Empathy is a Hard Master

I am sure I hate spiders. Really, it is their fault. They move silently and ever so quickly, even though they have no thoughts of eating us, no animosity toward us, and with no real concern for us at all, they will if given the opportunity, lay eggs in ear holes and under the skin. I think the ear-hole thing is justification enough.

I am not a Jainist who refuse to kill any living creature to the extent they carry a little fine brush to scoot away insects. There are special classes on how not slap a mosquito. It is about self-control and prevention. Admirable but a little kooky. I am ok with killing animals for food and even the existential killing of insects during the production of food. Temple Grandin said it succinctly, “Humans aren't as good as we should be in our capacity to empathize with feelings and thoughts of others, be they humans or other animals on Earth.” I do not like any method of killing anything that is not quick and in our best effort, attempts to be humane. After all we are human and we have a choice how we treat the world and that includes our enemies.

I was inspecting the tennis court for imperfections that could be easily corrected when I noticed a spider just hanging out in the middle of the court. In Florida on a hot day, a dry concrete surface is no place for any living thing and especially insects. They can dry out in minutes. Since the spider was in a bad spot for survival, I decided to flick the quarter-sized creature off of the courts playing surface. To my horror, when I did the flick, “she” landed off the playing surface safely but she was carrying about 150 babies which I did not notice. They are dispersed as the flicking was in progress. I literally gasped out loud. What happened next further horrified me. Now, I am a grown person and I tried to rationalize that they probably all would not survive to adulthood anyway, blah, blah, and blah. I tried to get a closer look at the babies which were mere specks. The mother turned from what I now know was trying to round up her babies and charged at me. She was defending her family at the risk of attacking a foe several thousand times larger than her. That alone caught my attention and my heart in a big way.

The person I was to play with on the court just arrived and I said to him. “Can we play on the other court and I am not going to tell you why we cannot use this court. Maybe after a few beers I can tell you!” I felt flush and a little weak and he said, “Ok, whatever.” With a brief glimpse back over my shoulder toward the spider, I could see she was in the middle of her baby roundup. All I could think of as I walked to the other court was the screaming, scared babies looking for their mamma. For warm-ups, I placed myself as far away from them as I could to avoid hearing the screams. My playing partner was oblivious of course and I felt like I had responsibility as an older person, I should explain the empathy I felt for this living creature. My distorted pride would not allow it and I was still in a mild state of shock. I had to push the spider gathering out of my mind and concentrate on tennis, specifically destroying this young person’s self-esteem by losing to a man nearly 40 years his senior.

It may take more than a few drinks to re-tell this story. That is why I wrote it down.

The Year of Matt

Since the declaration of this, "The year of Matt", I have a bunch of plans and responsibilities. 

Part of the Year of Matt is my attempt to be more social, in social situations but also to be responsible for being a friend worth having.  I guess it is taking responsibility for not having any friends.  I have basically a whole lifetime of not giving  a crap what people think ( most likely a defense mechanism from childhood) and winding up at 60 years old without much of an understanding of friendship. 

My brothers and sisters have all these friends from schools and life and I have almost nothing in the way of friends, certainly not good friends.  I take responsibility for that so in this year that is mine, I will work to change that.  Not that at this point do I want anyone invading my space like a bunch of cheerleaders, but with exploration comes understanding, then intelligent change can occur.

It is a plan anyway.

 

Sixteen Tons

This is a song written by Merle Travis about a coal miner, based on life in coal mines in Muhlenberg County, Kentucky.^[1] Travis first recorded the song at the Radio Recorders Studio B in Hollywood, California, on August 8, 1946.

 I remember the version by Tennessee Ernie Ford recorded in 1955.  Of course I did not hear it until the 60's but I was fascinated by his voice and the song.  My cousin Vince got hooked on Fords music on a visit to my parent's place in Ohio.  While there he heard one of Ford's gospel records and flipped out.  He was like a kid in a candy store.  He listened and listened.  We still had records (LP) in those days.  It was good times.  He had never heard such listenings.

It went along with the John Henry was a steel driving man song by somebody, maybe Johnny Cash. 

We had lots of music styles in our house.

Pets, feelings and other stuff

First thing, my pets are suffering from the evils of capitalism just like the rest of us.
Second thing, I am beginning to dislike pets more than children.
Third thing, and there is always a third thing, I am on the precipice of my new life and I am listing. 

Ok, lets detail these things.

Pets have become substitutes for humans to interact with.  They are peoples "children" I hear said.  I have young friends that treat pets like people.  My da was very specific about pets not being treated like people.  Do not feed them from the table and don;t let them sleep in your bed with you.    I had a cat that loved to sleep under the covers.  He would sneak into the room, climb under the covers, migrated down to my feet and deposit all of his fleas under the sheets.  I thought I was with a cheap hooker in the Angolan jungle.  I scratched for three days.  One cat is very, very skinny and his fur fell off the back half of his body.  It grew back without stripes, well now the stripes are coming back. Anyway, I feed him extra little smokey hot dogs every night in hopes that he gains some weight.  He is an asshole so we cannot let him in the house.  That is the the thing about cats, they just expect us to provide everything for them, I mean, if you leave them outside, they will do just fine except when they are road crossers.  Road crossers will eventually get killed by a car, it is sort of Darwinian. 

I raised 5 children, not including myself.  I give my wife credit for that.  Fortunately, she was an adult when I met her.  She did not know much about raising children though.  She is a great nurturer of the babies and invalids.  Thinking, conniving, trecherous children above the age of two were pretty much out of her wheelhouse.  I was ready and willing to pick things up from there.  A child is like a bike wheel with loose spokes, It will wobble and break down, you just need to help it get straight and keep nudging them down the road, sometimes with a stick.  I did not dislike any of my kids, there were two kids from little league softball, Alysa and Malysa, I think they were the two twins from "The Shinning".  They gave me the evil eye because I they did not want to stand out in the sun and heat, they were ten years old and I am sure they have ruined many a life since I exorcised them from my team.  They scared me with that look. 
I think children are just too much work, never ending.  I mean even now they are grown, I worry about them, help them out in ways of guidance and guilt.  I am old and tired, I want the children to cook and clean for me and do all the things I am tired of doing.  I am tired of doing most things.  Nobody is going to do all those things for me.  Raising them was mostly chaos and pain, very little smiling, even less joy, but the joy was enormous when it came.  The sheet is not balanced though.  That is why I am listing. 

This precipice I talk about, I just lost a bunch of weight, finally see the end of the mortgage, have a decent idea about what I want to do with the last part of my life but there is that listing.  Listing from the old english meaning of " the edge".  Precipice should translate to"listing" but whatever.  I wander while I list.  If I am going to act drunk, I may as well be drunk.  I came to that conclusion and my daughter bought me one of those cute little pocket flasks.  I do not imagine I could take it on a plane but everywhere else I have a flask of vodka in case I need it. 

I need to sum this up, Pets get fat, unhealthey and unruly, children destroy vaginas, spines and order, precipices lead to change, and uncertain growth as well ass hard landings.

Not working

I have been trying to report on a phenomenon that has been part of my life for many years, the random generation of songs in my head when I wake up in the morning.  Well, I have been trying to report on the songs and some insights into my day with that song. 

Several problems have cropped up.  I am not sleeping well lately and songs are not popping into my head like they used to do.  Also, I sort of figured I could expound on memories of those songs and have a decent conversation with myself about my life related to me.  Fairly self-concentric I know.  I am bored with it and the entire shooting match.  The songs are not coming, due in part to lack of good sleep and probably also to early dimensional drift.

I had hoped to invigorate my writing and lead me to a new understanding of myself.  Nope, the four guys in the Ukraine that are following me will most likely be even more disappointed with me and my site.  This capitalist dog will no longer be in the hunt.  I am going to try to go back to school and get my major in "slacker" or something similar.  That should challenge me and my writing.  Conversely, inversely or reversely I really don't care anymore what I am saying.  

The night they drove old Dixie down

This was recorded originally by The Band, and written by Robertson and the boys.  Joan Baez made a name for everyone recording it in 1971.  The original by the Band was very aggressive and  southern.   

I like the part about Robert E. Lee, a person I have immense respect for as a soldier and a person, both were exemplary.   The Band is sort of mysterious to me musically and ethosly.  I have read about the pink house and Dylan, I guess I am too young.  Baez the same except I alwas and still consider her a babe.

My best friend growing up and probably still, (never have as close a friend as when you were 12, paraphrased from Steven King novelette)  he was from Delaware so I always listened when I heard something about the Great general. 

Different Drum"

 This is a song written by Michael Nesmith in 1965 and became popular in 1967 when recorded by the Stone Poneys featuring Linda Ronstadt.   

The song is slightly awkward yet brilliant, like most of Mike Nesmith's songs.  Ronstadt kicks ass on this song with her stylizing.  Stone Poneys is a great name for a band, up there with the Grateful Dead, these names spread fear and panic through parents around the world.

This song was written as a man but Ronstadt changed that but still used the word "pretty" which is a genius move which sort of fits rule 3 related to older phrasing.  Soon I will publish my rules for hit songs, once I finish editing it.

"Lookin' Out My Back Door"

 This is a song recorded by the American band Creedence Clearwater Revival. Written by the band's lead singer, guitarist, and songwriter, John Fogerty, it is included on their 1970 album Cosmo's Factory.  

I cannot figure this band out.  I also cannot figure out this script.  why does it do that.  There is this formating thing.  Anyway, John Fogerty is a well off southern California guy who writes songs that do not sound like the Beach boys.  I do not know anything.

On  one level, I do not even like this song, on most levels i guess. 

"High On You"

This is a 1985 song by the American rock band Survivor. It peaked at No. 8 on the Billboard Hot 100 the week of March 23, 1985.
I remember Eye of the Tiger, Rocky and all that.  Good movie song but to play it all the time on the radio, that's not right.  They  High on You rotted my brain out for almost a year.

I am glad the hard working boys of Survivor made some good money, really, I am.  I would have paid them not to let that song on the air.  Not that it is a bad song by the rules of music, rule 4 and rule 9 apply.  I guess my dread is the balance between playing a song on the radio and driving nails in my ears to not ever hear that song again.  I thought it was a 38 Special song for years.  I think the  songs of those two groups are annoying in the same way.

I always ask myself the question:  Will this song be requested and listened to in twenty years?  I have had three twenty year periods now and King of the Road still holds up.  One Oclock Jump, Glenn Miller's Moonlight Serenade, Roy Orbison's Only the lonely still hold up.  High on You?

Not so much.


PS.  The worst thing about this type of song, you cannot get it out of your head, ever.

Take the Money and run

This is a song recorded in 1976 by the Steve Miller Band. A song about two young (possibly teenage) bandits and the police officer pursuing them, it was one of the many hit singles produced by the Steve Miller Band in the 1970s and featured on Fly Like an Eagle. The song peaked at #11 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 in July 1976^[1] and also charted well in Australia.

1973 is my wheelhouse for music because my brother was a few years older than I was so I was swamped with Deep Purple, Woodstock and the Grateful Dead.  I was a senior in high school in 1976 when this song came out.  Steve Miller songs were everywhere.  Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, I was in Utah for my high school years and the availability to a wide variety  of music was limited but The Steve Miller band was always on X-Rock 80. X Rock was a border blaster,  a broadcast station that in practice is used to target another country. The term "border blaster" is of North American origin, and usually associated with Mexican AM stations covering large parts of the United States and United States border AM stations covering large parts of Canada.

XEROK-AM is a commercial AM (medium wave) radio station in Ciudad Juárez, Chihuahua, Mexico. It is licensed to operate with a power of 150,000 watts on a carrier frequency of 800 kHz, although its new transmitter is now powered at 50,000 watts. The station calls itself "Radio Cañón."
XEROK is the dominant Class A station on 800 AM, a Mexican clear channel frequency. The station had a colorful history as a border blaster, aiming its programming at listeners in the United States, when at night, its 150,000 watt signal could be easily heard in many parts of the Southwest.

In the evenning, with near zero humidity or clouds, it was possible to pick up tons of radio stations.  Most of them were the russian woodpecker versions blocking Radio Free Europe or Voice of America.  But X-Rock came in clear most nights.

Good things do come across the border.

Boom Boom, Out goes the lights

Pat Travers had a big hit in the late 70's with this one.  It was written by harmonica player Stan Lewis it was recorded by another harmonica player, Little Walter on Chess Records. Marion Walter Jacobs (1930-68) was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame in 2008.  I think the origin is suspect.  

When I was in college and trying to learn how to drink beer, this song was everywhere.  Yes it is about punching the lights out of a girl friend.  But men and women just loved this song when it was played.   The important thing to remember is that Pat Travers did a great job with this in his live concerts. 

Run, Run, Run

Written and recorded by Jo Jo Gunne , an American rock band, formed in Los Angeles, California, United States, in 1971 by Jay Ferguson (keyboards, vocals and guitar) and Mark Andes (bass guitar and vocals) after they had left Spirit. The group's name is derived from "Jo Jo Gunne", a Chuck Berry song that peaked at #83 as a single in November 1958.  

There is at least 4 other songs and 1 group with the name of Jo Jo Gunne or something similar.  I love this song.  Even fourty seven years later I love the song.  It was the first song that really kicked my ass.   I was thirteen years old, and the radio in Florida was wearing this song out.  My brother bought the album and we played it continuously when we weren't playing the Beatles, Creedence, and Led Zeppelin.   I have read some reviews of Jo Jo Gunne that compared the sound to southern rock Lynyrd Skynyrd.  It is probably the slyde guitar style.  See what I did with all those  "y's".  I have no idea what the punctuation on this stuff should be since it is poor grammar to start with.

I remember the album cover, the best album cover stereotyping the Rock era.  Young men, long hair, great car and hopefully living large.  It almost makes me cry, still.  It follows Music rule #8, great album cover.

I still have this album

"Somebody's Baby"

This is a song written by Jackson Browne and Danny Kortchmar^[1] and recorded by Browne for the 1982 Fast Times at Ridgemont High movie soundtrack.  I have not seen the entire movie if you can believe that. 

I know the take on the song but later in life, the line "She must be somebody's baby" had a larger meaning as a parent.  It is strange how that happens.  This song just popped into my head and it has been there every since that 1:30 am awakening.  I went right back to sleep but the song is still there and I rememberd thinking about it.  It was not until morning that I remembered it was Jackson Browne with an E at the end. 

Since I am a bad speller and grammar guy, an E at the end is important.

She's a Lady

This is a song written by Paul Anka and covered by a ton of people, most notably (I always wanted to say that) by Tom Jones.  You cannot say enough about Paul Anka and the transition to Rock and Roll and popular music.  He was in the middle of it, talented and smart.  The song is progressive and snappy. 


This song at its base is quit male dominated but if you really feel the lyrics, you can see who is in charge and large and that is this LADY. "But she always knows her place, She's got style, she's got grace, she's a winner!"  I am not sure where her place is, she knows it though and that is her strength. "She can take what I dish out, and that's not easy."  People have "places" in society.  We may not like our place and we can change the stars, in some places at least but "how" is usually the trick to success.  

This lady is a success in any place or time.  



 

"Last Kiss"

This is a song released by Wayne Cochran in 1961 on the Gala label.  It was later done by J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers which is the version I heard and loved.  This song makes tears in my eyes always.  It is the craziest thing but not as crazy as Wayne Cochran, with the Dolly Parton hair and Liberace outfits.  That is what Rock and Roll is all about. 

Pearl Jam had a big hit with it and I don't think I ever heard it.  I like Pearl Jam but since I don't listen to the radio since probably 1999, I have missed a bunch of stuff.  I just do not want to invest the time in listening to 53 shit songs just to hear 1 decent one.  For those keeping score that is about 1 less than awful song .02 percent of the time.  If your average song/introduction/commercial announcement,  even on stations that say they do not waste your time,  that would be in a twenty four hour period, seven(7) song that do not suck each day.  For that to be new songs that could be worth hearing more than once, I am not listening to new music intentionally because it most likely will be a waste of time. 

The song was one of several teen tragedy songs from that period.  The other one I think I have already review, "Billy, Don't be a Hero" but it did not make me cry.  It made me angry,  "War, good God, what is it good for, Absolutely nothing." 

So it goes.

King of the Road

 Technnically, this was not the first song in my head this morning.  I have not had a song in my head in the morning, the premise for this blog, for six days.  I am worried that my mental functions are changing.  I am almost sixty-one years breathing.  My mom recently died with dementia as a main cause. Although I am still challenging my mind with new ideas and processes, I cannot remember shit.

Many years ago I was introduced to the concept of "pro-active interference".  As I remember it, (hopefully)  generally current ability to remember things is related to what memories you already have.  It is a filing system issue.  There was a great, and I mean great example demonstrated on the tv show "Married....With Children where it was discovered that the daughter (a ditsy blond) had 100% recall of memory and information about a subject but with a limited amount of space in her brain.  The father put her on a game show to win a bunch of money if she could answer all the questions correctly.  Well, Her limit was something like 50 questions and they loaded her up with the all possible answers.  Anyway, an instant before she went on the show someone asked her "another" question causing her to push one question and answer out of her brain.  A classic proactive interference reference. 

[ A prominent theory of forgetting at the behavioral level is anchored in the phenomenon of interference, or inhibition, which can be either retroactive or proactive. In retroactive inhibition, new learning interferes with the retention of old memories; in proactive inhibition, old memories interfere with the retention of new learning. Both phenomena have great implications for all kinds of human learning.  This article was most recently revised and updated by Robert Lewis, Assistant Editor. https://www.britannica.com/science/memory-psychology/Forgetting#ref386914  ]

 So, allotting for interference, and general apathy, lack of good sleep and diet, I hope I am not losing my mind because now, lately I rarely have a song in my head when I wake up.

I read this recently.  "The best advice I’ve ever gotten about thinking came from a private-company CEO who has a thirty-year track record that’s up there with Warren Buffett’s. One day he said to me, “Shane, most people don’t actually think. They just take their first thought and go.”"

The important word is "first".  Now, I am a "look while I am leaping" kind of guy.  First thoughts are actual preceded by  action.  Like a horse or a cat's flight reflex.  It is autonomically controlled.  "I will figure out how to land on the way down after I leap off a cliff kind of thing.  It has served me fairly well. 

So, back to King of the Road.  My dad was a huge Roger Miller fan and I followed that lead.  His songs, Roger's, were a big part of my early music life.  We had the old furniture sized turntable with record storage and the latest in high fidelity speakers, record changers and needles.  I was allowed to play records if I was careful to drop the needle cautiously, always hold the record correctly without touching the lines and put the album back in the sleeve when done with it. 

I did all of those things. 

"The Power of Love"

This is a 1985 single by Huey Lewis and the News, written for and featured in the 1985 blockbuster film Back to the Future. It gave the band their first number-one hit on the U.S charts.

I do not have anything good to say about this song or Huey Lewis and the News.  Well, the name of the band is not too band, not creative but a nice ringing in your ear kind of name.  Even though I just made that negative statement, I have found myself very interested in the band and their songs.  It is a sickness.  I would compare them to the band "Chicago" getting stuck in a cotton candy machine and still producing songs, sticky, gooey songs.  When I catch myself singing these songs I feel like a mosquito getting stuck in tree sap.

I think it has something to do with Huey's hair.  I have the same feeling about "Loverboy's"  or McEnroe's headband.  The reason I am blogging in the first place is to get songs and feelings out of my head so I can more easily deal with the shit show of a life in the desolation that is the United States of America.  It is not working lately.

"Paint It Black"

 This (originally released as "Paint It, Black") is a song by the English rock band the Rolling Stones. Jointly credited to the songwriting partnership of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, it was first released as a single on 6 May 1966, and later included as the opening track to the US version of their 1966 album Aftermath.  

Some interesting fthings about this song are that it was created in 1966.  This song is such a progressive, fresh sound for a song today and a fine example of Mick Jagger's voice instrumentation.  He had a way with some phrases, didn't he.  It would have been fun working on this song.  Also, I think that when Ciara covered it as a sound track to the remake of WestWorld, you can see what an incredibly created and skilled song it really is. 

I remember that in the movie, "Taken", they had a green door, I think.  I thought of this song when I saw the green door scene.  Because details like color don't matter when creativity is rearing its head. 



 

"Foolin"

This is a 1983 single by British Hard rock band Def Leppard from their multi-platinum album Pyromania. When released as a single later that year, it reached #9 on the Mainstream Rock chart and #28 on the US Billboard Hot 100.^[1]

Is anybody out there, anybody there
Does anybody wonder, anybody care

This sort of hits on Rule #2:  Song must have the angst or pain of growing up.

This rule encompasses Def Leppard.  They also have Rule #7 covered with the great name and unusual spelling.  

Rock on.

"Happy Together"

This is a song by American rock band the Turtles from their third studio album Happy Together (1967). The song was written by Garry Bonner and Alan Gordon, arranged by Chip Douglas, and produced by Joe Wissert.  I do not really know much about the Turtle but I really get into this song.  It feels to me like something Jackson Browne would write.  It is just conversational lyrics set to a really nice beat. 

I remember this song was on that mix tape my friend  Kary created I guess.  We listened to it as we were dragging main street in his Ford Custom before it blew a piston through the block.  At least that is what he said happened.  I had a copy of the tape in my 8-track player.  These songs from the mid-sixties rock and roll bands gave me an idea of love and longing.  It was great to be trolling for chicks on Main street thinking we were all bad and stuff while listening to :

So happy together! 
 I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life....

For kids that have no concept of the rest of their lives, what a great song.  For kids that cannot see where they are going to get the next 50 cents for two gallons of gas enabling them to drag main another twenty times, what an appropriate song.  The big future thing when we were in high school was the Bicentennial in two very distant years, two hundred year anniversary of the United States  and waiting for the  Y2K and George Orwell.  

George was correct by the way.