it but these are friends they will have for the rest of their lives and that is as it should be. 

The best group is the old crowd.  My aunts and uncles whom I have literally known my entire life.  We say that phrase often, "my entire life".  This is one situation that rings truth to that phrase.  These people have filled in for our own parents when for whatever reason we needs then to.  They love us like our own parents do or should and their children are as familiar as a brother or a sister.  The old crowd is so fun to watch interact.  They too have been together their entire lives. 

I thanked all that came and I meant it with my heart.  There was food left over and I ate it quickly so to shorten the pain to a few days instead of many.  

Civic Duty

I remember in Seventh Grade I was led into a real voting booth to cast my simulated vote for president of the United States.  It was an experiment in civic responsibility.  I remember not knowing anything about the candidates Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford and thinking that I should for such a huge responsibility as "voting".  I was so scared I did not vote that day or any other of the next two thousand nine hundred and twenty days to be exact.  When I did force my way into a voting booth, I voted for High Speed Rail in Orlando and Bob Graham for governor.    That was 1979.

I only voted for the subjects I knew something about.  I remember the ballot had some other bills and stuff but I did not vote yes or no.  I could not, would not with a goat so I did not will not with the vote.  I have voted for many thing on a fairly regular basis since that time.  I voted against off shore drilling and for Jeb Bush. I voted for Bush Sr. and against W. Bush.  I cast 1 vote for a cartoon character.  He had the best platform. 

Recently, I have tried very hard to vote locally and learn the topics and form an opinion.  I tried to apply the formula, If I cannot reason a choice, vote out incumbent, vote in female, reject amendments, vote yes for modifications.   Also, I believe in using the "Christmas tree" format for the selections.  Hell, it got me through the ACT test for college with a 23 score so I figured nothing but the best artwork for the country.  I do love the ballots where there is a space for a write in candidate.  The candidate formerly known as Prince got a vote one year.  IF I ever vote again, Josie Wales will get a write in. 

I think we should be able to cast a "NO" votes and the candidate with the least NOs wins.  Editorial votes would be nice. 

1.  For County Judge,  To Bit Jenkins, __YES,__NO, __MORON.

Our vote should be a representation of the people.  How are we going to clean up this mess if we have to keep appointing idiots, perverts, liars, crooks and morons to positions.  Those are the only choices.  Since they are not accomplishing a freakin thing accept blowing our tax money and each other, we, and I speak for Americas, do not need any of them.  We should only vote for felons and illiterate inbreds and I am pretty sure things would come around nicely in one election cycle. 

2.  For Election Commissioner
__"Scar" Ellison,, Experience   -  9 yrs for armed robbery and Sedition
__ Sue Benton, former deputy Housing commissioner
__ Richard Markleson, Accountant with tie and bad hair

The only other suggestion I have is that they give away barbecue and water from the local aquifer (if there is a bill related to water usage and health on the ballot)  at the polling stations.  People would show up and have a good time.

Children of Wall Street

I was talking with a deregulator the other day.  He expressed his contempt for government over regulation. 

I don't need anyone telling me what Dr. to go to, what kind of light bulb to buy or if I can buy a gun or not.  He went on to say, "The government needs to round up all those immigrants in Texas and ship them back to Mexico, kick all those dead beats off of welfare and create some jobs for the working man."

I pondered his rant.

I have said before that teenagers think that we make them come in at midnight so as to keep them from having fun.  No, they need some regulation.  The atmosphere they exist in cannot assure safety and good decision making.  That is why we need to regulate banks, healthcare and guns.  Not so they cannot make money and have fun.   Yes it is true they may not make as much money.  Selling guns secretly to gangs is a larger more lucrative market than the general public.  Leveraging our money to one percent of its value will make wall street much richer but when the note comes due, we lose, not the bankers.  Drugs and doctors pushing products and services we no not need make them a ton of money.  I regulated my kids as much as I could.  I want the government to do the same with my tax dollars.

I think the rich should be rich, I think wall street should play its games.  I just want the government to make sure that if they screw up, it does not cost me.  That is what I want from these adolescent bone heads.

I have to write something

I have obtained no mental peace lately and that sets up an unfriendly stage.  The reasons are varied although I think exercise would help greatly.  I need a walk and a good swim.  I usually do not swim.  I hate getting wet with cloths on my body.  This is a new revelation of an old situation.  I look back on my life and I seemed to not like wet cloths.  Wet socks inside wet shoes I can tolerate.  I do not like men's bathing suits even if they are non wetting.  I like them on women.

My lack of mental peace comes from lousy sleep, no money, an increasingly grouchy disposition and fat.   Fat seems to get a bad rap from everyone.  My doctor tells me I am fat and my Thyroid is acting up.  He also tells me I am ugly and I now weigh more than him.  I think the thyroid medication is changing my sleep and maybe helping.  I have never had much money so that should not be adding any great stress.  The increasing grouchiness is kind of amusing to me.  I understand why Mr. Raleno was always pointing and yelling.  He was old and probably not sleeping well and needed to blame it on someone.  The kids say that I am mean and not a very good grandpa.  I tell them their expectations are way to high and life is not fair so get away from me.

Partially, I am at sorts because I never get to work on these blogs any more.  I used to write them, let them cook for a few days, review them, change a few things and then submit publish them.  Now I create and shoot.  Also, I want to paint again and I just cannot get the isolation I need. I also feel guilty because I am not doing my studies.  I am trying to learn a new language and I am not practicing enough. 

So I am out of my groove and in a rut if that is posible.

Friday Science: Vegetable or Fruit

This is a science joke. 

One scientist says to Another scientist, Is a potato a fruit or a vegetable?
Another Scientist looks puzzled.
        One Scientist says "Neither".

I can tell you one thing, those scientist are a crazy, happy bunch.

Actually, in the biological science world, there is no such term as a vegetable.  The world is used ubiquitously in the food world for something that hangs on a plant.  There is a vegetative state that currently describes my attitude at work. 

In the plant world, almost every seed bearing ornament, an apple or an orange, a pumpkin or a squash is technically a "fruit".  So you say what is a potato or an onion?  A root.  What is a guava or a pineapple?  A fruit of course.  If I was a plant, my testicles would be a fruit because they contain the workings for the next generation.  They could never be considered a vegetable or a root, well almost never.  Well, there was that one time in Vegas but I got paid for that.

The Fruit of the Loom guys are three fruits and a leaf.  NO this incident was not in Vegas, this was in Cleveland and there was a leopard skin leotard involved.  "Fruiting body" is a more technical term which encapsulates more function with description. 

Goose Bumps and Butter flies

Whenever I hear the live version of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" with the crowd noises at Shea Stadium I get goose bumps.  Throughout the entire song I am all tingly each time the sweaty, frothing girls kick it up a notch.  I can feel the bumps on my arms and legs with my face flushing and the tingle goes up my neck to the back of my head.  It is sort of like the first time someone kisses you between your clean toes.  I am not sure anatomically what goose bumps are or what they are actually trying to do.  During my senior year of high school football, each game we would run out on the field and the crowd would usually make us feel wanted and needed.  At the beginning of every game I developed goose bumps.  I get them whenever I watch a film of Jessie Owens winning the 200 meters while Dolf Hitler is in the crowd at the 1936 Olympics in Berlin.  So much for the Aryan race.
Sometimes I get butterflies while I am goosebumping.  (Not to be confused with Goose Bumping, that is an entirely different thing.)  Butterflies are more of a stomach thing associated with fear or anticipation.  I developed them at most sporting activities I participated in.  Whenever I walked up to the plate in baseball, my mouth would dry up and my stomach would ache.  Anticipating fear caused the worst butterflies.  Bad report cards or test, police in your driveway when you get home or noises in the middle of the night that sound like a water buffalo is in your kitchen usually give me butterflies. I feel like Don Knotts in "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken".  It is funny, the butterflies go away about the same time the pain starts.  (Not real funny)  Sometimes I would just be walking home and I would get butterflies.  I figured it was a sort of sixth sense and so I would check my balance, alert my senses and start walking like a ninja.  Some mean ass grasshopper would jump out of a bush and land on my head and I would pass out from not breathing while my senses were on high alert.

The butterflies would be gone when I regained consciousness.  The goosebumps would start from all the people that were laughing at my antics.  Just another day in Psychosis City.

Ear Plug Update

A while back I started sleeping with ear plugs to more easily escape the reality of life.  Effective as it was, there have been some drawbacks and some triumphs. 

On the negative side: 

I can report that my ear holes have taken a more rounded shape.  I think that is good except that maybe bugs can crawl in there since I noticed that the ear hair is not as plentiful as it used to be.  I cannot have bugs getting in there.  I was in Honduras a while back and there was a lady running around screaming that she had a bug in her ear.  We passed her off for nuts and to our amazement after tackling her and trying to sedate her we actually found a really small moth in her ear.  Did you ever notice that when something is found in your ear, it feels like a boulder and when you get it out you can barely see the speck.  I guess this lady who was borderline nuts anyway thought there was a Pterodactyl in her head.

A positive result of the ear plugs has been the sleep.  I get at least four hours uninterrupted sleep.  There can be antelope evading lions on the stairs and I just do not hear them.  Of course, the meth heads next door could set up a lab in the kitchen and I would not hear them.  My wife talks to me with these plugs in and she does not know I cannot hear every word (as apposed to not listening) so I say what a few times, nod my head and go to sleep.   

I seem to be missing one ear plug.  One morning I got up and had to do some digging in my ear for the foam thing.  It was past that bone perturbation and really in there.  I could hear myself scratchin my head.  Anyway, I got it out with a pair of dagger tipped tweezers.   Still, I am missing one.  These squishy foam things are expensive. I think four dollars will get you five sets.  Now I know that any nitwit  industrial fabricator could make a thousand of them for ten cents but how will they get rich selling them at that fair price.  I also seem to think that the pressure, small but continuous is causing some kind of jaw malfunction.  I get this clicking sound some mornings emanating from my jaw. 

As a whole, I think the ear plugs are of medium success.  I still wonder about the ear hair.

Telephone Support

I made a call to find out why my telephone bill was as high as it was.  It is the AT&T Bendover Bundle with High Speed Lubricant Extreme.  Surprisingly, I have been fairly happy with the plan.  Lately, I am feeling unappreciated and I think the shelf life has run out on the lubricant.  So I called the AT&T Help Line on the web page. 

He introduced himself as Seth and I wondered if he was outsourced to Krakatoa, Micronesia.   Over the Avian flu like coughing and chattering in the background, he informed me he was from Salt Lake City, Utah.  I decided to check and make sure.  I said, "You sound young, should you not be on a mission?".  He informed me he just got back from Sarasota, Florida and his Bishop told him he needed a job with AT&T.  "Note to self:  At&T is going to be bought out by Prudential Insurance" which is owned by the Mormon Church.  I just watched an episode of Stargate SG-1 where a glowing eyed Seth was a bad guy running a cult so everything seems copacetic.

Me:  So , Hey Seth, my bill keeps going up but I am on a plan, how is that possible?

Seth:  Well, I cannot check your exact account information but I can tell you what plans we have available. 

Me:  Hmmmp

Seth:  Let me have your address to see what is available in your area.

It felt like I was trying to get my windshield fixed all over again.  By the way, I found a windshield, installed at my house, next day for $30 less.  Seth asked me for my zip code, and stuff.  Why cannot a company like AT&T, a big super gigundas company with techno power know from my call where, who and what freakin zip code I come from.  Caller ID should have all that information.  Then the dreaded question:

Seth:  Would you prefer to be called Matt or Mathew, is that spelled with one T as in Tom?

Me:  Matt with an M and two TT's, thank you Seth with an S as in Satan!

I knew at this point, I would not get answers to my questions so lets see if I can point Seth in the right direction.

Seth:  It says you can have unlimited local and long distance for $29.95 each and I do not have a price on the Internet.  Would you like to sign up for this now?

Me:  Na, I want to talk with billing first and find out what the problem is. Thank you Seth.

I really try not to be rude.  I know these guys and gals are just trying to make a living and maybe they are young and just getting through college.  Maybe they have made bad choices and just need a job to support mouths.  I really do try.

earthquake

I just finished a four month journey watching every episode of the Stargate SG-1 series on Netflix.  Now I am not completely sure I started at episode 1.  I watched the show when it was on TV but I never saw every one.  Actually, this time I skipped half of season nine and went to the last episode of the final season.  Since Harry Dean Stanton left the show it was not the same.  That is a joke for you serious SG-1ers out there.

I am not too concerned about those episodes I missed.  The tension is just not there.  They vanquish all foes and if someone dies they come back to life.  They even do that time travel thing.  For those of you old enough to remember "Time Tunnel" it is sort of like that.  Personally, I lose interest when there is time travel.  I am just not on that train I guess.  For me, it is chicks in nice fitting cloths kicking crotches and shooting guns but Stargate SG-1 kept my interest for quite a while.  I cannot really figure out "why"!

I like smart mouthed heroes.  I think satirical people get "it" at a deeper level than others.  I was watching Die Hard II the other day.  McCain is a smart mouth.  I watched High Plains Drifter also.  Even though he says very little, he is a smart mouth anti-hero.  If you cannot joke in the face of death what good are ya.  What are you going to do in your last minute of life? Cry?.   You can do anything that you are willing to die for!  More importantly, if you are not willing to die for it, you will most likely not do it well.

The stargate is a euphemism  for "lets see what is around the next corner or what is the next card in the deck."  I usually can avoid such mental traps but I did not try with this show.  Not only did I want to see what was through the next gate, I wanted to be there for some reason.  I think I would need to carry a bunch of toilet paper to actually go through on a mission.  I do want to see what is around the next bend in the road but not if someone promises to put a giant snake lizard in my neck if I get caught.  I wonder if these evil beast were afraid of a Mongoose.  It may have been that simple to save the universe.

Mulan saved China, Jack Oneill saved the universe, I saved stuff from annihilation.  It is fun and the whole family can help.  I do not recall watching the original movie, Stargate but I remember a show called Starman which I liked.  We all need a stargate to transport us to a place where we did not think we needed to go.  We found that the gate was within us, Indeed!

sleeping in

I read an article about earthquakes in Oklahoma where they are not a common occurrence until lately.  There are small rumbles barely noticeable all the time.  They have had and increase in small rumbles and some of them are larger than comfortable to the locals.

In comes the marginally intelligent, always reactionary pot stirrers.  Fracking is causing the increase in earthquakes and if we continue we will destroy the earth because we pumped some water into a crack one mile into the earth.  Lets look at the facts as I make them up.

1.  These lately earthquakes were diagnosed to have occurred about three miles deep. 
2.  Someone has been pumping oil out of the ground in central Oklahoma for almost 100 years.
3.  Fracking is an increasing trend.
4.  Most fracking is occurring in older wells to extend production.
5.  The average Oklahoma person, like the rest of the country is becoming more ignorant about science and the whole mess.
6.  Oil companies are NOT our friends and they lie.
7.  Earthquakes release billions of tons of force when they crack, shift or slide.
8.  Drilling companies require high pitch squealing sounds so they routinely request the services of Mariah Carey since Micheal Jackson is dead and he was a flammability risk.
9.   Lots of chemicals are used in fracking but none are used in earthquakes.
10.  Earthquakes and earthquacks are not related.  Earthquacks are most likely stupid.

In summary:

Most likely, earthquakes are not being created by fracking or drilling in general.  It could be a cumulative effect of 100 years of disturbing the ground.  Oil companies have also done a cumulative negative effects for the world.  They have  been pumping chemicals out of the ground (oil and gas) and replacing it with chemicals, body parts and old home movies of J. Edgar Hoover.   As a rule of mine, I do not figure that anything the humans can do can trigger an earthquake.  Even the atomic bombs did not do it.  I think it takes something like an ice age, a global flood or another movie with Eddie Murphy, Jim Carey and Rob Schneider staring. 

winshield

Last week Andy Rooney died of old age.  I am glad he is a writer and I can read his words and relive his utterances.  I will be able to picture him grouching through his topics while always hiding behind his eyebrows as if to say, "Hey, do not look at me, listen to the words.  I could listen to them all day long.  Most of everything he said was his honest opinion and needed to be said.  Like the wisdom you expect to hear from a grandparent or the old guy down at the park. 

Joe Frazier died this week.  He was one of the greatest men ever and even Ali knew it.  Liver cancer got him at sixty seven years young.  He was an Olympic Gold Medal winner and the Boxing champion of the world.  He used what he had, a hard head and a lethal left hook that could scare the bejesus out of you and worse.  I miss watching him fight.  A few years ago there was a 60 Minutes piece on him and he was a polite, reserve gentleman  that accomplished some truly great things.  I hope history will be kind to Joe. 

I know that Andy and Joe are now sitting together talking about the great fights, David and Goliath, Ike and Tina, Liz and Richard.  We are supposed to be careful who we idolize.  I cannot go wrong with Andy and Smokin Joe.  I miss you guys already. 

Questions

I have been driving around for more than a year with and ever creeping crack in my windshield.  I promised my daughter that I would get it fixed soon.  While sitting at a stop light, a man ran up to my car and handed me a card that said "Economy Windshield and Glass".  I would prefer it to say "cheap" so I called the number but he must be out of business.  The internet gave me three locations near my house for windshield replacement. 

I hate calling for quotes and anything like that.  So I call the phone number that shows the bubble locating the shop about a mile from my house.  Drive in, twenty minutes and I am out with an as promised new windshield.  But noooooooo!  The overly polite fragile lady starts in with the questions.

Me:  "Yes, I am looking to replace my windshield; it is for a 1998 Honda CRV.  Can you help me with a quote?
Fragile:  Certainly sir, This is All-American Auto Glass Co.  How can I help you?
Me:  Yeh ah, I need a windshield.
Fragile:  Let me get some information and I will help you with that.

With my opening statement, I gave her everything I need to get a price and availability on a windshield so she needs to use her opposable thumb and punch in the data and give me a quote.  but Nada.

Fragile:  Sir, what is your zip code?

I am thinking of all the questions she might ask me (penis size, do I have a dog?) and zip code was not one of them.  Since this is a complete bullshit question, I always answer 99898 to the zip code question.  This is the zip code for Rat Island in the Alaskan Archipelago, about 1000 miles west of Anchorage.

Fragile:  Thank you sir!   Now, how can I help you.  Did you say you need glass for your automobile or trailer? We have a full line of glass for cars, trucks and trailers.

Me:  Windshield for a Honda CRV, 1998. 

I tried mixing up the information.  Maybe if she hears it in a different order, her marbles will fall into the holes. 

Fragile:  Ok, just a few more questions? (Remember she has asked me how she can help me twice already.  I am beginning to think she cannot.)  Is this the front windshield?
No, it is the one up your ass.  Three days later I am still thinking about this question.  I never thought of any other glass on the car being a windshield unless I am someone who drives backwards all the time.
Me:  Yes!!
Fragile:  OK, is this an insurance claim?
Me:  No!
Fragile:  So, you are going to pay for it yourself? 

I hope  that was a rhetorical question because I only have a few answers left to give before I hang up so I did not answer. 

Fragile:  Ok, thank you!  What is the year and model of the car, truck or trailer?
Me:  1998 Honda, CRV it is green with dents all over it and a crack in the windshield.
Fragile:   Oh, that is too bad, is the crack larger than six inches?
Me:  Oh Yes. (about the size of the one in your head)
Fragile:  What is you name and insurance company?

Now, for the most irritation question I ever get from anyone!
Fragile:  Would you prefer to be called Matt or Matthew?

You can call me Candy Ass Libby if you will just give me a freakin price.

Fragile:  Ok, the computer is a little slow today, please be patient.  Ok here it comes.  (Now remember I called the Cocoa, Fl.  phone number)  Oh, I see you are in Alaska, our nearest associate is in Nome, Alaska.  That is 1186 miles from your location.  They can do it on Monday morning.  Would you like me to make you an appointment?
Me:  I do not think I can make it Monday.  (There are no bridges or cars on Rat Island)
Fragile:  Well, for $39.95 additional charge we can fix it at your home.

I was so tempted to say Ok and let that order go through but I did not.
Me:  Ok, so how much will it cost for a windshield for a 1998 Honda CRV?  (fourth time I asked this question)
Let me see what the computer says, OK, that will be $229 and 73 cents, tax will be extra.  Did you know a front windshield is part of the overall safety plan for your car?(rhetorical I hope)
Me:  I do not have $229.73 so I will have to wait a paycheck or two. 
Well, sir, I will keep this in computer and when you call back, ask for discounts and they price may be lower.
Me:  Thank you!

I may be driving around with the cracked windshield for a little while longer.

Friday Science: Global Warming/Climate Change

There has been four or five articles that are rearing the ugly head of global warming.  The Fascist Right thought they had killed this Levampian Smurf.  The Liberal Way Outs even thought it was useless to talk about because they changed the name to Climate Change.  One can be pretty sure the weather will not stay the same so "change" is a good vague name to use.  (Do not go running to your American Collegiate Standard dictionary for the word Levampian, it is not in there.   I made it up.  There is a similar word somewhere but I could not think of it at the time of this writing.  The context is correct.  Also, the dictionary is still an extremely cool book to read.)

The interesting points in the articles were not just that the temperatures are getting warmer but that some of the indicators associated with the phenomenon are verifying the data.  Giant iceberg calving processes, huge ozone-less hole getting bigger over the Arctic, and Micheal Jackson, Siegfried and Roy, Jonny Bravo and Lady Gaga all have the exact same hair.  

Still, with all the posturing and the sticking of the head and obviously the butt in the sand, the big question is "what if anything can be done about it?  Can we reverse the trend toward warming, increase its progress, change the way we do things.  Probably all of the three. 

Here is what we can do without much effort and if many people did these simple things we could save the planet at least in our grandchildren's time here on Earth.

Stop buying plastic as much as possible.  That includes plastic packaging.  Plastics have made oil companies rich.  They have not improved our lives at all.  Well, maybe disposable diapers to some degree.

When the recyclers start mining the landfill dumps for metals and plastics, they will unleash a torrent of microbes that will make the world literally sick. So that is the second thing we can do for Climate change.   Personal recycling.  Do not let someone else recycle your waste.  Do it yourself.

The third thing is to teach your grandchildren to not procreate.  The planet will be dying by then and there will be no reason or ability to have a good life.

Children

What is the hardest topic to talk about with your teenager

Sex
Drugs
Money
Relationships
Their impending death

I find most subjects fairly easy to talk to kids about.  One of the reasons for the ease is because they are not listening anyway.  I can drift off the subject and not even be accurate and they do not care.  They are in a different plane of existence.   You have to talk straight with children these days.  After about three years of age, adults are in damage control with kids.  Today's children have seen more sex,violence and stupidity than I will ever see.  I say what I think and off they go and I have done my job.  I love them and show them the truth.

My granddaughter asked me why I was so mean to her.  I said.  You do not listen to your parents or have any respect for them evidenced by the way you ignore their wishes and the way you constantly do things that are not good for you. You think you are being smarter than them but really all you are doing is turning into a mean spirited, manipulative bitch.  These characterstics will give you years of misery, loneliness and heartache.  I do not trust you as far as I can fling you so I have to watch you all the time.  I try to give you guidance  (she is really no longer listening so I have to finish quick) and some structure, that may save you some pain in the future.

She is eight going on thirteen. 

I remember one of my kids (high school) did something stupid and they were at the house and it was about two o'clock in the morning.  They were upset and I got out of bed and went and sat with them on the couch.  This child wanted to know why trouble seemed to follow every action.  "Because you are a dumb ass".  Now I had her attention.  I said, "Look, your mom and I love you and are here to help you but if you insist on getting involved in things you know nothing about and with people you know nothing about, you are going to need some help.  Despite what you learned in that pit of hell we called the Jr. High, we are not here to keep you from having fun.  It is obvious we cannot keep you from doing anything so if you would like to discuss some things before you do them, we may be able to avert some bad consequences".I know she remembers the conversation and that is about all I can do.

Now before you start thinking I am some kind of super dad I must let you in on a secret.  I have not freaking idea what I am doing.  I have made way more mistakes than good choices concerning the children.  I think good moves have more power so maybe I am not too far behind.  My new method is called "Whatever".  That was a popular phrase for teenagers about ten years ago.  They wanted us to believe "whatever" but now I mean "Whatever".  My son says "Da, can you get me some milk?"  I say, "whatever".  I may or may not get him some milk but usually in a few minutes I hear him ask his mom, "Mom, can you get me some milk?"  The point is, last time I checked he had both arms, legs and hands and none of them were incapacitated so he can get his own damn milk.  At night I say to him, "Ten more minutes then the TV is off, OK?".  He looks at me with his bad eye and says, "Ten minutes".  I say "Whatever".  See, it works for all occasions.

I do not have much tolerance left for cranky, rude children.  That is because I am cranky and rude and they are stealing from my game.

The Constitution: Final Thoughts

This is the last episode of the Constitution articles.  I found myself dreaming about the writers and what a huge exciting deal they were involved in.  I was involved in the Shuttle Science program in the beginning and looking back it was very busy and exciting.  Here are some observations about the Constitution. 

The State of Florida never seems to ratify Constitutional amendments.  Out of the 27 amendments, Florida only ratified nineteen of them.  The ratification process only requires a 3/4 majority for passage so I guess by the time it gets to Florida's turn to vote, the amendment has a majority so they just blow it off.  Still, lets finish the damn ratification process guys.  I think States should be called out when they do not ratify.  How can we expect anyone to participate if the State Legislature does not.

Most amendments are simple and quickly ratified except the one's concerning congress's rights.  Most amendments are initiated by the voice of the people.  The issues are usually singular and straight forward.  Sometimes they are too simple and need a big fat "DUH" sticker placed on the top of the document.  Most amendments take about a year to proceed from "proposed" to "Ratification".

I may never vote again and Rhode Island is still an odd name for a state. 


The Bill of Rights were the first set of amendments and these issues were all "leftover" items that were not dealt with in the original Constitution.  The Founding Fathers knew they had to get a completed and signed Constitution for the country so they agreed to differ some issues to the Bill of Rights.  The Reconstruction amendments were the second set of amendments and those were used to settle some issues resulting from the Civil War and the emancipation of the negros. 
The remaining six or seven amendments were not worth going to war over type issues, but almost.  Lawyers started to realize they could make some money slamming the Supreme Court and by challenging policies that took 200 years to create.  Most of these remainder originated as legal challenges. 

The third set coming in a few years,will be trying to keep congress funded while the country is in anarchy.  I predict that congress will repeal the third(quartering), the fourth (search and seizure)and the eleventh (immunity shit) amendments so the congress persons can do whatever they want, anywhere they want and not have to pay for it because there will be no money in the treasury.  Congressman will be living in our houses while they are touring the country.

The two amendments that took the most time to ratify were dealing with restrictions to power for the congress. The 22nd (three years) deals with presidential  term limits and the 27th (200 years)  tackles a simple congressional pay issue.   NO SHIT.  Lets ask Russia and Venezuela how that no term limit thing is working.  If you want to take a slippery step backwards in human rights, do not limit the power of the politicians.  There are limits for a good reason.  I have a lawn mower that had a note on the oil cap, "Do not Overfill" like too much lubrication is a bad thing.  Spare the rod and spoil the child.  Too little control over horny, spoiled, smarmy, self-centered, legal minded, hoser political persons would be like sparing the rod or not using enough lubricant.  Trouble is the only thing that will take root on parched land.  Did you ever notice the shit that grows in your yard after a drought kills everything!

The rest of the Constitution is the nuts and bolts of how to run a government. I tried to read it all but I just could not get through it.  It is a cool document and my admiration goes to the founders of this document and country and my respect is higher than ever.  I am completely dishearten at this point by our state of affairs and I probably will not vote not because there are not issues but because there is no longer a point to support a system that does not work and is not fixable. 

Job was asked what he learned from all the misfortune he was subjected to and I think he said, "Never scratch a festering wound".  Exactly.  Just leave it alone.

It remains the same

I am listening to a NASA announcement about the new direction.  Boeing is there, Space Florida is there, partners are there.  Space Florida is a group of cronies composed of old retired NASA and retired contractors.  The exact people that let Skylab fall, Apollo end and the Space Shuttle program die.  They will kill the Space Station because there is no money in it for them. NO real money. 

I have been watching all the layoffs out here and you cannot find anyone with a salary of $100,000 or more being let go.  Many of these managers have changed seats and business cards but no real changes are occurring.  There is very little new blood or new ideas taking hold in this country.  All of the new jobs being created will give people jobs making 1/3 to a half as much as they were making previously.  The new buzz words are no longer "work  better and smarter", they are "work for less and be glad because we can find someone else to do it". 

I wonder if Purdue Chicken  will be able to replace the slave labor that the immigration laws are running off?  Will the service sector tax base be able to support the next bailout of the rich?

The clarity of the situation is too bright for my eyes.