Horse Talk

One of the horses that live on our property continuously finds ways to get out of the pasture and go visit an old mare about half a mile away.  We do not know exactly how he gets out.  I decided to talk with him about it.

Maynard is a five year old dark brown horse with a white foot on one leg.  His mother and father were both white horses  I am pretty sure the other horses laugh and doubt the authenticity of his lineage.  Maynard  thinks his mama must have sown some wild oats and he is shamed.

Me:  Mayno, why do we keep having to go down the street and bring your hay burning shit factory carcass back home.  You used to just come home and be waiting in the front yard in the morning.
Mayno:  That old gray mare.  She talks sweet to me and I lose track of time.
Me:  Time, Can you tell time?  What time is it?  I am pointing to the clock on the feed room door.
Mayno:  Time for carrots?
Me:  Look, I have fixed all the holes in the fence, how did you get out last night?
Mayno:  Jumped
Me:  Liar, your daddy was a jumper but I have never seen your lazy ass jump.
Mayno:  I am hurt.
Me:  That ole gray mare ain't what she used to be you know.
Mayno:  Where?
Me:  (with a smile on my face and turned sideways)  What a dumb animal.
Mayno:  Yes I want some carrots.
Me:  Why are you limping?
Mayno:  You are not going to tell Miss Lisa are you.
Me:  She brought you back from the mare, remember!
Mayno:  Did she give me an apple?  I do not want to run around the pen.  It smells funny.
Me:  Away with you!

I never feel better after these talks.  I cry often and want to run away.