Thursday, March 1, 2012

Sanity

The other morning I was getting out of the shower and I heard a strange noise outside the window.  I glanced out and I saw a huge tornado, like the one in "The Wizard of Oz" coming directly toward me.  Of course I was mistaken and it was just the trunk of a palm tree.  This is not the first time I have thought a tornado was coming in my bathroom window. 

If I am sane or not sane cannot be determined by one palm tree tornado but there are indicators.  I watched a movie yesterday called "Proof" with Gwyneth Paltrow and Anthony Hopkins.  Sanity was a main theme and I concluded that being sane or not sane is not the issue.  Being useful or not useful is the true measure of usefulness.  You can be sane and completely useless or the reverse.  enas dna sselesu.  When I was at football practice, the coach asked a kid why he ran all the way across the field to try to tackle someone when his job was to stay where he was to prevent a reversal play.  The kid said, I don't know, I just had to attack someone.  He also said the Northern Lights were the result of God peeing on a rainbow.   That kid never was very useful on the football field and he was most likely not insane. 

I have insane thoughts all the time.  I wonder how we would run if we had three legs.  There are millions of different types of creature but none of them have three legs.  Some have one leg (snail-foot) and some like the Kangaroo seem to use the tail to sit on but that would be a second butt and we thought we had problems.   I saw a frog with three legs.  One of them went to a restaurant I guess.  The frog would hop, roll, croak and then steady himself and hop again.  What if when you shook hands with someone you did not like, you could not let go until you apologized for the transgression.  I read somewhere that the only books you get to read in heaven are the ones you gave away on earth.  I have given away a few books since hearing that phrase.  What if the only food you could eat in heaven was the food you gave to the poor while on earth.  Remember that book about the five people you will meet in heaven.  I thought about the five I would like to see in heaven.  That girl and her sister in the convertible BMW, I will give up four people for those two.  I would like to spend some time with Benjamin Franklin or Mark Twain.  Annie Oakley or Amelia Earjart would also be cool.

That tornado taught me something about sanity.  Like my supposition of a real tornado, sanity is fleeting and relative.  An autistic savant can be screwier that a bat's mustache but they can love and be loved.  There are some people and we all know them that seem very sane but also extremely un-lovable.  I drew a picture of a horse with no neck.  It sort of looked like a rhinoceros but when I draw a picture of a rhinoceros it looks like Pennsylvania.  I did draw a picture of a man with a wooden leg named Smith.  So what was the name of his other leg? (Mary Poppins)  One of my most favorite ridiculous sayings is  "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water".  This was explained that when water was drawn from a well or in short supply, everyone in the family used the same water for a bath and by the time it got down to the baby (last) the water was so dirty you may not notice a baby in the water.  The child would have drowned if you did not notice a big lump in the bath.  " Dang it Earl, was that a baby I saw going out the window?  Aw shit Helen, that is the second baby we lost this spring.  Someone should invent something to prevent that." 

Momma used to say Crazy is as Crazy does!  For sure.  Enough said.

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