Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Shampoo and Conditioner in One

This morning in the shower, I decided to use the shampoo with conditioner on the loofa for a good scrub down.  I came out tingling and smelling all fresh.  My skin was smooth and soft just like the commercial said.  My hair was luxurious and full.  Here is the problem with this situation.  I have hair all over my body.  Luxurious and full creates some problems.  Smooth and supple skin can be dangerous when you consider motion and friction.  Did you ever use furniture polish when cleaning the oak wood stair treads.  The Carnuba and Whale brain wax makes furniture shine and streak free.  The dusting towel flows effortlessly over the furniture.  Stairs become like a toboggan run when venturing down with socks on.  Conditioners have wax in them.  They call them emollients.  So now I have full and slippery hair all over my body.  My hand charges through my scalp like an air boat through swamp grass.  I slapped at a mosquito on my arm and my hand slide off like hot syrup on ice cream.
I noticed when I was dressing that my hair indeed was full and oh so soft in my private areas.  My arms swung with a freedom seldom felt.  My strides to the kitchen seemed longer and more effortless.  I was floating on a conditioner fluffed mass of hair.  When I went to sit down it was like sitting on an extra pillow.  Too much information you say, well read on.  My thighs rubbing together create an exhilarating rush.  My back hair cushions the chair like never before.  At work, I actually felt better, a more lively gate.  People in the hall would say; "Boy you seem different, so upbeat and alert".  I am feeling luxurious and full" I said.  I kept rubbing my arms and thighs, what a great feeling.  I kept tossing my clean smelling head of hair like some supermodel on a photo shoot.

After lunch, I had a meeting in another building.  It was hot and humid of course.  The five minute walk over to the meeting seemed to let the air out of my rubber duck and my full hair.  My thighs no longer glided past each other.  My arms started to sweat and I think a rash is coming on.  I know that by the end of the day I will have swamp ass.  As I returned to my office, I reflected on the morning shower and how this stuff could be addictive.   This was shampoo and conditioner.  What about some of those hot oil conditioners that fix split ends. That sounds dangerous.  Did you ever wonder how the hair treatment repaired the split ends and what would happen if the ends got all tangled up and stuck to each other.  Anyway, I wonder what other adventures I can find in the shower. 

I have one other question.  Shampoo is soap.  Shampoo and soap are used to clean oil and dirt, from hair, cloths, dishes, whatever. The definition of dirt is up to interpretation.  So, hang with me, if shampoo (soap) cleans oil and dirt, what is conditioner and how does it keep from reacting with the shampoo?  How does the shampoo know to clean the hair and scalp and leave conditioner (fats and oils)?  I wonder if this is some conspiracy type thing.  Let's see, a billion dollar industry?  Most likely a conspiracy.

I always try to buy shampoo without conditioner.  I cannot handle the confusion and the mystery.  Showers are a place of refuge and relaxation; my Sanctuary.

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