I have talked about this before. There is no love loss as it relates to spiders. Insect in general. Under magnification, insects are beautiful and hideously scary. Spiders are predators of the alpha kind. The are mystically quick, poisonous and they eat live food. They are everything a God Fearing, undersexed democratic socialist should avoid, nay, run from, screaming. In three words, they are creepy.
There is one spider I do not mind. I call it a wolf spider. It is very small, with stout black legs. It has a gray body with black marks on it. The wolf spider moves in short, jerky jumps. He does not do that grandstanding thing with the web across the door jam. Rarely does he dangle down from the ceiling while you are watching Hogan's Heroes. He may run across your TV screen though.
Anyway, I have this giant banana spider living on my porch. Even the largest moth or small lizard could get caught in that web. When I say giant, I mean four inch leg span. She can get bigger and since I will not go on the porch any more, she will get bigger. The kids keep feeding her. Last night they gave her a plastic army man. She cut him out of the web and chucked the bomb squad soldier in desert cammo half way across the yard. Last night I saw she captured a a beetle of some sort and spent a good two hours feasting on it. I did not see her this morning but I am sure her leg span is closer to five inches after that meal. I do not think the real name is a banana spider. We called it that as kids because it is yellow. Bobby got one on his head one time as he rode his bicycle through the web by accident. The web almost stopped him cold but with all his fast pedaling and screaming he broke free with a surge and headed down Cedar Ave. like the Silver Surfer. I yelled, "Bobby, he is on your head." Bobby responded with "Holy Mary Mother of God, Save Me, Ahhhhhhhh".
He was about three blocks away when the screaming went silent. Brian asked me, "Think he is dead?" "I don't know Bri, the Turtle is pretty tough." We called him The Turtle sometimes because he was so slow at running. As we came close to where the sound had ceased, we saw Bobby dragging his bike out of the Second St. canal. He had take a dead left and headed for the water. He drove directly through Mrs. Culbertson's flower bed and off her fishing dock. Good thing the boat was not tied up there. He probably would have cleared it anyway, as fast as he was pedaling.
None of us ever actually saw a spider, on the web or on Bobby but the claustrophobic web was enough and besides Bobby was our main source of entertainment. We all felt the same way about those eight legged beasts. I would have probably cried an ocean of tears, threw up violently and rolled around in the grass like I was on fire. I would have been so embarrassed that I would have slept on the train tracks waiting for the southbound to Miami.
If the spider on my porch disappears, I will not go on the porch for a few days and I will double spray the house for bugs. If he is gone, I want to fumigate the house and go to a motel for a few days. I will not have even the hint of those arachnids potentially crawling on me whilst I sleep. My house will not be a re-visitation of Starship Troopers and the bugs. I must go, I am starting to itch.
There is one spider I do not mind. I call it a wolf spider. It is very small, with stout black legs. It has a gray body with black marks on it. The wolf spider moves in short, jerky jumps. He does not do that grandstanding thing with the web across the door jam. Rarely does he dangle down from the ceiling while you are watching Hogan's Heroes. He may run across your TV screen though.
Anyway, I have this giant banana spider living on my porch. Even the largest moth or small lizard could get caught in that web. When I say giant, I mean four inch leg span. She can get bigger and since I will not go on the porch any more, she will get bigger. The kids keep feeding her. Last night they gave her a plastic army man. She cut him out of the web and chucked the bomb squad soldier in desert cammo half way across the yard. Last night I saw she captured a a beetle of some sort and spent a good two hours feasting on it. I did not see her this morning but I am sure her leg span is closer to five inches after that meal. I do not think the real name is a banana spider. We called it that as kids because it is yellow. Bobby got one on his head one time as he rode his bicycle through the web by accident. The web almost stopped him cold but with all his fast pedaling and screaming he broke free with a surge and headed down Cedar Ave. like the Silver Surfer. I yelled, "Bobby, he is on your head." Bobby responded with "Holy Mary Mother of God, Save Me, Ahhhhhhhh".
He was about three blocks away when the screaming went silent. Brian asked me, "Think he is dead?" "I don't know Bri, the Turtle is pretty tough." We called him The Turtle sometimes because he was so slow at running. As we came close to where the sound had ceased, we saw Bobby dragging his bike out of the Second St. canal. He had take a dead left and headed for the water. He drove directly through Mrs. Culbertson's flower bed and off her fishing dock. Good thing the boat was not tied up there. He probably would have cleared it anyway, as fast as he was pedaling.
None of us ever actually saw a spider, on the web or on Bobby but the claustrophobic web was enough and besides Bobby was our main source of entertainment. We all felt the same way about those eight legged beasts. I would have probably cried an ocean of tears, threw up violently and rolled around in the grass like I was on fire. I would have been so embarrassed that I would have slept on the train tracks waiting for the southbound to Miami.
If the spider on my porch disappears, I will not go on the porch for a few days and I will double spray the house for bugs. If he is gone, I want to fumigate the house and go to a motel for a few days. I will not have even the hint of those arachnids potentially crawling on me whilst I sleep. My house will not be a re-visitation of Starship Troopers and the bugs. I must go, I am starting to itch.
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