Stats

I just looked at my blog stats for the year.  I have a few regular readers.  I have maybe six regular readers.  Every once in a while I get a blip from two flat head Neomorphs in the Ukraine trying to snark my machine.  I think they are women because I just think they are.  My niece tells me she gets on to the site every so often and catches up on a whole bunch of them.  I had someone from Iceland reading it for two days straight.  Their computer must have been broken.

Statistics could be exciting if it were not for all the numbers and math.  Pie charts are my favorite statistical tool.  It makes it simple to like pie and charts.  I hate spreadsheets.  Spreadsheets remind me of little people with even smaller wankers who drive big cars.  Spreadsheets have all those obvious numbers that are meaningless without graphs and standard deviations.  My stats look impressive if I blow them up big enough and compare them to KFed's record sales. 

Statistics are everything in baseball.  They try to invent statistics for NASCAR and the NFL.  Does anyone really care about completion percentage or yards per carry?  A repetitive "NO" is required.  Do lap times mean squat in practice runs around an oval.  No.  Most sports including baseball have a shifting baseline.  (One of my favorite web sites)   The 162 game season or in football, the 14 game season all mean something to stat mongers.  NASCAR changes statistics weekly to try to make running around in circles interesting.  Wrecks, fights and groupies make things interesting, not numbers.  Baseball is considered a unique sport because of the statistics.  It is a sport for Eunuchs maybe, if you add in all the new stats. 

My blog has had 2000 visits in a year.  That is about the same as the number of times I went to the bathroom in a year so you see how statistics work.

Sometimes I Just Sit

Sometimes I sit and think and sometimes I just sit!  I  have heard this said and I have said it.  I probably will not say it any more.  I google whacked it and there is tons of stupid junk written related to it.  I never found out who is credited with the saying and I would be embarrassed to use the phrase again.  It is not original or funny from here on out.

My dad used to say whenever he did not want our freely given opinion.  "Who rattled your chain?" or "I don't remember rattling your chain!"  Chain, what chain?  Possibly even more important, they do not rattle.  They clank but you would never say, "Who clanked your chain?"  Remember in "Cool Hand Luke" when Paul Newman says while taking a pee behind a bush, "I'm shaking it Boss".  Now you can shake a chain, a bush or puddin.  I do not think I have ever rattled.

Many times I have failed to "Look before I leaped" and usually it cost me dearly because it is physically impossible to change direction when you are jumping over a bush and going to land on a cactus.  Damage control is an understatement.  Sometimes God expects a leap of faith.  I am in charge of the leap and He is in charge of the landing I guess.  God allows cacti in our lives also. 

I never say "It is what it is" and I will fight for my right to not say it.  Of course it is, what the hell else would it be.  At least, "It ain't what it appears to be" gives you some wiggle room on one's own stupidity.  "It appeared to be a monkey screwing a football but if you can believe it, it ain't what it appears to be".  It still may be what it is, at least I hope so.

Someone said to my the other day, "Hey Matt, what do you think of this?" My gut tells me this must be a trick question.  I look around and say "HMP".  I learned long ago not to say anything if you do not know what to say.  I have failed in this concept so many times.  When my wife asks me if the shirt is ugly or if it makes her look old.  I always hope there is a third choice.  I usually say, "I have no fashion sense, ask Alix".  Since she has moved out, I told my son that he will have to brush up on the fashion stuff.  I got him a subscription to Vogue.  I have learned to place my hand over my mouth the instant someone asks me a question in case I need to edit my response.  My mouth starts moving before my brain is awake.  Hump is the same response as "look before your leap".  OK. 

Thoughts on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  I have said this before and I just confirmed it by living through another "family" party.  Some family parties are excuses and precursors for domestic violence.  Some dysfunctional families get together during Thanksgiving only to drink too much, eat improperly prepared foods and go home feeling much worse than when they arrived.  Families get together out of guilt and insanity.  (Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result)  Meeting year after year in hopes that at least once everyone will get along and be "happy" is nuts.  Or as Benny Hill would say "Das Braininstuff up dehn Umpa". 

The Thanksgiving our extended families just created was truly a time of thanks and giving.  Many different people amassed at my house talked and chit chatted for hours.  The food has always been of the utmost importance and quality.  The children, yes the lovely children seemed to sense that these strangers are of a familiar kind.  They all share games and secrets like long lost friends.  The kids do not know it but these are friends they will have for the rest of their lives and that is as it should be. 

The best group is the old crowd.  My aunts and uncles whom I have literally known my entire life.  We say that phrase often, "my entire life".  This is one situation that rings truth to that phrase.  These people have filled in for our own parents when for whatever reason we needs then to.  They love us like our own parents do or should and their children are as familiar as a brother or a sister.  The old crowd is so fun to watch interact.  They too have been together their entire lives. 

I thanked all that came and I meant it with my heart.  There was food left over and I ate it quickly so to shorten the pain to a few days instead of many.  

Civic Duty

I remember in Seventh Grade I was led into a real voting booth to cast my simulated vote for president of the United States.  It was an experiment in civic responsibility.  I remember not knowing anything about the candidates Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford and thinking that I should for such a huge responsibility as "voting".  I was so scared I did not vote that day or any other of the next two thousand nine hundred and twenty days to be exact.  When I did force my way into a voting booth, I voted for High Speed Rail in Orlando and Bob Graham for governor.    That was 1979.

I only voted for the subjects I knew something about.  I remember the ballot had some other bills and stuff but I did not vote yes or no.  I could not, would not with a goat so I did not will not with the vote.  I have voted for many thing on a fairly regular basis since that time.  I voted against off shore drilling and for Jeb Bush. I voted for Bush Sr. and against W. Bush.  I cast 1 vote for a cartoon character.  He had the best platform. 

Recently, I have tried very hard to vote locally and learn the topics and form an opinion.  I tried to apply the formula, If I cannot reason a choice, vote out incumbent, vote in female, reject amendments, vote yes for modifications.   Also, I believe in using the "Christmas tree" format for the selections.  Hell, it got me through the ACT test for college with a 23 score so I figured nothing but the best artwork for the country.  I do love the ballots where there is a space for a write in candidate.  The candidate formerly known as Prince got a vote one year.  IF I ever vote again, Josie Wales will get a write in. 

I think we should be able to cast a "NO" votes and the candidate with the least NOs wins.  Editorial votes would be nice. 

1.  For County Judge,  To Bit Jenkins, __YES,__NO, __MORON.

Our vote should be a representation of the people.  How are we going to clean up this mess if we have to keep appointing idiots, perverts, liars, crooks and morons to positions.  Those are the only choices.  Since they are not accomplishing a freakin thing accept blowing our tax money and each other, we, and I speak for Americas, do not need any of them.  We should only vote for felons and illiterate inbreds and I am pretty sure things would come around nicely in one election cycle. 

2.  For Election Commissioner
__"Scar" Ellison,, Experience   -  9 yrs for armed robbery and Sedition
__ Sue Benton, former deputy Housing commissioner
__ Richard Markleson, Accountant with tie and bad hair

The only other suggestion I have is that they give away barbecue and water from the local aquifer (if there is a bill related to water usage and health on the ballot)  at the polling stations.  People would show up and have a good time.

Children of Wall Street

I was talking with a deregulator the other day.  He expressed his contempt for government over regulation. 

I don't need anyone telling me what Dr. to go to, what kind of light bulb to buy or if I can buy a gun or not.  He went on to say, "The government needs to round up all those immigrants in Texas and ship them back to Mexico, kick all those dead beats off of welfare and create some jobs for the working man."

I pondered his rant.

I have said before that teenagers think that we make them come in at midnight so as to keep them from having fun.  No, they need some regulation.  The atmosphere they exist in cannot assure safety and good decision making.  That is why we need to regulate banks, healthcare and guns.  Not so they cannot make money and have fun.   Yes it is true they may not make as much money.  Selling guns secretly to gangs is a larger more lucrative market than the general public.  Leveraging our money to one percent of its value will make wall street much richer but when the note comes due, we lose, not the bankers.  Drugs and doctors pushing products and services we no not need make them a ton of money.  I regulated my kids as much as I could.  I want the government to do the same with my tax dollars.

I think the rich should be rich, I think wall street should play its games.  I just want the government to make sure that if they screw up, it does not cost me.  That is what I want from these adolescent bone heads.