Tiger Woods to see Mr. Reynolds. He is expecting me.
Tiger stands there in the lobby of the Cannonball Run Studios looking at all the movie posters with his tattered copy of "Players for Dummies" under his arm. He blurts out, "The Tiger is impressed!"
"Not bad, Huh" quips Reynolds who just enters from a door stage left. Tiger is startled. And Oh, that book is not approved reading for beginner players, it is a rip off of Clinton's book "How to be a Player for Morons".
Tiger: Thanks for seeing me Mr. Reynolds, I did not know where to turn. You see, they pulled my card and I cannot get cruise discounts or invites to the sponsored parties and all that. Shiiitt!
Burt: Hah, there is plenty of time for that. Do you want to see some more posters? This was the canoe from Deliverance.
Tiger walks over and looks in the door Mr. Reynolds came through. "Its a closet!"
Burt: Yeh, hah, Remember, an actor always needs to make a good entrance. Now, how can I help you? Oh, yeh, the Card. Well, most people kinda figure it out along the way but, I guess you did not have a mentor, and with butt-loads of money, well, yeh, hah, it is all good.
Tiger: What?
Burt: See, officially, you are not a Player until you get married because, well, just because. Where did you get your card?
Tiger: Anika!
Burt: Come again? leaning his head to the side like Ole Blue the Bloodhound.
Tiger: Anika Sorenstam, she gave it to me.
Burt: Oh, hah, that reminds me, wants some nuts?
Tiger: Nuts?
Burt: Boiled peanuts, yeh, they are great, when I was at FSU, I lived on these things. Hah, hah, lets look at your file. (flipping through the two pages and looking intently up and down furrowing his brow erratically) Yeh, Daily said you took it pretty hard when he tore it up in front of you. It was supposed to be dramatic. This is serious stuff, Playing I mean.
Tiger: Two years is a long time few mistakes of protocol.
Burt: Well, I talked with Bjorn (Supreme Player Borg) yesterday on that very subject. He had dinner with your ex-wife the other day and he said she is one fine "hamreklocka". heh, yeh, ah, I can fit you in a mentoring class. It is for newbies. It is seven straight evenings, some videos with dos and don'ts.
Tiger: Evenings?
Burt: Four hours a night. We don't want you running out trying to play during the training. You will be in a shaky state of mind. They have a standard to uphold. You had your card without any training at all. It is a wonder you lasted as long as you did.
Tiger: OK, I am in. Is that it?
HeBurt: h, hah, no, what, Oh, yeh, Just remember, Bitches are like universes, if they run into each other, they explode and your toast! See ya Sunday for orientation.
Tiger stands there in the lobby of the Cannonball Run Studios looking at all the movie posters with his tattered copy of "Players for Dummies" under his arm. He blurts out, "The Tiger is impressed!"
"Not bad, Huh" quips Reynolds who just enters from a door stage left. Tiger is startled. And Oh, that book is not approved reading for beginner players, it is a rip off of Clinton's book "How to be a Player for Morons".
Tiger: Thanks for seeing me Mr. Reynolds, I did not know where to turn. You see, they pulled my card and I cannot get cruise discounts or invites to the sponsored parties and all that. Shiiitt!
Burt: Hah, there is plenty of time for that. Do you want to see some more posters? This was the canoe from Deliverance.
Tiger walks over and looks in the door Mr. Reynolds came through. "Its a closet!"
Burt: Yeh, hah, Remember, an actor always needs to make a good entrance. Now, how can I help you? Oh, yeh, the Card. Well, most people kinda figure it out along the way but, I guess you did not have a mentor, and with butt-loads of money, well, yeh, hah, it is all good.
Tiger: What?
Burt: See, officially, you are not a Player until you get married because, well, just because. Where did you get your card?
Tiger: Anika!
Burt: Come again? leaning his head to the side like Ole Blue the Bloodhound.
Tiger: Anika Sorenstam, she gave it to me.
Burt: Oh, hah, that reminds me, wants some nuts?
Tiger: Nuts?
Burt: Boiled peanuts, yeh, they are great, when I was at FSU, I lived on these things. Hah, hah, lets look at your file. (flipping through the two pages and looking intently up and down furrowing his brow erratically) Yeh, Daily said you took it pretty hard when he tore it up in front of you. It was supposed to be dramatic. This is serious stuff, Playing I mean.
Tiger: Two years is a long time few mistakes of protocol.
Burt: Well, I talked with Bjorn (Supreme Player Borg) yesterday on that very subject. He had dinner with your ex-wife the other day and he said she is one fine "hamreklocka". heh, yeh, ah, I can fit you in a mentoring class. It is for newbies. It is seven straight evenings, some videos with dos and don'ts.
Tiger: Evenings?
Burt: Four hours a night. We don't want you running out trying to play during the training. You will be in a shaky state of mind. They have a standard to uphold. You had your card without any training at all. It is a wonder you lasted as long as you did.
Tiger: OK, I am in. Is that it?
HeBurt: h, hah, no, what, Oh, yeh, Just remember, Bitches are like universes, if they run into each other, they explode and your toast! See ya Sunday for orientation.
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