Experiment: Miss Lenards Ninth Grade Earth Science
I wanted to challenge the physical laws of Newton, Darwin, Dr. Doolitle and Gloria Swanson.
I can assume for the sake of science that everyone knows that if you hold a cat upside down by his feet and drop it, the feline will contort itself and land on its feet. This experiment has been an example of spookery for centuries. Cats always land on their feet even if thrown off a mountain. They break their legs quite often though.
Everyone who has the mental capacity of a lizard knows that if you place peanut butter on a piece of bread and accidentally drop it, the peanut butter side will flip over and stick to the floor, dirt or homework. This also is an acceptable excuse for not turning in your homework because every teacher alive knows this is a true physical law. Peanut butter has some magnetic field that sucks it down toward gravity. The bread also has some sort of aerodynamic thrust in the process. Bread with any spread on it, except olive spread will flip over and be face down in the sand. Plain bread just falls to the floor.
What happens if you attach a peanut buttered piece of bread to the back of a cat, peanut butter side up and suspend the felius Catus upside down by its feet from the ceiling and let it drop. It will be the classic battle of spooky forces.
I tried it and the cat landed on its feet every time. So, in spite of the cat's objections, I added more peanut butter and after four tries and an ever increasing amount of peanut butter (chunky), about two pounds of it, the cat landed splat on its back. I wanted to try it again but the cat rolled over, jumped up, broke through the glass window and off it went down the street twisting and rolling all the way. There was a pack of raccoons hot on its trail. Coons love peanut butter and they hate cats.
I received a grade of C minus for my science fair project. They said I lost points for cruelty to animals. I never saw the cat again which is not surprising, it was not my cat.
I wanted to challenge the physical laws of Newton, Darwin, Dr. Doolitle and Gloria Swanson.
I can assume for the sake of science that everyone knows that if you hold a cat upside down by his feet and drop it, the feline will contort itself and land on its feet. This experiment has been an example of spookery for centuries. Cats always land on their feet even if thrown off a mountain. They break their legs quite often though.
Everyone who has the mental capacity of a lizard knows that if you place peanut butter on a piece of bread and accidentally drop it, the peanut butter side will flip over and stick to the floor, dirt or homework. This also is an acceptable excuse for not turning in your homework because every teacher alive knows this is a true physical law. Peanut butter has some magnetic field that sucks it down toward gravity. The bread also has some sort of aerodynamic thrust in the process. Bread with any spread on it, except olive spread will flip over and be face down in the sand. Plain bread just falls to the floor.
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| Cat with peanut butter prior to the drop |
What happens if you attach a peanut buttered piece of bread to the back of a cat, peanut butter side up and suspend the felius Catus upside down by its feet from the ceiling and let it drop. It will be the classic battle of spooky forces.
I tried it and the cat landed on its feet every time. So, in spite of the cat's objections, I added more peanut butter and after four tries and an ever increasing amount of peanut butter (chunky), about two pounds of it, the cat landed splat on its back. I wanted to try it again but the cat rolled over, jumped up, broke through the glass window and off it went down the street twisting and rolling all the way. There was a pack of raccoons hot on its trail. Coons love peanut butter and they hate cats.
I received a grade of C minus for my science fair project. They said I lost points for cruelty to animals. I never saw the cat again which is not surprising, it was not my cat.
Now THAT'S funny. Who in their right mind would think of such a thing? I'M more out of my mind than you and such randomness would never enter it.
ReplyDeleteBravo.