the writer

I responded to an advertisement for a part time staff writer with the local weekly newspaper. The interview went something like this.

Editor:  Why should I continue with this interview for a writer's position if you do not have examples of your writing to review?

     Me:   Ah, You like the direct approach. My Grandpa used to say, Direct is usually best cept you have to keep your balance cause you are gonna get slapped once in a while. He also used to say, “Always keep a good hole handy” so you had to receive his wisdom slowly, well like,  pumpkin soup and think about it later.

Your Grandpa drank a little?

         Some.

Do you drink a little?

       No, I said, I have a hole in my lip and it always drips on my silk ties.

Hole in your lip?

       From getting slapped.

Like to eat?

       I think I am Veggan.

I think that is a foreign car.

       My mother was a car.

Hmmm, (looking distracted,short pause) I need someone to write reviews of local eating and drinking establishments. This writer needs to provide an approved copy once a week and is also responsible for postings on several Internet sites. Once a year there needs to be a review summary and post winners in various categories. For each accepted review, the pay is one hundred dollars.

       I will take it!

I did not offer it to you?

      Are you sure?

I thought I was sure but you seem pretty sure yourself.

       Hmmm. Ok, Do I get a desk and a pencil, after all, I am a writer.

Are you sure? No pencils, no paper. Everything is electronic.

       Do you pay for the drinks and the food, electricity?

No.

       Not much of a job!

Not much of a writer.

      You got that right!