Monday, April 25, 2011

Hairless

I saw an acquaintance for the first time in several months.  I did not recognize him, His brown hair and aboundance of facial hair were all gone.  He was hairless.  He noticed me girl watching outside a Piggy Wiggly while waiting for a "Nirvana" moment.

Giliard:  Hey Ceril, its me Gil, how ya been?

Ceril:   Good I guess, better than you it seems.
Giliard: Whys that?
Ceril:  Well, you appear hairless.  Chemo, cancer?
Giliard: Noooo, razor.
Ceril:  Come again.
Giliard: Buzz, Buzz.  (making shaving hand movements)
Ceril:  You cut off all your hair.  Not everyone can have continuous hair from his eyebrow around past the ear, cover the chin, split for a stache past the other ear and back to the brow all topped with that mop on your head.
Giliard: It was getting kinda out of control I admit.
Ceril:  Yes, looking like a bears butt does tack in and out of fashion.
Giliard: No, I was trimming my unibrow with a straight razor and had an accident.  
Ceril:  Ah, that would explain the scars.
Giliard: I removed most of my left brow and the doctor at the emergency room said it would not grow back once the twenty three stitches were removed.    Sure enough, it did not grow back.  I decided to even it up and shave the other brow off. 
Ceril:  How did that go for ya?
Giliard: Silly, actually!  I tried to balance it by shaving the sideburns, No, It turns out that the hair density is quite varied on the face.  Could not get it even, ya know.  Well, I did not stop until I got to my scrotum. 
Ceril:  Thank you.  I hope you switch to a twin-blade at least?
Giliard: Electric.
Ceril: Even during the energy crisis that is wise.  That will save on gas to the hospital if nothing else.
Giliard: The worst part is, I have to keep shaving it almost daily. If it gets two days of growth, I become bat-twitch crazy.  My Shrink says I am developing a disorder. 
Ceril:  Would seem so.
Giliard: It gets so itchy and prickly that I grab anything I can to scratch it.  About a week ago I grabbed some pruning shears and while trying to scratch my ass, I lopped of a bit of skin. 
Ceril:  Dr.?
Giliard: No, I just limped off to Walgreens for lidocaine and some sterile gauze.  You know that hemorrhoid medicine has the highest level of lidocaine on the market. 
Ceril:  So, Gil, still working at the insurance agency?
Giliard: No, they let me go, they said all the bruising upset the guests and I could not sell insurance for them any more.
Ceril:  Bruising?  Von Willebrand?
Giliard: Yep, with all the yellows and greens and purples; they said I looked like an Easter egg.  I am keeping a fair attitude about it.  Maybe I can sell underwear.
Ceril:  Hey, that's a good one.
Giliard: What?
Ceril:  Never mind. Hey Gil, I gotta go man.  Call me next week and we can get a beer!

Gil limped off and I noticed a blood stain on the back of his shirt!  Leave well enough alone as I always say.

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