Eating

My eating habits are the type of conquests that legends are made with.  My brother was equally blessed but with lasagna only.  He could  step up with the wide variety of pizzas, hot dogs and Big Macs.   I had no boundaries to my range and no limit to my ability.  I am not talking about desserts or flu flu stuff.  I am talking about main course meaty things. 

I ate 21 pieces of pizza at an "all-you-can-eat" place in Vail, Colorado.  I was traveling with a baseball team and we had not eaten in about 8 or 9 hours.  It was the off season for Vail so the owner figured he could use the business.  He was very happy when we left, mostly because we were getting ready for round 4.  I think he saw us coming on the return trip because the establishment was closed when we passed through Vail.

One other time while leaving Henderson, Nevada, my brother and I stopped at a MacDonald's to fill up.  We were in Henderson visiting Odis in the good ole  boy lockup.   My brother Mike spent $6.53 on two Big Macs with cheese, two large Fries, some kind of apple thing, a large Coke, and because he was not sure how far we had to drive, two Quarter Pounders for the road.  I had a Big Mac, a quarter pounder, two fish sandwiches, a large fry, medium onion ring (a veggie to keep it healthy) and a large root beer.  ($5.20 something)  The lady behind the counter kept looking for the rest of the crowd that was going to eat this stuff.  We were the crowd.  Precious memories flood my soul.

While in college, I tried to convince the local Subway Sub Shop to sponsor me in a sub sandwich  eating event.  I said I could eat a one foot long sub every hour for twenty four hours.  I must have just seen Cool Hand Luke or something.  Actually, my roommate (Roy)and I were trying to figure out how to make some money.  I my case, money was free food.  I demonstrated my ability to the Subway manager by eating two subs, a tuna and a veggie in five minutes.  Although he seemed impressed, and even though I gave him the card of the college radio station for an advertising event, he did not go for it.  He said it was impossible.  I said "So what, that is not even the point."

I entered a hot dog eating contest at Kings Island Park north of Cincinnati.  I worked in the food service warehouse.  I was actually delivering more hot dogs for the contest.  The Kahns hot dog festival  had already started.  I was just watching and I noticed the contestants were slowing down and the leader was on 8 hot dogs.  I said to my buddy Bob Viox, "Shit, I can eat eight dogs in my sleep."  I sat down and quickly caught up to the leader who was now at ten.  Big whoop, I was finishing my twelfth and I was informed that employees were not allowed in the competition.  The mutant bum who won the coupons for free Khan hot dogs ate fourteen hot dogs.  BFD.  I had three more on the way back to the warehouse.  That makes fifteen.    "I could have been a somebody!"

Some may ask, "what is this blog about today".  I was driving to work and I had purchased two breakfast burritos from MacDonalds.  They are quite edible.  I noticed that I ate the one quickly.  I eat ravenously while driving.  I do not want to be distracted so I slam it in and swallow.  Anyway, I ate the first one in four bites, and roughly one minute.  Normally I saved them until I get to work and eat one at my desk around 8AM and then eat the other one at 11AM for lunch.  I ate the second one in three bites.  Since I had nothing else to do now and since I have been making the same drive for thirty years, day dreaming took over.  "If I can eat one burrito in one minute and I am driving sixty miles per hour, how many breakfast burritos can I eat on my way to work?"   I thought "could I eat 23 of these things, Luke ate 50 eggs in an hour."  For the number freaks who are not reading this, yes it is 23 miles to work.  My sons cannot eat volumes of food, my daughter has potential but watches her waistline.  Well, my one son is still young and a teenage boy can eat.   I hope he learns the physical joy of eating.  The filling of the stomach, the stretching of the esophagus, the distending of the colon.  It just does not get any better than that.