Thursday, October 13, 2011

Columbus Day - October 12

This day morphed into an independence day in South America where they needed a boost in freedom.  I am pretty sure that Columbus not only did not know where he was because he thought he was in India but I can reckon that he did not know what day it was.  The Caribbean is smack dab in the middle of hurricane season around the time he was discovering naked nubial wenches with coconut dinnerware.

Some holidays, important ones like Thanksgiving have been designated a specific time of the month, like the fourth Thursday in November.  The fact is John Smith was poking Hontus long before the fourth Thursday in November.   Rumor has it Jesus was actually born in the summer.  Holidays are mostly in the winter (in the United States) because our masters thought that our mental health would be easier to control if we had something to cheer about during the suck ass cold winter and soggy spring months so they broke up the monotony of bowling and curling with holidays.  Hell, in Russia they just get drunk and commit suicide during the long winters.  I had the urge to emol myself when I watched "Dr. Zhivago for cripes sake. 

Some say Columbus brought sexually transmitted diseases to America.  Now there is something to have a holiday about.  Those sea fearing dudes had high boots and lots of farm animals on the ships.  I think Venereal Diseases were quite common in old Spain prior to 1492.  Don Quixote was not chasing windmills for nothing.  The Saint Anthony's Fire was quite common throughout Europe. 

My company does not celebrate the holiday by giving us a day off.  As a government contractor, we come to work while the government takes the day off.  We get about three days of work accomplished in that eight hour period or we do absolutely nothing and leave early.  Christopher Columbus was a brave dude, kind of effeminate but brave.  His crew was about a week away from mutiny because lets face it, Nina, Pinta and St. Nick were lost.  Sea serpents (alligators) were everywhere chasing the mermaids (manatees) and the crew was more interested in the sheep than swabbing the deck.  He got lucky in the Bahamas but so did I for that matter and that was an expedition for the ages.  Thirty five drunken Rugby players and an Ice Princess.  Well, I am glad we celebrate events in history.  Accurate or not, it gives us some use for grade school  history classes. 

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