There used to be a billboard just south of Vero Beach that was advertising tanning lotion or a surf shop. It was one of those billboards that was noticed but the actual focus of the ad was missed while zooming past at seventy five miles per hour. It was a picture of a young lady in a bikini kneeling on a surfboard in the sand. The billboard was probably thirty feet wide and twenty feet high and the entire lady, from the top of her blond wet hair to her knees on the surfboard were illuminated with numerous flood lights. At night time, you could see this siren for miles.
For me anyway, as I approached the billboard, I noticed that her crotch area was in the middle of the sign and very well illuminated. It was like having a 1 million mega pixel photo of Cameron Diaz on your computer. There was a service platform directly underneath the picture running the length of the structure. On this cool night coming back from Sebring I thought I saw someone up on the platform and I started thinking about just that someone. He was probably homeless and cold. The mosquitoes have been taking a break lately but there is always that one male buzzing in your ear. Now why does that mosquito think there is a female mosquito in my ear canal? I guess to a male mosquito, a hole is a hole. The homeless dude finished his bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 and was looking for a safe, dry and warm place to sleep. Two feet underneath a high pressure sodium lamp would be cozy he may thinketh, except for the random moth trying to lay eggs in your hair.
After a few hours of sleep, a loud blast from the USPS northbound hauler's horn would jerk our man Flint from his slumber. Fuzzy eyed, he would gaze up and see this enormous well tanned surfer girl's crotch only inches from his face. "Dear Lord, thank you. I know I died and this must be heaven". As his eyes cleared and his headache slammed back in, he remembered the billboard and his current lot in life. He smiled, patted the crotch and went back to sleep. "It don't get much better than this" he thought.
After some amount of time, they changed that billboard to a bunch of kids playing on the beach, something for the pedophile homeless people I guess.
For me anyway, as I approached the billboard, I noticed that her crotch area was in the middle of the sign and very well illuminated. It was like having a 1 million mega pixel photo of Cameron Diaz on your computer. There was a service platform directly underneath the picture running the length of the structure. On this cool night coming back from Sebring I thought I saw someone up on the platform and I started thinking about just that someone. He was probably homeless and cold. The mosquitoes have been taking a break lately but there is always that one male buzzing in your ear. Now why does that mosquito think there is a female mosquito in my ear canal? I guess to a male mosquito, a hole is a hole. The homeless dude finished his bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 and was looking for a safe, dry and warm place to sleep. Two feet underneath a high pressure sodium lamp would be cozy he may thinketh, except for the random moth trying to lay eggs in your hair.
After a few hours of sleep, a loud blast from the USPS northbound hauler's horn would jerk our man Flint from his slumber. Fuzzy eyed, he would gaze up and see this enormous well tanned surfer girl's crotch only inches from his face. "Dear Lord, thank you. I know I died and this must be heaven". As his eyes cleared and his headache slammed back in, he remembered the billboard and his current lot in life. He smiled, patted the crotch and went back to sleep. "It don't get much better than this" he thought.
After some amount of time, they changed that billboard to a bunch of kids playing on the beach, something for the pedophile homeless people I guess.
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