Laundry

I love  fresh, clean laundry.  I do not love stinky, wet, grimy piles of fermented cotton and muslin.  In today’s high tech world with all its new deadly germs and inadequate fail safe systems, I would prefer to not sort dirty cloths.  I cannot believe that industry could not invent either color safe bleach that works half a shit worth or colors that can stand up to bleach bleach.  Chuck this one into a conspiracy theory box. 

Anyway, I have shoulder length rubber gloves that I use mostly for sorting cloths.  I also use them for my biological warfare research and sometimes at very private parties with not so private people.  Once the white cotton laundry and bleachable stuff is sorted from the none bleachable stuff, I have to decide which one I put in the washing machine first.  I like to bleach during the rinse cycle when I actually turn the damn cycle off and let the bleach water soak in for about half an hour.  So what is the deal with the "automatic bleach dispenser" that always sits at the front of the washing machine.  I checked the hose leading from it and it runs into the bottom of the drum where the cloths sit.  It does not wait for the magic bleach time established by the Maytag Man, nope, it just dumps it under your cloths as soon as you pour it in.  Not only is it killing your cloths, it is rusting everything out.  Bleach is a equal opportunity oxidizer.  It does not care if it is blood or steel, it will oxidize it.  Most oxides are white (iron oxide is red, rust) but all oxides are water soluble so the water just rinses away the leftover stain. 

Ok, so we have toxic biohazardous clothing and metal eating chemicals and a machine that spins things at about a thousand revolutions per minute.  Where is OSHA when you need them.  They are having sex with the people over at Homoland Security.   Now it is time to transfer the clean cloths to the dryer.  An appliance with 240 volts and twenty amps will now receive a bunch of wet cloths and force them to become dry.  They have no choice in the matter.  This machine can melt a Barbie doll's shoe in two seconds spreading the plastic throughout all of your towels.  Dry plastic barbie shoe on towels is like cats claws raking your face.  I found a Chuck Taylor stuck to the drum and the shoe strings were knotted so well, even I could not untie them.  Most of the time shoe strings stay in the washing machine where they were tied to underwear or socks and stuck around the pole thingy in the middle of the washing machine. 

Somehow, dry fresh smelling cloths end up in the dryer.  There is no greater feeling than placing a warm towel on your face in the morning.  Folding cloths is an art form.  I have never mastered the process.  I fold them sort of like leaves in the forest, just as they lay.  Forget the fitted sheet thing, that is a paranormal process.  I think that was one of the charges at the Salem Witch Trials.  "The wench can foldeth a fitted sheet, she is a witch, burn her!" A pile of fresh folded laundry is worthy of sex.  I am not sure what that means  but it sounds good.

We all know laundry dried outside on the line in the fresh sunny air is the best.  I dry blankets on the porch rail and then make the bed instantly and then I want to .....   That is what that means, okydoky. 

I love laundry.