Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Band-Aids

Adhesive bandages.  A great invention from the early part of the twentieth century.  The adhesive bandage was originally used for and by soldiers.  Your dried blood no longer has to hold the gauze on the cut.  The basic bandage is still the same as the original.  There have been some improvements, modifications and failures.

The damn thing will not stick to my skin but it will stick to the wound.  I was a major user of these types in the 1960's.  My wounds were usually the oozing kind from scrapes and road rash.  Any other kind of cut usually involved a trip to the doctor for stitches and a tetanus shot.  the band-aid would stick until the next first sweat and then it fell of in the sand or something.  Once the wound started to dry, the band-aid would be stuck to the wound yet the tape ends would be flapping in the breeze creating pain and anticipatory worry.  This drama led to the next invention.  The gauze was coated with some kind of non-stick shit.  It was probably some sort of Teflon.  Americans were not getting enough Fluorine in our diets from the water and toothpaste so the Sith Lord Drug Companies decided to inject it directly into our cuts with a pad that would not stick to the oozing wound.  Now, as all great improvements eventually end up, the band-aid had achieved its goal of not sticking to the wound so when the next first sweat came along, there was no drama, the little bastard just fell off painlessly.  I never used a band-aid of any brand from those years that stuck to the skin like advertised.

In the 1970's, Johnson and Johnson set out to make a better bandage.  The tape would stick to the skin, the pad would not stick and they even added stretch tape.  One thing is for sure, the tape was sticky.  If you stuck it to dry skin, it was going to stay there.  Sweat and dirt would never release it, EVER.  Hot glue could not match the holding power.  I think J&J developers received help from the Duct Tape guys.  The tape also bounded irreversibly to itself also.  Once you pulled those friends of Satan, the tabs, you better have a quick place for the bandage to go.  If the tabs wrinkled or blew in the wind sticking to itself, you were done.  You needed another bandage.  Do not try to un-stick it, you are like a tin horn dictator at a Cesar Chavez Conference, you are toast.

The tabs are another thing entirely.  Friends of Satan?  Most likely.  Minions of the dark underworld? Certainly they must be.  Have you ever tried to "throw" them away?  How many times did you pick them up before you realized there was a force field around your trash can that only your hand could penetrate.  Even if your hand was directly above the trash bin, that tab was not going in.  Even if your hand was below the rim of the trash bin when you released, somehow, mystically the tab would float up against gravity and then stick to the floor.  I tell you this to save your soul.  Physically place both tabs in the bottom of the trash bin.  Place a one pound weight on the tabs and release them slowly. Back away cautiously and never look back.

For reasons I am not quite sure about, someone, J&J or Bristol Meyer came up with the string idea for opening a band-aid.  The string was supposed to be pulled from a safe distance and the bandage was supposed to jump out and land on your boo-boo like an inflatable life raft.  Usually, I ended up with a string in one hand and a jumbled up mess in the other hand.   At best, the string would tear half way down the paper and then release leaving me with the option of trying to open the existing package with a sharp knife ever fighting the urge to end it all, getting a new one out of the box and trying to throw the remaining mess in a trash bin or lighting the box on fire and heading for the local pub with a trail of blood following like a Hansel and Gretel story.

I love band-aids now.  Even the generics are good.  They have medicine in them and they stick to wet skin.   The tabs still haunt my dreams and only old first-aid kits have the ones with strings in them.   Thanks, Earle Dickson and your accident prone wife.  I was accident prone also and your invention has soothed many other kids along the way.

1 comment:

  1. So true about throwing those damn things away! You're so good at this.

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