Cats and fear

Cats are all about fear.  They think they are so cool with the posture and the yawning.  They are constantly in a state of fear.  If you are lucky enough to sneak up on a cat and thump it with a rubber band, it will jump at least three feet staraight up. 

Nature photographer Curt Fonger took this picture.  Now, is that a sensible animal to climb 40 feet up a spiny cactus?  I think not.  We in Florida have the equivalent tree, it is called the sorry ass messy excuse for a palm tree.  Like the cactus, it has spines on its trunk.  For some reason, cat logic only, the cat climbs all the way to the top when chased by a dog that can not climb trees at all. 

You may have thought I was kidding.  I do not kid about cats.  They are entrusted with Lucifer's booty.  When a dog licks a sticker out of its fur, they eat it removing it from the gene pool.  Cats flick it on the floor and you step on it letting out the Florida sticker shout.  It is similar to the fire ant yell but the sticker shout has an added little hop to it while yelling,  "MOTHer Fu, shit, (hop) what the fuck, damn!.  The fire ant yell  starts with a praising of divinity and then a wave of disbelief that such pain does not result in any loss of limb followed at the end with the universal ending for pain, fuck.  It goes like this "Sweet Jesus Mary Joseph, Ahhhhhhhhh, God Damn, For Nic Ation."

That is what cats do to you.  I wise man said, "If your cat weighed 90 pounds, she would eat your while you sleep."

Now, back to fear.  Vacuum cleaner, yep. weed whacker, yep.  Blender, yep.  Vibrator, no, not until it tries to rub against it and its hairs get caught in the spinney thing.  The electric can opener creates fear and lust, a bad combination in any mammal.  My cats have never been alive to hear a manual or electric can opener yet they all must be in the kitchen instantly when use one to open some old can of corned beef hash.   It must be a genetic memory passed on from some previous Satan reincarnation.  Foot steps, yep.  Marbles, yep.  Roll some marbles across a tile floor and the cats will live on the ceiling for a week.  It is all or nothing for them.  Either the top of the tree or no tree at all.  Either the claws go all the way to the bone or don't even bother to show them.  Someone told me that de-clawed cats cannot climb trees.  I discovered that they actually can but they can not get down.  I think that is funny.