Recently, I had the opportunity to chat with the Player about women and things, mostly women. I was first impressed with the variety of subjects he was able to talk through. The Player is not a one dimensional horn dog with an unquenched libido. He has probably two dimensions. I think the overall definition is "a shallow pool with a few sandbars". His pursuit of women is not a quest or a goal, it is more like breathing. Being with women for him is like air to most people. The Player is extremely agitated when there are not women around and he cannot breath.
The Player: "Stan, I don't smell any women around here!"
Stan the bar tender: "Jill will be in about two. Happy Hour starts at three"
The Player tips his beer and takes a deep breath preparing to be female-less for another twenty minutes. This is my chance to get in some questions.
Researcher: When was the last time you kissed a woman and told her you loved her afterwards?
The Player: (chuckling) Well, that has been a while. A few years probably.
Researcher: Who was the last woman you wish you had stayed with?
The Player: There was an older lady I met in Charleston. She was fine, rich and independent. She was the only one I went out with for a few weeks.
Researcher: Older? Older than you or older than the usual?
The Player: Older than me, she was probably 35.
(surprised) How old are you now?
The Player: 38. How old did you think I was?
Researcher: Except for when you stare off in the distance, early thirties max.
The Player: Stan, lets switch to something darker.
Stan brings us two local Mississippi Mud beers. The afternoon sun cannot not pass through these grogs.
Researcher: Lets talk about some women, you can give me a number or some kind of rating.
Michelle Pfeiffer ------- Hot (with an eye brow raised)
Martha Raddatz ------- Thin, brave, aggressive, you know, I would love to do her on a tank.
Mila Kunis ---------- Whoa, To frail. I might break something.
Jennifer Lopez ----- Thumb up in the air with an "up" motion
Madonna ------------ Thumb Down
Researcher: too old?
The Player: No, I don't know, I just think the entire evening would be about her. A lot of times I can be with self centered women and just enjoy the ride but If I am going to ride an old horse, it is going to be about me not the saddle.
The player was fidgeting again so I knew I had to move on. One more lady then were done.
Kristen Bell-----!
The Player looked at me and tilted his head down and to one side, like Ben Gazzara talking through the top of his head and in a very deep tone, "I would literally kill for that ass."
After another sip on the Mud and period of silence that last well into ten seconds, the Player lets out a long frustrating hiss. I say bluntly, Am I boring you? His response surprised me, So, a reporter huh, (I told him I was a researcher but to him, Ahh) anything new and interesting in the world, I catch only bits and pieces of the news while in the bars. Once I get to a room, there is plenty of action but not much TV watching.
Researcher: Well, I reviewed an article recently about trans-sexuals in bars. These psychologists say men who have had sex change operations are fairly common in bars, especially country type bars. Have you ever been with a transsexual?
The Player: Hell, no!
Researcher: How many women have you been with over the last ten years or so?
The Player: Well, probably two hundred.
The talk of non-women was spinning him up to a lather and he downed his Mississippi Mud. I thought I would push him to see which planet he would land on. The article stated that 3-7 percent of women in bars are actually men either in female clothes or who have had sex change operations. Not that math is everything but that means that six and possibly fourteen of the women you have slept with were actually men.
The player came up off his stool and spilled his fresh beer. "That's bullshit". He was somewhere around Saturn and still climbing.
Researcher: Math may be odd and scary but it don't lie. I learned that on Numb3rs.
The Player: "That is f*up, I would know, I check.
Researcher: You check? How?
The Player: Man, I am outa here, Stan, how much I owe you?
Researcher: I will take care of it.
The Player: Shit!
Jill was on her way through the door when the Player pushed her aside with an "excuse me" and did not even look at her pretty face and fine figure. He was shook to the core and coming in for a landing somewhere near Alpha Centari.
Jill: Who was that?, he smells nice.
Researcher: Oh, that is just someone who needs some air.
The Player: "Stan, I don't smell any women around here!"
Stan the bar tender: "Jill will be in about two. Happy Hour starts at three"
The Player tips his beer and takes a deep breath preparing to be female-less for another twenty minutes. This is my chance to get in some questions.
Researcher: When was the last time you kissed a woman and told her you loved her afterwards?
The Player: (chuckling) Well, that has been a while. A few years probably.
Researcher: Who was the last woman you wish you had stayed with?
The Player: There was an older lady I met in Charleston. She was fine, rich and independent. She was the only one I went out with for a few weeks.
Researcher: Older? Older than you or older than the usual?
The Player: Older than me, she was probably 35.
(surprised) How old are you now?
The Player: 38. How old did you think I was?
Researcher: Except for when you stare off in the distance, early thirties max.
The Player: Stan, lets switch to something darker.
Stan brings us two local Mississippi Mud beers. The afternoon sun cannot not pass through these grogs.
Researcher: Lets talk about some women, you can give me a number or some kind of rating.
Michelle Pfeiffer ------- Hot (with an eye brow raised)
Martha Raddatz ------- Thin, brave, aggressive, you know, I would love to do her on a tank.
Mila Kunis ---------- Whoa, To frail. I might break something.
Jennifer Lopez ----- Thumb up in the air with an "up" motion
Madonna ------------ Thumb Down
Researcher: too old?
The Player: No, I don't know, I just think the entire evening would be about her. A lot of times I can be with self centered women and just enjoy the ride but If I am going to ride an old horse, it is going to be about me not the saddle.
The player was fidgeting again so I knew I had to move on. One more lady then were done.
Kristen Bell-----!
 |
| Ben |
After another sip on the Mud and period of silence that last well into ten seconds, the Player lets out a long frustrating hiss. I say bluntly, Am I boring you? His response surprised me, So, a reporter huh, (I told him I was a researcher but to him, Ahh) anything new and interesting in the world, I catch only bits and pieces of the news while in the bars. Once I get to a room, there is plenty of action but not much TV watching.
Researcher: Well, I reviewed an article recently about trans-sexuals in bars. These psychologists say men who have had sex change operations are fairly common in bars, especially country type bars. Have you ever been with a transsexual?
The Player: Hell, no!
Researcher: How many women have you been with over the last ten years or so?
The Player: Well, probably two hundred.
The talk of non-women was spinning him up to a lather and he downed his Mississippi Mud. I thought I would push him to see which planet he would land on. The article stated that 3-7 percent of women in bars are actually men either in female clothes or who have had sex change operations. Not that math is everything but that means that six and possibly fourteen of the women you have slept with were actually men.
The player came up off his stool and spilled his fresh beer. "That's bullshit". He was somewhere around Saturn and still climbing.
Researcher: Math may be odd and scary but it don't lie. I learned that on Numb3rs.
The Player: "That is f*up, I would know, I check.
Researcher: You check? How?
The Player: Man, I am outa here, Stan, how much I owe you?
Researcher: I will take care of it.
The Player: Shit!
Jill was on her way through the door when the Player pushed her aside with an "excuse me" and did not even look at her pretty face and fine figure. He was shook to the core and coming in for a landing somewhere near Alpha Centari.
Jill: Who was that?, he smells nice.
Researcher: Oh, that is just someone who needs some air.
No comments:
Post a Comment