Monday, February 13, 2012

Dishwasher Part 2

An unorganized dishwasher is as the Bible says "Better to live on the corner of a cold, wet roof than to live with a quarrelsome woman."  Yes, a shambled, random, poorly planned loading of a dishwasher is as a quarrelsome woman.  I cannot go to sleep serenely if I know the dishwasher,( which I rarely use because it is a constant source of aggravation) is improperly loaded.  I have stated before it is not an effective hiding place for dirty dishes for more than an evening.  Pizza in the back of a car smells great compared to three day old dishes in a dishwasher.

Time saving?  Lets do the math.  Rinse off the dishes (which is so so close to washing them why not just finish them) and place them in the dishwasher.  But wait, I have to unload the dishwasher first unless there are only a few clean ones left in there then they just get washed again.  I have a porcelain coffee cup that has been in the dishwasher since the year 2003.  It has very little paint left on it and the porcelain looks like something from the Parthenon.  Unload means putting the dishes and flatware, commonly called silverware but only by commoners, away properly.  Do not get me started about the forks making out with the spoons.   Now that the dishwasher is empty, load the three glasses, four forks and eighteen plates.   I did not know there were eighteen plates that matched in the entire galaxy and where did they come from.  Was there a party and I missed it?  I am in to this loading the dishwasher thing with about twenty minutes now.  I could have washed, dried, put away the dishes and cleaned the kitchen in that amount of time and not had to listen to the beast (or the dishwasher).  I would not have to screw with the soap and his satanic dispenser or the cycle settings.  HOT, COLD, Dry Heat, Wet Heat, Seasonable Heat, Short, Not so Short, and my favorite, Energy Saver.  This tree hugging lie from the pit of hell does not clean anything except the plastic blob stuck to the drain but this cycle only cost you half as much because the lights were off on the dial during the cycles.

I put dishwashers in the same category as a fancy coffee maker.  Coffee is boiled water and some burned, ground up plant.  You do not need a machine to get a good cup of coffee.  You do not need a dishwasher to have clean dishes.  I have seen some new versions lately.  Australian homemakers have some really spiffy options.  They have two small dishwashers in the same space as our American automobile version dishwasher.   These inventive Aussies do not empty the dishes to a cupboard each cycle.  They keep a clean dish side and a dirty dish side.  Cool mate.  I have seen a small top loading dishwasher in the space of a sink.  I washed golf balls in one once but it is just too bad the club did not fit inside.  Those golf balls really looked impressive taking that left turn into the swamp.  Dishwashers are for dishes if you choose to use them.  As Bartleby says "I would prefer not to."

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