I strongly believe in ten years most computers, phones, whatevers will be controlled by voice activation. Keyboards are going away. Spelling is going away. Simple voice commands and even more complex programs will run the truly smart products. Refrigerators and cars currently have the technology. If you have not been really frustrated lately, find the program on your computer or phone that deals with voice activated commands. How can I phrase this knowing that young eyes are about. "Un-holy freakin Satan's lipgloss" what a screwed up mess.
The tutorial pictures a fine looking young lady all postured correctly and with nothing less than perfect lips and hair. This aberrant wench is going to glide me through the process of setting up my computer to respond to "voice commands". I do not even listen to myself when I talk so I am hopeful the computer will pick up the slack. The smarmy tutorial lady says " When you have read this page, say "next"".
I dutifully say "next". Nothing happens so I say "NEXT". The text box says "what did you say?"
"I said NEXT you &*%^^& a-hole, NEXT!" It moves to the next screen. I am not sure if it was because I said "next" properly because I said it two different ways. So I said "next" again and the tutorial skipped a page. I thought shit and I said "Shit, Back" and it went back to the page I skipped. I said "shit Next" and the page advanced. Now the computer knows three words, next, shit and back. Twenty-first century here I come.
The tutorial told me how to open files and close files, scroll pages and edit text. I am now talking like a like Peewee Herman on Meth. All of a sudden, the text writer started typing random news updates from the Disney News Network. My damn computer has gained consciousness and it wants to go to Disneyland. Then, I shit you not in the least, the voice recognition became voice activated. The Devil himself said, "Disney stock closed dowwwwwn on the news of the weeeeak response in Greece". Beelzebub has a speech impediment and he is talking at me.
I pushed away from the desk with all the vigor I could muster thirty eight minutes before lunch. The last word I heard was "Reuters" and I yelled, "Shit Back, NEXT, stop, shit" and I hit the power button. The guy in the next cube asked me if I was OK and that I seemed a little tense. I asked Joe to check me out for the mark of the Beast. He knows me well so he did not ask any questions. He did find a mole that seemed to look like mouse but no "6's". I have not turned on that computer since the battle with the underworld. I use the backup desktop with a wireless keyboard and mouse. Not even Satan can figure out Bluetooth.
I can now control my computer with voice commands but I am afraid to plug the damn thing in so it was a typical day on the government payroll.
The tutorial pictures a fine looking young lady all postured correctly and with nothing less than perfect lips and hair. This aberrant wench is going to glide me through the process of setting up my computer to respond to "voice commands". I do not even listen to myself when I talk so I am hopeful the computer will pick up the slack. The smarmy tutorial lady says " When you have read this page, say "next"".
I dutifully say "next". Nothing happens so I say "NEXT". The text box says "what did you say?"
"I said NEXT you &*%^^& a-hole, NEXT!" It moves to the next screen. I am not sure if it was because I said "next" properly because I said it two different ways. So I said "next" again and the tutorial skipped a page. I thought shit and I said "Shit, Back" and it went back to the page I skipped. I said "shit Next" and the page advanced. Now the computer knows three words, next, shit and back. Twenty-first century here I come.
The tutorial told me how to open files and close files, scroll pages and edit text. I am now talking like a like Peewee Herman on Meth. All of a sudden, the text writer started typing random news updates from the Disney News Network. My damn computer has gained consciousness and it wants to go to Disneyland. Then, I shit you not in the least, the voice recognition became voice activated. The Devil himself said, "Disney stock closed dowwwwwn on the news of the weeeeak response in Greece". Beelzebub has a speech impediment and he is talking at me.
I pushed away from the desk with all the vigor I could muster thirty eight minutes before lunch. The last word I heard was "Reuters" and I yelled, "Shit Back, NEXT, stop, shit" and I hit the power button. The guy in the next cube asked me if I was OK and that I seemed a little tense. I asked Joe to check me out for the mark of the Beast. He knows me well so he did not ask any questions. He did find a mole that seemed to look like mouse but no "6's". I have not turned on that computer since the battle with the underworld. I use the backup desktop with a wireless keyboard and mouse. Not even Satan can figure out Bluetooth.
I can now control my computer with voice commands but I am afraid to plug the damn thing in so it was a typical day on the government payroll.
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