Grocery List

I have a grocery list on my IPhone6.  This is the list I have created over about three weeks.  I keep adding to it and never delete anything.  It is a representation of what is required in my household.  Some of these items I never purchase or receive but I keep them on the list.  I am cheap and frugal but mostly cheap so my family instructs me on the exact nature of their needs are for food.  I tend to pick the cheapest in many cases and they explain at the meeting "that will not do".

Pizza  --  This can be frozen or fresh made.
cat food  --  Various types.
nibbles  --  Whatever I think the humans and/or animals will like as a snack.
corn  --  Any type but usually includes cream style and frozen.
Peas --  Same as corn.
blowjob  --  I do not expect to get this at the store or anywhere else.
Ibuprofen 
Seltzer water  --  Any flavor, no sugar.
Mixed fruit, canned  --  Mostly for Jeffery the pig.
Garbage bags
Bananas  --  There is nothing better than a solid, slightly ripe, stiff banana in the morning.
Coffee cream  --  Specific type.
Bug spray  --  For prevention of various mosquito borne diseases for humans and Jeffery the pig.
Chips
Sausage --  I like mild Italian style.  My family thinks it tastes funny.
Breakfast sausage  --  No it is not a duplicate, silly me.  It has to be fully cooked and processed pseudo sausage.  If not my family says it tastes funny.
Dog food  --  Purina One puppy.  We do not have a puppy.
Pig food  --  Mostly a catch all for breakfast oatmeal or anything like that on sale.
Ice cream
Donuts --  mostly powdered sugar cake donuts.
Potatoes
Milk --   Cow and Almond because we can.
Chips
Tomatoes
Lettuce
Ham  --  I like the Black Forest type.  It brings back memories of carnage and barbarism while I tear into the packaging.
Chicken  --  This is cheap ass perpetually frozen chicken thighs that are boiled and given to the dogs.  It is cheaper than any dog snack. 
Cheese --  I want to be a cheese maker.
Meatballs  --  I have found a brand that with a little help are as good as they need to be.
Sugar  --  A fine symbol of capitalism that is holding its own in the every changing diet world.  With modified corn syrup  losing sway with the "civilized world", sugar is making a comeback.
Tea  --  This is for ice tea with sugar in it.
Butter  --  Also making a comeback in the civilized world.
Candy  --  Kit Kat and Starburst
Bread  --  Special, more expensive bread that will take longer to go bad because although someone wanted it, sandwiches are so not interesting.
Pasta  --  Now the trend has shifted from egg noodles to Ditalini.  I do not guess I should tell them it means "little fingers".
Soup  --  This is a hot button of resentment.  It has to be beef consume for the ditalini.  Beef broth will not due even though beef broth is half the price.  Any other soup must be approved by my son and wife to meet the strict requirements at the bi-weekly "You are a lousy shopper meeting".  "It must be something they want to eat at the given time they think they want soup".  It is really very simple.  I will fail.
Salami  --  It must be "hard" salami.  I grew up in Florida in the 60's.  I figured there was on type of salami, one type of milk, and one type of hurricanes.  I guess it is like the banana.
Fabric softener  --  The most expensive kind please.  I tried to explain that "please" does not help.
Suffering  --  I do not pay to receive this but it must jump in the basket because as soon as I get back from the store I start suffering.  Misery lives under my house and come out when Suffering needs help.
Spaghetti  --  Silly me, I again thought there were only three types of pasta, spaghetti, macaroni and the big round stuff.
Cocoanut Milk
Syrup
Cilantro 
Shampoo  --  Do not get me going again.
Soap
Fix-a-flat --  What a great invention.
Tennis balls
Goat milk  --  For when Jeffery was a baby.

Delusions and goals

"A well-formed delusion can go a long way to aid in achieving your goals."  Who said that.  I did but I probably read something like it somewhere, sometime.

It got me thinking though.  I know a lady that told herself constantly that she would become a veterinarian some day.  She was a bit of an air head and we all have dreams and I said to myself, "Good for you lady with the nice butt".  She is now a veterinarian and I am doing the same thing I was doing back when she visioned her dreams.  Not that I am complaining about how many of my dreams were not realized yet.  I can only blame myself.

I know that in my past, any goal desired in which I drove my heart and soul toward was achieved and with quite nice results.  There have been far too few goals that I went after with the kind of zeal that was needed to succeed.  I have acquaintances that still just seem to fall into shit and come out smelling like a rose.  I cannot believe it is intelligence that get them through it mainly because they do not have much.  It takes very little effort to make a wrong turn and falling down a rabbit hole is usually fatal.

My perception of the entire issue must be the problem.  That is where delusion comes in.  Maybe my delusions are just not framed correctly.  Maybe they believe their delusions more deeply than I believe mine.  I can be quit the skeptic and naive.  I would be a good politician.  I know a guy that can get a job doing anything from the highly technical to the mundane.  His job mowing the highway lead him to being in charge of a major labor contract for a government agency.  He was arrogant and a giant tool.  His delusion was that he was something special and he could convince everyone of it.

Some goals are never verbalized and can still be realized.  Things like raising decent children or being a person to be respected are never really talked about but in the end seem very important.  I cannot imagine anyone not having dreams of a better life for their kids when they are born.  I know the sidetracks life takes while trying to raise brainless crumb-snatchers and at times it too much to take for all people.   This again is where the delusion comes in.  I was expected to be a college graduate and a decent person.  It was my parent's dream that they somehow placed in my brain and made it my dream.

What is the difference between a dream and a delusion?  The difference is just a nuance.  Society will determine which it is in the long term.

Status on Jeffery

In case you are new to this blog, Jeffery is a pig.  He is four months old and has been living quite happily in my house since we obtained him from a hunter.  What is most interesting about that day was that when I sent the initial photo to my wife she said "I have to have him".  As with most things with my wife, children, couches, husbands and pets soon obtain the title of "dirt generating pains in the ass".  

Jeffery is all pig.  His skin is a magnet for dirt.  He has no discernible figure or body shape aside from a torpedo and he acts like one.  His neck is fatter than his butt.  His nose is this truly remarkably soft dirt modulating jackhammer.  He has the sweetest eyes and squeaks when you scratch him under his arm.   He thinks he is a dog which is sad because my dogs think they are humans so I am not sure what they are teaching him.  He chases the balls when we throw them, he first runs toward a barking dog and then runs away scurrying under the porch and stick his nose out the steps.

The other day, Jeffery and Pumpernik, one of our dogs with a broken leg went adventuring out in the swamp.  They were gone about an hour and I figured one or both of them were eaten by an alligator or a python but Pumpernik came slogging though the ditch covered in mud and dehydrated.  I tried to clean him up before my wife saw him but he darted upstairs to jump on the bed and show mom how much fun he had in the swamp.  Jeffery came strolling in about ten minutes later.  I scolded him and told him to stay in the yard while making him get in his wading pool to cool off.  It was his first adventure into the wild and it was wild.  I knew their adventure was over and mine was beginning when my wife started screaming about the dirt.

Getting to the Point

I have to be careful with this blog and I have to be careful the next few days.  Why?  Well it is my attitude.  It is poor. For those that know me (or think they know me) this is not a surprise.  I noticed last week that I was a little short with the police officer that was monitoring my traffic habits when he asked me to "slow down" while going through an abandoned construction area on the week end.  I explained that I "was slowing down" and he said something about something which  I did not listen to.  At that point, every ounce in my body wanted to tell him that I did not get up this morning, drive in to work at three AM to actively give a shit whether he thought I was slowing down fast enough.  It did not help that he was wearing John Lennon style glasses and had an orange face like a pumpkin without a tan.  I am fairly sure that someone who violates lifestyle dress codes as he did is not going to cut me much slack if I insult him. 

One of the other reasons I have to be careful with this blog is because if it is true that companies screen employee web info, I most likely will offend my employer and I need to work for a while longer so I can pay off my house before they put the lid on my coffin.  It will be about the same time as I figure it.  I told my family that if the city or anyone takes my dead body away then they own it and they pay for burial.  I am not.  No final expense life insurance here.  Nope, Nada, Zip, Huey.  I have worked for good companies and bad companies.  The simple difference is that good companies value their employees and bad companies say that their employees are valuable assets. They mean that employees are the most expensive part of the operation and are on the debit side of the equation.  Bad companies, in spite of efforts and expenditures are poorly organized and misdirected.

A third reason I have to be careful is that I am like snowball rolling down a hill and my verbal outbursts will get me in trouble.  I can tell I am rolling and it is possible I could open my mouth and let an unfortunate criticism escape.  People do not understand my criticism.  I have ill will for almost no people on this earth so do not take what I say all that seriously.  There is that fathead at the baseball field but my dislike for him is more for a type of person that he exemplifies than for him.  There are "children" in general.  Now, I love my children and I love my grandchildren but I like the idea of children as an entity less and less and see no good reason for them at all.  If I want to be aggravated by animals that make messes and leave waste all over the place, suck up loose change like a vacuum cleaner, do absolutely nothing and live way past the time they are cute then I will get a fucking horse.  I can make this statement because my wife has horses.  We actually let other unbalanced people keep their horses on our property for rent which they assume is optional.   "I am going to be a little short this month so I can only pay you a percentage of what we agreed to."   Go tell that to Napoleon.  I am rolling faster.

OK, the point is this.  In a world where really everyone is just trying to get through the moment, the hour or the day without screwing up too badly or sinning too boldly, why don't people take the most direct path, the simplest route or the most effective solution to reach that end.  Why must we have mountains of paperwork and red tape that substitutes for safe working environments.  Why must we ignore love and peace accepting  violence and wars instead.  I recently went on a vacation and really enjoyed it.  I did not wear a life preserver, I did not have to deal with any children, I broke a few rules and minor laws but started no wars.  I slept when I was tired and just to prove a point, I slept when I was not tired.  I did not avoid any conversations or awkward situations. I was the quintessential me for three days.  I need a break.

Fathers Day

Last week end it was "Fathers Day".  Some strange things happened on that day that made me feel like an inadequate father and a bad son.  I would just prefer not to be singled out for any praises anytime unless a ton of money is attached to the praise.  That has yet to happen and probably will not. 

The "children", the people I work with every day at my place of employment decided that I needed some attention when I come in first thing in the morning.  There is a fifty yard walk from the parking lot to the entrance to the building.  Our offices are on the second floor and the children have taken to opening the windows and applauding and cheering for me as I walk to the building.  It is quite embarrassing.  I now circle around to the back of the building and enter that way.  I like to be appreciated but not applauded, like I said unless they are throwing money out the window as they cheer.  I never feel completely secure and deserving with accolades of a kind.

Now, Fathers Day.  Is it Father's day, a possessive kind of thing or is it Fathers day, a plural kind of thing?  I am not even sure I understand what I just asked or if it is a question at all.  I ended it with a question mark just in case.  Regardless, an old friend of mine, God rest his soul used to tell me, "you never know what your raised until they are grown!"  I assume most people have high, noble hopes for their children when they are born.  Soon life starts getting in the way and sacrifices are made to your moral fiber and you have to pay for milk and diapers and hope for the rent.  Your children's nurturing is sacrificed for overtime to pay the electric bill.  My kids say nice things on this day and I believe they are sincere. 

There are the opportunities for growth that I did not let the children experience and the poor situational choices that I left them to make in several instances that haunt me during the sincere praise.  Fathers day is like a yearly review of my life and frankly I am getting tired of it.  Too much examination of my life is like watching Fonzie jump the shark over and over again. It is like watching someone make sausage with a hand grinder.  More leftover shit meat, more spices and more grinding, a ceaseless grinding.   I did some things good and bad that I know they remember.  I guess as they grown older they too will reflect yearly on those things and maybe that is the sincerity that they now show. 

As for a bad son, I was not.  I was a unique and difficult son.  Life was a fog and yet clear to me.  My father could not understand that.  Mom said she did but she was just being a mom.  I wish my father was still around to aggravate.  The confused look on his face when I confounded him was priceless.  I never really did it on purpose.  Half way through whatever nonsense I was involved in I would think about my dad and imagine his consternation.  He let me be me and just tried to guide me through the maze.  And I always got through the maze.  I was clueless but he kept my feet moving and suddenly I was in a clearing looking for another adventure. 

I recommend that very few people procreate.  It is just not worth it.  The village has no idea how to raise children.  The government is neglectful of children.  Being brought into this world is a highly unfair and spiteful thing to do to a child.  Even the people that I think could be good parents should reconsider.  Raising children is too much work and it never ends.  Worrying about kids and trying to set a good example in a world of terrible examples is a lifetime sentence of self examination.  I hate it.  I want to fly off into a rage against childbirth. To  borrow and mangle a paraphrase from Cal Ripken's father,  "Perfect parenting makes perfect children".  Bull shit.  There is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child.   Well, I lost my point somewhere. Maybe not.