In my current position at work, I sort of manage, direct, advise four people in the ways of supporting science projects for space programs. I am the expert. I know what you are thinking, "Boy, they could not have picked a finer person". Let me explain on one hand why you are correct and on the other hand why I am not the perfect person for such a program. Keep tucked away in your mind that I can see out of the back of my head, talk out of both sides of my mouth and have the ability to jump to and fro through time.
For many years, I was known as the "Emperor" because of the mystical, seemingly deified methods of logistically support provided. I was the "King" for a few years prior until I was given emperor status for clairvoyantly (even though I had to look up how to spell clairvoyant) moving six tons of hardware across 13 states, using untold dollars and through two countries in 4 days. Kings and kingdoms are butt-trouncingly cool but Emperors have a relationship with God himself. Currently, and accurately I am known as the Idiot Savant.
The support personnel I manage will be in their cubes doing whatever they do and I perceive a question coming up. Before they even finish talking I say "no, I would not do that".
Minion: I did not even finish the question and I was not talking to you!
Me: Fine, whatever but I would not do that!
Minion: Do you want to hear the question?
Me: Only if I do not have to answer any more questions!
Minion: I was asking everyone if they wanted to go to Taco Tuesday for lunch.
Me: There is free cookies in the lobby by that time, The Sam's Club guy is going to be here today.
Minions: He was just here two days ago!
Me: (no response but with hands in the air knowing the "Children" as I call them will be stumbling in my doorway to see how I know about the cookie guy)
I bought The Children breakfast today. They have been working on a project for a few weeks; it is finished and they did a really great job and it is Christmas soon. While they ate, they asked me questions about life and living, children and parenting. I sat quietly and finally said, "That was the best twelve dollars I ever spent. You guys should be proud of yourself. I never did answer the questions. They probably think I did or maybe I did. I will have to look back in time and check since I did not take notes.
I may not be the best person for the job because I just do not care about the big picture. The big picture, the grand scheme, the whole enchilada is all dorked up and much bigger dorks than me are trying to fix it. I work for a smaller prize, a more tangible reward. You guessed it "Food". Pavlov is my hero and the main reason I was so interested in science. Well, that and the glassware. Pavlov's dog received food, I love food. I have never slept with food and I do not want to marry any. There was that creature in Shawnee Mission, Kansas. Like Bill says, "I'd like to sop that up with a biscuit". There is of course a wrong way, a correct way and a company way. The wrong way is of course wrong, the correct way is most likely not the company way and therefore "wrong". The company way is also wrong but not anyone will know until it passes through about eight months of supply chain wisdom and travels across the country. The only feedback from Corporate I will ever receive is, "Why did we do that in the first place?" I will just hold my hand up and wait for the praise.
For many years, I was known as the "Emperor" because of the mystical, seemingly deified methods of logistically support provided. I was the "King" for a few years prior until I was given emperor status for clairvoyantly (even though I had to look up how to spell clairvoyant) moving six tons of hardware across 13 states, using untold dollars and through two countries in 4 days. Kings and kingdoms are butt-trouncingly cool but Emperors have a relationship with God himself. Currently, and accurately I am known as the Idiot Savant.
The support personnel I manage will be in their cubes doing whatever they do and I perceive a question coming up. Before they even finish talking I say "no, I would not do that".
Minion: I did not even finish the question and I was not talking to you!
Me: Fine, whatever but I would not do that!
Minion: Do you want to hear the question?
Me: Only if I do not have to answer any more questions!
Minion: I was asking everyone if they wanted to go to Taco Tuesday for lunch.
Me: There is free cookies in the lobby by that time, The Sam's Club guy is going to be here today.
Minions: He was just here two days ago!
Me: (no response but with hands in the air knowing the "Children" as I call them will be stumbling in my doorway to see how I know about the cookie guy)
I bought The Children breakfast today. They have been working on a project for a few weeks; it is finished and they did a really great job and it is Christmas soon. While they ate, they asked me questions about life and living, children and parenting. I sat quietly and finally said, "That was the best twelve dollars I ever spent. You guys should be proud of yourself. I never did answer the questions. They probably think I did or maybe I did. I will have to look back in time and check since I did not take notes.
I may not be the best person for the job because I just do not care about the big picture. The big picture, the grand scheme, the whole enchilada is all dorked up and much bigger dorks than me are trying to fix it. I work for a smaller prize, a more tangible reward. You guessed it "Food". Pavlov is my hero and the main reason I was so interested in science. Well, that and the glassware. Pavlov's dog received food, I love food. I have never slept with food and I do not want to marry any. There was that creature in Shawnee Mission, Kansas. Like Bill says, "I'd like to sop that up with a biscuit". There is of course a wrong way, a correct way and a company way. The wrong way is of course wrong, the correct way is most likely not the company way and therefore "wrong". The company way is also wrong but not anyone will know until it passes through about eight months of supply chain wisdom and travels across the country. The only feedback from Corporate I will ever receive is, "Why did we do that in the first place?" I will just hold my hand up and wait for the praise.
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