Friday Science: Talking Parrots

It is the same old thing, Parrots talking but is anybody listening.  I read an interesting article about Parrot communications.  My question is "Do parrots talk in English when they are out and about in the wild?" 

It seems this guy invented a parrot house and has an entire field full of parrot houses and he does all kinds of research on them.  Why and who gives a shit?, well he was interested in human communication and how that works.  I think that is a good reason to have a bunch of parrots in your back yard.  I have crack people in my back yard for no good reason at all.  Most of them can talk, the mouth is moving all the time but they really do not say a damn thing.  Talk about potential scientific subjects. 

Anyway, these parrots appear to give their children "names" or at least individual identifiers.  It does not appear that any other animals do that.  Elephants certainly recognize each other after many years apart but as far as elephant people can tell it is just recognition.  Penguins seem to recognize the family in a crowd of thousands.  It appears that social birds need some way to "find" their family in a crowd.  The parrots seem to give the children slightly different identifier or names.  Jr. may be three peeps and a click while the little terrorist may be a click, a peep and a long tweet. 

Mom and dad parrot are coming back to the nest with some seeds for the kids.  They call them out but the kids don't response immediately.  Dad issues a stern tweet with three peeps and a click.  Jr. is going to get it when I get there, he tweets.  Mom is so upset she chokes on the seeds and spits them out.  An opportunistic squirrel gobbles them up.  Shit, dad says, it is the same thing every time we try to have a nice family dinner.  

Nice research though.

Songs in my bed

This week's songs in my head when I woke up.

Wango Tango -- Ted Nugent of course.  Waking up to Terrible Ted is quite the experience.  I almost choked myself with the toothbrush keeping beat with Ted's guitar.

Can't Get enough of your love bayab --  Barry White.  I had a sore throat all week end and I could sound just like Barry.  I would walk around the kitchen singing in that voice.  It was awesome.

Time in a Bottle -- Jom Croche.  Don't know.  If I could save time in bottle, someone would drink it and blame me then they would spend all the time in the world in the bathroom.  The first think I would like to do is watch reruns of Room 222.

Chug-a-lug chug-a-lug -- Roger Miller.  This is a great song, I guess it would be called a ditty.  He was a legendary drinker and pill popper. 

Lovesick Blues --  Hank Williams.  Anything Hank is great.  He was the man. 

Jesus in the Park part 2

Will:  "Hey Rick, nice to see you again.  I heard you got let go last fall, Have you found anything?"

Rick:  No, I am really getting discouraged.   There have been a few interviews that I thought would go somewhere but nothing has happened. 

Will:  "Rick, I would like you to meet a friend of mine, well my Savior actually, Rick meet Jesus."

Jesus:  "I was sorry to hear about the layoff Rick, things will work out, the important part is keeping your eyes and your heart open."

Will:  Rick never let go of Jesus' hand.  Nor did he say anything.  He just stared into that face.  Jesus broke the handshake and Rick walked off. 

"Jesus, I have to ask, do you know and see the future.  I mean, you do have the power?" 

Jesus:   "It is like a book, I could read ahead and see what Dad has planned for me, or for you for that matter but usually I don't.  I have to be obedient and not second guess Him also.  Remember, we all have a choice, me included."

I said to Jesus, "You were sorry to hear about Rick's the layoff?  Didn't  you have something to say about it ahead of time? 

"Not really" he explained, choices were made. "Dad worked it out" he said.  "You see Will, everyone(exaggeratedly) screws up and wrecks the plan.  For example, If you knew your son was going to climb that tree over there no matter what you said and was going to fall out of it, what would you do?  You would make sure his landing was a reasonably safe one.  It is his choice.  That is what I do.  I help them land and after, help pick them up and heal.  I get help with that sometimes from people like you."  He then said,  "By the way, that young lady ended up killing herself, poor dear, but you did your part.  Dad was impressed." 

Will:  "Safe! Is that a subjective term then?"

Jesus:  Quite.

Will:  Silence does not usually bother me but the son of God is of few words.  "Jesus, look over there, would you say that was an ugly dog, because I would.  Perfect alligator bait."

Jesus:  You think that is bad, have you ever seen a baby camel?  Mean, cranky creatures.  I have no idea what Dad was thinking with that one.  The Llama was his second attempt. 

Will:  Your a funny guy, but you know that I guess. 

Jesus:  Yep.  Any other questions, on anything?

Will:  "OK, sure" I said,   Who is the best right fielder of all times, Arron or Clemente?

Jesus:  "Don't forget about Ruth, he was a right fielder and watch Ichiro he's not done yet!"

Will:  Jesus got up, hugged me, and walked into the pizza place across the street.  I could not resist, I went in there to see if he liked anchovies on his pizza but he was gone.

(Back at WJCS with Erik Mulberg)

Erik:  So, Will, that is quite a story.  You seemed pretty cavalier with our Savior.  

Will:  You have to sit with him, he is so disarming and omniscient, to not be relaxed would be an insult.  

Erik: The listeners are lighting up the switchboard.  Can you stay and answer some questions from the callers?

Will:  No, I would only make a mess of it.  Thanks anyway.

Jesus in the Park part 1

This is the morning show on WJCS with Erik Mulberg, Where Jesus is the Reason.  We have here Mr. Will Meander of Cocoa.  Hey all you Cocoa listeners.  Mr. Meander says he met Jesus Wednesday afternoon in the park.  I thought he had a cracked pot until I talked with him.

Erik:  So Will, tell me about Jesus.

Will:  Well, I was in the park, Cocoa Village park,  between one and three o'clock on the third of June.  Jesus and I were sitting on the wall and we walked around a bit.  Initially, I was kind of nervous and so I asked him if he minded walking while we talked.

Erik:  You asked Jesus to take a walk with you?

Will:  Yeh, well it seems sort of abrupt now but yeh.  For me, I always thought Jesus would be friendly but you can't imagine I guess, how absolutely, completely comfortable it is to be around him. 

Erik:  How did that first moment go?

Will:  Jesus was sitting on the deck under the bandstand cover.  I was just walking around looking at all the moms and kids trying to relax.  I noticed this guy about my age just sitting.  I looked at him and I just walked over and sat down next to him.  I looked into his eyes and said, JC Superstar, how is it hangin?  Recognized him right off. 

Erik:  You asked Jesus How it was hangin?  What did he say?

Will:  He said with a smile, "hello".  It was a hello like I have never heard before.  Not even Barry White could say it like that.  I stumbled on to say, "So, what brings you to Cocoa?  I mean I guess you are everywhere all the time anyway, Why Cocoa.?"

He said  "I want to visit everywhere first, you know before I come back and destroy everything."  His smile was sweeter than honey and wider than Julia Roberts' widest smile.  He made a joke, Jesus told me a joke.

 I was having a great deal of trouble looking at him, I think shame was creeping in to my conscience.  I said, "Really, I want to thank you for following through with the plan, I mean the first part way back when, I know you had a choice in the matter.   But also, thanks for coming today."   I looked up to see if he was going to smote me or something and all I saw was his face with that smile.  He said "Your welcome Will, you seemed a little down lately."

"Sometimes I forget my life as it is, may be as it is supposed to be and I am just looking at it in a negative way.   I just get tired of being tired, you know.  People wanting stuff and just expecting me to give it to them.  I did not sign up for this crap. You know what I mean?"

Jesus:  I don't, Jesus said, he went on to say, "I could see what I was in for when I signed up and I was good with it.  I am glad I did, Will, you are completely worth it.

Will:  As I started to cry, I recognized a man walking toward me.  I said to Jesus, "I know that guy.  His name is?...help me out Jesus."   "Rick" 

                                    Continued tomorrow!

Spiders

I have talked about this before.  There is no love loss as it relates to spiders.  Insect in general. Under magnification, insects are beautiful and hideously scary.   Spiders are predators of the alpha kind.  The are mystically quick, poisonous and they eat live food.  They are everything a God Fearing, undersexed democratic socialist should avoid, nay, run from, screaming.  In three words, they are creepy.

There is one spider I do not mind.  I call it a wolf spider.  It is very small, with stout black legs.  It has a gray body with black marks on it.  The wolf spider moves in short, jerky jumps.   He does not do that grandstanding thing with the web across the door jam.  Rarely does he dangle down from the ceiling while you are watching Hogan's Heroes.  He may run across your TV screen though. 

Anyway, I have this giant banana spider living on my porch.  Even the largest moth or small lizard could get caught in that web.  When I say giant, I mean four inch leg span.   She can get bigger and since I will not go on the porch any more, she will get bigger.  The kids keep feeding her.  Last night they gave her a plastic army man.  She cut him out of the web and chucked the bomb squad soldier in desert cammo half way across the yard.  Last night I saw she captured a a beetle of some sort and spent a good two hours feasting on it.  I did not see her this morning but I am sure her leg span is closer to five inches after that meal.   I do not think the real name is a banana spider.  We called it that as kids because it is yellow.  Bobby got one on his head one time as he rode his bicycle through the web by accident.  The web almost stopped him cold but with all his fast pedaling and screaming he broke free with a surge and headed down Cedar Ave. like the Silver Surfer.  I yelled, "Bobby, he is on your head."  Bobby responded with "Holy Mary Mother of God, Save Me, Ahhhhhhhh".

 He was about three blocks away when the screaming went silent.  Brian asked me, "Think he is dead?"  "I don't know Bri, the Turtle is pretty tough."  We called him The Turtle sometimes because he was so slow at running.  As we came close to where the sound had ceased, we saw Bobby dragging his bike out of the Second St. canal.  He had take a dead left and headed for the water.  He drove directly through Mrs. Culbertson's flower bed and off her fishing dock.  Good thing the boat was not tied up there.  He probably would have cleared it anyway, as fast as he was pedaling.

None of us ever actually saw a spider, on the web or on Bobby but the claustrophobic web was enough and besides Bobby was our main source of entertainment.  We all felt the same way about those eight legged beasts.  I would have probably cried an ocean of tears, threw up violently and rolled around in the grass like I was on fire.  I would have been so embarrassed that I would have slept on the train tracks waiting for the southbound to Miami.

If the spider on my porch disappears, I will not go on the porch for a few days and I will double spray the house for bugs.  If he is gone, I want to fumigate the house and go to a motel for a few days.  I will not have even the hint of those arachnids potentially crawling on me whilst I sleep.  My house will not be a re-visitation of Starship Troopers and the bugs.  I must go, I am starting to itch.

Friday Science: Human Biom Project

Several years ago there was a scientific endeavor called the Human Genome project.  Thousands of researchers around the world took separate sections of the Human DNA strand and mapped it, dissected it and broke it apart into its pieces and published the information for the entire world to see.  Even though some major players in the science world were involved, it was sort of a open source project.  There were some researchers that were quality control and just checked every ones results.

They are starting a new project called the Human Biom Project.  This exhaustive search will detail the flora and fauna of the basic human body.  They will discover the type of bacteria and fungi that populate our bodies, inside and out.   They will sample the skin, hair, intestines to quantify and qualify the organisms living there.   The drug companies and the medical community are looking at this project as guiding the future direction of medicine.  The Genome project is starting to give up some secrets to how cancers work, why some have birth defects and how we can fix broken gene expressions.  The Biom project will enlighten us on diseases, treatments and aging.  The questions of why vitamins help some people and not others when treating cancer will be answered.  Some types of Diabetes will have a cure.  Digestive disorders will be diagnosed microbiologically and cured with diet modifications and microbial supplements. 

The list goes on and on with ailments that will be effected.  The skin is our main defense against disease and we know almost nothing about the organisms that patrol there.  I can not wait.  Really.

Cows

I am lucky, well I do not believe in luck so I am blessed.  I do not live in a big ole industrial center or a major metropolis.  Most of my life I have been within ten minutes of a cow.  Not many people can say that anymore.  Cedar City, Utah was the stockyards of the west in its day.  There were cows and hence flies everywhere, even  to this day.  Not to go off tangent yet  but they had these Uber houseflies in Cedar City.  They were identical to regular old houseflies but four or five times bigger.  It sounded like rocks hitting glass when the flew into the large picture window.  Anyway, there were cows and cow identifiers down the street.  The cows out in Utah were mostly range cows with all the instincts of wild animals.  They circled like musk oxen when threatened.  They were skinny and could jump a fence. 

Fat cows cannot  jump fences. The just lean on the posts with their big fat asses and crack the posts down.  They then walk around dropping patties everywhere.  I remember when I went to Kansas to become a veterinarian, I hardly recognized those feed lot cows.  The smell  of the lots sealed off most of my senses and the ammonia was burning my eyes so I thought they were bison or elephants.  The cows in Florida seem more intelligent than other bovines I have know.  They look alert and take leisurely walks around orange groves gently mooing and chewing their orange blossom cud. 

I was driving home the other day past a grove with these intelligent cows.  There was one who seemed to be outside the fence.  He was standing in a driveway just watching the cars zoom mere inches past his nose.  He would follow them with his head like it was a tennis match.  Cars would honk thinking the varmint had escaped to scare it back in its yard.  Most cows think they are invincible so they are not afraid of a car.  They see them stop for little children to cross the street so why would they not stop for a big staunchy cow.

The cow let out a moo as a Ford Mustang with a white strip rumbled past.  His loud moo seemed to say "Man o man, I gotta get me one of them." If there is luck, Florida cows have it thick. 

The Constitution: The Fourteenth Amendment

This amendment is long and basically tries to close loopholes that have occured in the ending slavery deal.  States were trying to keep the freed slaves from enjoying the goodlife of the whites by denying they were citizens for various reasons.  Also there were people(southerners) who wanted to be compensated for the damage the war inflicted on them.  (Like when Sherman scorched the Holy Shit out of Georgia marching to Savanah).  Section 5 says , Hey southern dickheads, you lost the war, we are a country, shut the hell up. 


Section 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
Section 2. Representatives shall be apportioned among the several States according to their respective numbers, counting the whole number of persons in each State, excluding Indians not taxed. But when the right to vote at any election for the choice of electors for President and Vice President of the United States, Representatives in Congress, the Executive and Judicial officers of a State, or the members of the Legislature thereof, is denied to any of the male inhabitants of such State, being twenty-one years of age, and citizens of the United States, or in any way abridged, except for participation in rebellion, or other crime, the basis of representation therein shall be reduced in the proportion which the number of such male citizens shall bear to the whole number of male citizens twenty-one years of age in such State.
Section 3. No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice President, or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, or under any State, who, having previously taken an oath, as a member of Congress, or as an officer of the United States, or as a member of any State legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any State, to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof. But Congress may, by a vote of two-thirds of each House, remove such disability.
Section 4. The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned. But neither the United States nor any State shall assume or pay any debt or obligation incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against the United States, or any claim for the loss or emancipation of any slave; but all such debts, obligations and claims shall be held illegal and void.
Section 5. The Congress shall have power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.

Ear Plugs

While trying to go gently into the night, I have started using those foam ear plugs to help me sleep.  Almost to the day that the first child came home from the hospital, I have not had a very good night's sleep.  I have one ear on the pillow and one ear on my empire listening for a child's cry or a burglar's tippy toe tap on the floor.  Mostly I heard the TV left on or the kids plotting to sneak out.  I hear the animals chewing the Chicken flavored Quarry dog food I bought them.  I can her a mosquito buzzing in the bathroom shower.  Why are they there?  I try to spray them with the shower nozzle but end up smashing them on the glass door.  I can hear the air conditioner start and stop.  A dripping faucet is like a"Tell Tale Heart" throbbing and existing only to irritate me.

My family talks in their sleep.  The kids curse while they sleep.  The dogs run and growl in their sleep.  I wake up listening to my wife talk about making macaroni and cheese.  "Too much cheese will spoil the meal" she will say so I answer "Use beer instead of water".  She responded "you were wrong, those shoes are ugly".  It took me two hours to get back to sleep after that one.  My young daughter was making noises like she was having a bad dream so I tried to wake her up.  I said, "Honey, its dad, you are having a bad dream".  She said in her sweet slumbering face "Shut the hell up".  I now use ear plugs and really do not care if a tornado is coming or someone breaks into the house.  Even while at sleep my family is a formidable foe.  They yell, hit, spit, fart and lie.  I cannot win the battle for the covers so how the hell is a skinny  crackhead going to outwit or out fight that bunch.  My son wakes me up, looks me dead in the eyes and exclaims, "I gotta move!"   I said "Ok, so move".  He takes off like a bat out of hell, makes one trip around the kitchen and jumps in my bed.  His snoring starts instantly.  That kind of thing would scare the beejesus out the the most hopped up drug abuser.

The ear plugs are working great.  I can hear the blood rushing through my carotid artery.  Then it takes a left up to my nose and splashes on the brain with a whooshing sound that is only heard by me.  I can see one drawback, well, more than one.  I think my ear holes are getting wider.  Everything gets bigger except the things I want to get bigger.  Also, with my irregular heartbeat, I wake up humming jazz music.  One good thing is I can ignore the voices because I know they are all just in my head.  The foam plugs are easy to install but with the holes getting bigger, I may lose one in there.  I am going to buy some more.  Now as I sleep, I wear a nose widener so I breath better and ear plugs to hear less.  Great, bigger nostrils, bigger ear holes.  Damn it.

Grammar

I just read The Oatmeal responding to an email critical of him and his fine body of work.  I figure a blog is the blogger's business to write anything for any reason.  If you don't like it don't read it.  I mean obviously, I write whatever I want to write and I have no traffic visiting me.  Does that means my blogs are not provocative or funny?  Well, it could mean that.  Anne Frank probably never imagined anyone would care about her life in a closet.  I have never read her diary, she may have been a good writer.  I am sure many Jew haters would be critical just because she is a Jew.  Man, that is so ignorant.    The Oatmeal  sometimes highlights people's grammar and spelling errors.  I am terrible at spelling (even with a spell checker which is an entirely different subject) and my grammar is poor.  Can a writer make a living if he has poor spelling and poor grammar?  Well, he can get an editor to fix it but I think to communicate in the written English language, proper grammar will help.

I was never good at spelling.   I did not read as much as I should have growing up and that brings up my point.  Can an adult improve his grammar skills?  I suppose it is a learnable commodity.  Do I take a grammar class at the college?  I taught myself how to walk down stairs backwards and to swing my arms in unison with my legs.   I learned that trick from Carl Reiner.  I am impressed with The Oatmeal's knowledge of grammar.  My spelling has become increasingly inaccurate over the years. After a poor start in spelling and grammar spelling moved past the event horizon with typing class in the seventh grade.  For whatever rebellious reason, I could or would not use my reaching keystrokes properly.  I would move my had to hit the "x" key and the comma key with my index finger.  My brain will also not allow me to type an "i" before and "e".  I think it was because of my totally tramatized eight grade German class.  I had to walk down the street to the High School to take part in the German class.  I was a small, shy kid who still drooled a little and speaking German was an ugly sight with all that saliva spraying around.  I think most German words use "ei" for the "I" sound.  My spelling logic was severely damaged that year.  The next assault on my spelling was "Gregg Shorthand".  Shorthand is phonetically and not literal.  To translate a spoken word into a phonetically system and then translate that system through typing, an autonomic system into a written word created rifts in my cerebellum than have never healed.

I think grammar is really cool.  I am jealous.  Community College her I come.

Friday Science: Research

Here is an example of the type of real research that our government should be supporting.  It is basic research.  I get so tired of people criticizing basic research because they are ignorant of the importance. (I am not completely sure why solvate is used here,  I even looked it up in case I was screwing it wrongly)

Solvated Past the Finish Line

Jake Yeston

As concerns mount about the adverse impact of atmospheric CO₂ on climate, there is increasing interest in diverting some of the greenhouse gas toward use as a feedstock for the industrial preparation of commodity chemicals. One promising reaction in this vein is hydrogenation to formic acid (HCOOH). This process is enthalpically favorable, but the entropic penalty for turning two gases into one liquid molecule pushes the overall equilibrium back toward the reactant side. Amines can deliver an enthalpic kick by deprotonating the acid. Schaub and Paciello found, however, that when trihexylamine is used as a base for ease of product isolation, the kick isn't quite vigorous enough. Adding a diol solvent inches the reaction over the line to thermodynamic favorability, presumably by stabilizing the ionic products through hydrogen bonding.

Angew. Chem. Int. Ed. 50, 10.1002/anie.201101292 (2011).

Pliny the Elder was not a crackpot.  He was a thinker and a problem solver.  Although Sig Freud was crackpot, he investigated the cause and effect of social interactions and how it drives the personality.  That kind of application had never been done before.  Da Vinci said we could fly, so did Icarus.  It took four hundred years to fly after Da Vinci mostly because of ignoramuses saying things like "If God had intended us to fly we would have wings".  Iggys only use their brains to subjugate people and stop up the flow of free thought like a turtle in a sewer hole.

Vanity Hair Dye

I remember when my Aunt Marge and her girl friend colored their hair and it came out green.  That was one of those times my dad ran up to me before I could say anything and threatened my life with no existence.  "Don't say a word about the hair".   I said "Oh, you mean the green hornet's nest looking thing sitting on her head?" "Dammit boy, this is serious, it will hurt her feelings".  It was the hardest challenge of my young life. 

Based on the commercials on TV and the endless product line in the grocery store, hair coloring is a HUGE business.  Probably almost as big as vanity  itself.   I never really thought of enhancing all the gifts God gave me.  I am a perfect creation.  I was a perfect creation.  I was smart, strong, good looking and had a wild but manageable manhood.  That was thirty five years ago before I destroyed the temple with whining, no women or any ability to sing.  That is actually really funny if you think on it.  I really don't care if you think so or not.  Hair coloring comes in two types basically.  One is just a dye that gets adsorbed to the hair.  It is easy to apply and the vibrant color lasts just a few days. The other type is a chemical reaction much like resin that literally sticks to your hair.  It is a mixture of two chemicals that cook their way into your hair and are most likely not very good for your liver.

I colored it a dark brown.  The instructions stated the longer you leave it on, the darker it gets.  Since I knew the color was too dark anyway I decided to just leave it on a short time.  Less than a minute.  I dabbed a little on the eyebrows which were equally gray for continuity.  I did not forget the sideburns.  I applied it liberally.  I am not a big direction reader but I did read them FIRST.  My first clue I was in trouble was the white foamy stuff was turning purple.  Aunt Marge's hair I thought.  I splashed water on my beard and discovered this shit was not water soluble.  I dove in the shower, grabbed the follicle cleansing shampoo and squirted half of the bottle on my beard which was no longer purple.  It was turning BLACK.  The shampoo halted the thermonuclear reaction.  I had light brown hair, black eye brows, block splotches on the side of my head, black pencil thin, Slim Whitman mustache and a black beard.  Oh my God in Heaven and Earth did I look stupid. 

I took a deep breath and grabbed the cleanser.  We always had some Comet around.  I scrubbed and dulled the black back to a dark brown.  I trimmed everything with the electric hair yankers and shaved.  It looked ok, just really different.  I am new at this vanity thing.  The family was out and about so I decided to go outside and fix the mower.  The mower is almost always broken, that is just the way it is.  I was adjusting to the thought of looking darker when to my horror.  The sun re-ignited the reaction in the resin and it was now BLACK as the Ace of Spades.  My options were, A:  shave off the beard and mustache, cut the sideburns. 2:  Cut my throat   d:  Get the peroxide.   Now I know from when my oldest child tried to change his blue hair back to black, it turned green like my Aunt's hair did.  I was treading in ever murkier water. 

I have adjusted to the thin mustache and the darker eye brows.   The beard looks good.  I can choose a better color next time and this stage of vanity will be complete.

The Constitution The Thirteenth amendment

Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.
Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.<sup>[2]

If you notice, this is the first Amendment with  Sections.  I do not think the the writers were of the same vain as the original writers.   Time change.

Banning slavery and involuntary servitude is "manifest destiny" of any just and democratic societal goal.  I am sure that our political system could not pass this amendment today.  Everyone agrees with it but our moronic and criminal leaders do not want to agree on anything.  This was a main stick point in the original Constitution.  It took almost one hundred years, the destruction of most of the southern states and the lives of one hundred thousand people to basically get the governments to stop pissing around and ratify something that everyone knew was wrong.  Southern states and rich people like the institution and did not think they could survive economically without the darkies doing the labor. 

It is kind of like today with the rich getting richer and the middle class going away and the ranks of the poor increasing.  Jesus said there will always be the poor so I guess there will always be poor. Poor of spirit, poor of heart, etc.  It is sort of oxymoronic that the same people that want the rich to get richer, also want the slave labor force in our country, the immigrants, legal and illegal, to stay away.  Are they trying to punish the middle class for daring to think they could move up a cast level.  Rich people just do not want a slave to appear equal to them. They must remain a lower life form.  They can have money and riches but they must be viewed as lesser because the rich like feeling superior, even though most of them are needle dicked, wife beating, child molesting spiritually lost hypocrites. 

Areas of the country are talking succession again.  You will see all forms of involuntary servitude increasing in the States over the next decade.  They will be social, mental and economic slavery.  They will be from the governments and the rich corporations.  The Drug Cartels in this country will continue to enslave us to prescription drugs.  The Gun Mafia will continue to furnish and fund the gangs in the States and the Para-military groups outside our borders in order to insist the average American needs to protect himself.  The Investment Banking Privateers will continue to buy companies, reduce payrolls and build inferior products that we need re-creating the company towns that flourished in the past.  The Oil Cartel will continue to enslave Americans by fighting every effort to reduce the dependence on their product.  We will see it all in the next ten years.</sup> 

Wasted days and Wasted nights

Recycling is cool no matter how you look at it.  Kids love it when you recycles an old shoe into a bird house. Old people love it you take them to thrift stores and they get a new pair of glasses or teeth.  I love recycling wood.  I can take a perfectly good board and create a table or chair that will be perfect firewood in two years.  I can repair a dresser drawer that will hold cloths for another year and then make it termite food in the back of the shed.  I need to burn that thing because termites generate tons of CO2 every year and burning that dresser will only release about twelve pounds of carbon dioxide.

I collect old pallet and packing wood to build unrequired or non functional furniture.   I have been doing it for years as my part of the recycling thing.   My biggest problem with recylced pallets and pack in wood is the nails and screws used to assemble them.  The nails are down right Draconian and blessed by Satan himself.  The nails have these twisty bodies like so many minions in a cauldron.  They are one way streets of hell.  Pulling them out is close to impossible without destroying the wood itself.  You will end up breaking them off in the wood creating destruction to future saw blades that may encounter them.  I have devised a removal method that is nothing short of inspired.  I hook my electric welder up to the nail heads and send 50,000 volts through those tough guys until the wood around the nail heads are charcoal and then the nails come right out.  Some of them fall out.  I can handle most small fires easy enough.  

The screws are usually just your simple deck screws of various non standard lengths.  But there are those that cannot be removed because of some deal with no slots.  They were inserted with a gun.  There is no way these things are coming out.  I do not even collect this wood if I notice those screws.  They are such a waste of wood. There are those that have that square drive head.  I have yet to find a drive that will fit in that bung hole .  It is some Wentworth bull shit probably.  Anyway if the screws are not 1.4 inches long, they are 5 inches long.  Who the hell needs a five inch long deck screw.  I challenge Bob Villa to drive one of those puppies without KY jelly.  They go in 3 inches just great and then the head strips out or the damn screw just snaps off and the release pressure drives the newly broken screw shaft into your third knuckle.  You have to get a pair of pliers and screw the thing out of your  finger cartilage.  All for some scrub oak wood that may or may not have any added value at all. 

There is this wood that is used for pallets because it can be used for nothing else.  It must be from that little known conifer, the Bastard tree.  It looks like a nice piece of wood but if you look at it awkwardly it will split into some really nice daggers.  If you are unlucky enough to get a usable board out of it, take care putting some nice stain to it, like the breathing house on Green Acres, it sucks up a quart of carnuba stain like a thirsty dog.  Your worthless piece of pallet wood has obtained three hours of labor($20/hr), two pieces of sand paper ($1.23/sheet), one quart of stain($6.58/qt) and some spilled blood (priceless=no value added).  Sixty nine dollars and four cents for a crooked cigar box with no cigars in it.  I don't even smoke and I do not even need a box of any kind.  It was a nice Saturday thought.  I missed the Devil Rays on TV, I missed the PBR finals and the Balance Beam apparatus semi-finals  for Women(?) at the World Championships in Bucharest.  I wonder if I will feel anything if I were to shoot one of these three inch brads into my brain?

Ear Rolling

Remember all of those ridiculous contest you had with your buddies.  Bobby could squirt milk out of his eyes.  He could also squirt water out from under his tongue like a spitting cobra.  Brian could break into any house, any time and steal food out of the fridge.  We were proud of our skills.  I could roll my ear up like a rug and stuff it in my ear hole.  I could also pee a total distance of 13 feet.  So there we were waiting for Brian to get back with the food while I was peeing and Bobby was snaking spitting in the woods.  No one really cared that I could roll my ear up.  Now, forty years later, it is apparent that I mostly used my left had to roll my left ear.  My right ear does not roll well and does not fold at all.  

While listening to my oldest son complain about his life this morning and looking at his floppy eared doberman, I was thinking that my ear may end up flopping like a hound dog's ear.  I would look like John Candy in that Space Balls movie.  I have  been trying all morning to get my right ear to loosen  up but alas, it is sore and red.  I should have seen that coming.  If you give "anything" that much attention, it is going to get red and sore.  Also, the ears are cooler than the rest of my head.  I guess I believe elephants cool themselves with them big ole ears not that my ears are huge, yet.  Also, what is up with the head getting smaller, yet the ears and the nose getting larger as we age.  I can see it now, a brainless, small headed old man gets caught in a nor'easter when his sail-like nose deflects him to a safe harbor.  His thermoregulation was good.  The ears trailing in the cold wind sheltering his face from the sting of the rain.  My ear rolling has given me hours of joy over the years and it is sort of refreshing to roll a cold ear and stuff it it a warm ear hole.  I think I heard that somewhere before.

I knew a lady that cleaned and filed her fingernails constantly.  They were immaculate.  I wonder if her fingers were sore.  I knew a man who had a hole in his beard from a nervous tick that resulted in him pulling on his beard.  With the ear thing, it is not a tick, it is a talent.  Bobby did not spit incessantly nor did I roll continuously.  Brian was from a poor family and he probably took food because he was hungry.  I have never known another ear roller.  As strange as ear rolling evidently must be, I am also surprised I have not met another.  Is there a stigma attached to it.  OOOh, the air is cool, I have to roll and go.

Friday Science -Hot Dogs

Ingredients.  mostly a type of meat and some chemicals and thickeners.

Turkey is becoming the "meat base" of the capitalistic world.  It is easy to grow as long as you can keep the moronic birds from stampeding themselves to death.  They are not just for thanksgiving anymore.  They convert a wide range of feed efficiently into turkey parts.  They grow fast, especially on steroids.

Other meats.  anything not stuck to a bone.  There used to be a place in St. George, Utah that made their own hotdogs. Naturally Nummy Foods made ice cream, raised turkeys, chickens and pigs and had a restaurant on main street.  He also had a big grinding bin that he made hotdogs in.  He had a mail order business and sold hotdogs all over the US.  Everything went in that bin.  Bones, innerds, ears etc..  He would turn on the ginder, add spices, good pork or beef depending on the type and let it grind for about twenty minutes.  This grey, red and white mess would grind and mix away until it magically turned pink.  IT IS DONE he would say with a big smile on his face.  Having previously cleaned and stretched the intestines, he would load the press and make hot dogs.  He would add the white powder, formaldehyde I think, something to keep the meat pink.  They were great hotdogs, sausages and links.  His ice cream was good but I was delivering soft ice cream mix which is really tasty. 

I worked at a Kahns Hotdog factory also.  The industrial mechanism that can mix, press and package ten thousand  hotdogs in a day is quite a site to see.  I would take these boxes of freshly packed hotdogs with artificial skins and deliver them to whomever wanted them.  It was such a good job.

Hotdogs are mostly lips and assholes with preservative in them, kinda like politicians.  The preservatives are the standard fare.  Nitrates, salts and aldehydes that inhibit bacteria growth and stabilize the color.  There are some thickeners like cellulose gum and corn syrup that keep the dogs plump until you cook them.  Then they really plump up, proteins shrink when heated, kinda like plastics.  Oil, water and fat ooze out of the dog.  Dogs can only have 10 percent water in them.  Anyway, finally, you have a cooked hotdog that at this point is mostly meat of some kind, salt and the flavorful fat.  At around 200 calories for a nice plain dog, you cannot beat it.

Billboard

There used to be a billboard just south of Vero Beach that was advertising tanning lotion or a surf shop.  It was one of those billboards that was noticed but the actual focus of the ad was missed while zooming past at seventy five miles per hour.  It was a picture of a young lady in a bikini kneeling on a surfboard in the sand.  The billboard was probably thirty feet wide and twenty feet high and the entire lady, from the top of her blond wet hair to her knees on the surfboard were illuminated with numerous flood lights.  At night time, you could see this siren for miles. 

For me anyway, as I approached the billboard, I noticed that her crotch area was in the middle of the sign and very well illuminated.  It was like having a 1 million mega pixel photo of Cameron Diaz on your computer.  There was a service platform directly underneath the picture running the length of the structure.  On this cool night coming back from Sebring I thought I saw someone up on the platform and I started thinking about just that someone.  He was probably homeless and cold.  The mosquitoes have been taking a break lately but there is always that one male buzzing in your ear.  Now why does that mosquito think there is a female mosquito in my ear canal?  I guess to a male mosquito, a hole is a hole.  The homeless dude finished his bottle of Mad Dog 20/20  and was looking for a safe, dry and warm place to sleep.  Two feet underneath a high pressure sodium lamp would be cozy he may thinketh, except for the random moth trying to lay eggs in your hair.

After a few hours of sleep, a loud blast from the USPS northbound hauler's horn would jerk our man Flint from his slumber.  Fuzzy eyed, he would gaze up and see this enormous well tanned surfer girl's crotch only inches from his face.  "Dear Lord, thank you.  I know I died and  this must be heaven".  As his eyes cleared and his headache slammed back in, he remembered the billboard and his current lot in life. He smiled, patted the crotch and went back to sleep.  "It don't get much better than this" he thought.

After some amount of time, they changed that billboard to a bunch of kids playing on the beach, something for the pedophile homeless people I guess.

The Constitution -Twelveth Amendment

The Electors shall meet in their respective states, and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves; they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as President, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as Vice-President, and they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as President, and all persons voted for as Vice-President and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate.

The President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted.

The person having the greatest Number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President. But in choosing the President, the votes shall be taken by states, the representation from each state having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the states, and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice. And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the fourth day of March next following, then the Vice-President shall act as President, as in the case of the death or other constitutional disability of the President.

The person having the greatest number of votes as Vice-President, shall be the Vice-President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice-President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice. But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.

My first thought when looking this one up was "Holy Gutenberg Batman" I don't want to read all that pablum.  I think this one falls under the category of " trying  to fix what is an aberration".  I remember my dad watching a male dog try to mate with a goat.  "Son, no matter what he does, it ain't going to work and the goat ain't going to like it. It's an aberration."  The Electoral College idea came out of trying to balance the power for the States for the presidential election.  Fine and dandy pandy.  The twelfth was an attempt to tweak a few problems and all the States agreed although probably creating other problems.  I am dreading the amendments.  I may end up hating them.  Is it possible that evil politics and pussyfication started back in 1795?

Maternity Leave

A lady in our office named Angora went on maternity leave for seven weeks to have a baby.  It has been a week since we heard about the birth yet received no detail.  We still have no details.  This got me thinking which usually means "Survey"

What is Angora most likely doing at this moment.

1.  sleeping
2.  Crying
3.  Changing diapers
4.  Smacking husband, crying
5.  Faked pregnancy (gaining 38 lbs was an illusion).  is sitting home laughing, drinking, trying to get pregnant.
6.  Standing and staring at the baby
7.  Wondering how a 7 pound baby can need a gallon of breast milk a day and fill up 8 diapers in four hours.

We assume everything is OK and the baby is "not an ugly baby".  This is a first baby and it will be the cutest and most wonderful of all children of all time.  For at least a week. Then, they will say things like, "How can something so cute make me so tired" and "Your turn!". 

Angora and Stepley are no longer just a married couple, they have a child and are almost parents.  You need at least two children to officially qualify for a parent.  They will start raising a little adult.  They will decide not to talk cute nonsense to the child, they will vow to never give this perfect child a soda.  They will do everything correctly until Grandma says, "Oh, doctors don't know, the kid is still hungry" or "your the mom, do what you think is right".

Angora will go to sleep tired for the next 17 years.  Really.

Birthday

Brother,

Last week I was thinking about your birthday and how I could say something to be worthy of a birthday present for my little brother.  I have been reading the softball updates and feeling quite jealous.  I do not play sports any more, I am too broke down and fat.  Not anyone in my house is playing sports.  Anna and Alix are off making the world safe for blonds and Jonathan does not compete for anything.  You still have your girls at home and although I know teenage girls can be so completely out of their minds with make-up, boys and "the most important events", they come home every night and say goodnight and you get to see those grouchy faces in the morning.  So lets see, have I covered it?  Not quite. 

I am also sad because I do not get to see you near often enough.  We could play tennis or go hunting.  We could hike the Appalachian Trail.  We could just sit and be quite together.  That would be nice.  We could discuss that bump on your head and compare it to the one on my back.  We could talk about about our wives and how they put up with us, no lets don't get too mushy.  I could tell you all I know about dumb stuff and you could listen and laugh. Maybe someday soon. 

I am glad to see you are passing on our parents values to your kids and most likely to everyone you meet.  I know that every week you get a new pain and a bit slower.  It is ok, you do not have cancer and slower can be better.  Take care of yourself Scott and I wish to see you soon.

Happy Birthday brother

I never really considered family members as anything more than luggage on a  long trip around the world.  It was just my self-centeredness that kept me from understanding that they were my parent's favorite and special children also.  I remember when my older brother was given the duty of reading my dad's final letter to mom and the family.  I was not jealous but I did remember it made me feel less special than him.  Then I realized he was the first born male and a near intellectual genius.  He was absolutely the apple of their eyes.  When I was in the Ninth Grade, in English class, we were give books to read by the teacher.  She gave some students Great Expectations, some of the "more bright" students got copies of Animal Farm.  She asked me to go to the library and check out, The Mouse and the Motorcycle.  Head in the clouds me did not even notice until I asked "gifted" John Muramatzu if I could borrow his copy of the mouse and the motorcycle.  He explained that he was reading Animal Farm which was about a bunch of rebellious animals taking over a farm.  I thought, man-o-man, I am a rebellious animal myself, that would be perfect for me. 

But to God's Divine intervention, when I was in college, I learned about the Prostiglandin Pathway and how specifically the aspirin actually cured that little boy's (Keith) fever making Ralph the mouse a hero.  I am learning snot loads about myself recently.  I will never look at birthdays quite the same way.  Which is a good thing.

Friday Science: Picking a Physician

One of the many nuggets of knowledge I learned in college was  questions to ask a physician before leaving his office.

This information was given to me by a physician and a researcher.  He was a very no nonsense guy and his classes were great.  I give him credit for the "light bulb" moment of my college career.  I would literally sing "The hills are alive, with the sound of music" as I left his classes.  He later invited me to sit in on his research meetings with the grad students.  I do not use the word wonderful very often, mostly because it is a little sissyfied yet it was wonderful.  Still, even today, biological science is wonderful.

Ten questions to ask your doctor

Why is this course of treatment warranted?
Why is this the correct treatment for me?
Is there something else that could be causing this illness, problem, etc.?
Have you seen other patience with this illness recently?
What are my other treatment options?
What if we do nothing?
Did you get your degree from a central American doctor mill?
Is there a reason to be more concerned about this illness?
If I was your child would you recommend this procedure?
What if this treatment does not seem to work?
What should I do tomorrow, how can I help?

Dr. Sweeney said these words to me in 1977 when doctors were still saints in surgical garb.  I felt and still feel this was some of the best education I ever paid for.  I think my parents were still paying at that time.