Continuing saga of Fingerblister's employment

I received an email congratulating me and extending an offer for employment of the position with which I am currently working but through a temporary employment service.  Little Brother Inc. is trying to make it a full time corporate position.  Now, Little Brother Inc. is most likely not trying to trash can me because all they have to do is tell the temp. agency to give me the Big Bone and I would be gone.  They have not done that. In fact, they really want me to have the position but the dog and pony show must go on.   Following is the response to their offer.  (Keep in mind, I am going to accept it regardless of how they answer my letter)

Miss Clapsaddle,

I have several questions that I need answers or explanations to before accepting this position.  

I previously worked for Little Brother Inc. at the Center for Train Riding Excellence from Feb-1980 until sometime in 1984.  I need this to show as years of active services with Little Brother Inc. and how does that process work.

In the Little Brother Inc. Ethics Policy it states:

I understand Little Brother Inc.'s commitment to conduct its business fairly, impartially, in an ethical and proper manner, and in full compliance with all laws and regulations, and that the highest standards of ethical business conduct are required of Little Brother Inc. employees in the conduct of their company responsibilities. 

Also, I would like some explanation of why you are extending an offer at the low end of the classification pay scale when I have more than twenty years (30 years total) of direct experience in this field, more than half of those years as a Lead or Senior Analyst.  I realize that a person may not get the salary that he wants.

My resume has demonstrated the highest qualifications for this position and an explanation that will demonstrate the highest standards of ethical business conduct (that I am currently held to as a partner and will be held to as a Little Brother Inc. employee) is required.

Thank you,

And so it goes.    

Where to go from here

I am at the end of my rope, this is the end of the line, my back is against the wall, I am up the creek without a paddle.  Increasingly the bats are loose in the belfry, I have just one oar in the water(I could only find one of the paddles), my elevator does not go to the top floor very often, the butter has slipped off the corn and my cabbage has gone over the hedge.

Finding myself on this particular rolling Sine wave of the X and Y axis, I just do not give much Llama spit about anything.  I can lose it all, scrape the bottom, guild the lily, screw the pooch and receive a smacking from a mackerel. I will rise to the next occasion, climb out of the grave, be among the counted, again, get up off the canvas and most likely produce the same old sins in the newest ways all over again and I just do not care one iota.

Just for a reference, I looked up Iota and I still do not know what it means.  I am not sure I am using the word correctly or even if the word I wanted was a real word anyway.  Big Flippin Woop.  I Could care less, be concerned in the least, cast dust in the wind, throw mama from the train, get DeVeto confused with DeNiro or pee in the wind for that matter.  Slap me silly, kick my ass, rattle my chain, toot my whistle and I may come close to being back among the living.  Maybe not.

Where do I go from here, which way is up, a dirt nap, a last dance, a final ring around the Rosy, who cares.  I do not.

A unflattering description of congress personage

Most elected officials start out as this seemingly honorable bastion of hope only to soon regress into a teen aged mutant whore mongering Fascist.
They are:

Lost, Flatulent, Loony, Criminal, Delusional
Licentious, Dishonorable, Stupid
Moronic, Corrupt, Ambiguous, Wanting, Lustful

In some other words

morally reprehenisble -  definition is from the root prehensile meening to grasp.  Like an intern's breast or butt.

and utterly infantile  -  utterly meaning from the word Udder or boobie, litterally  baby like boobies, Useless as tits on a boar hog.


Everyone, regardless of political gender and regardless of moral character, analyze your trusted elected officials and tell me I am wrong.  Most if not all of our representatives should be in jail and beaten regularly.  We could then let them out and say, "Do not make me beat you again or you will regret it".

Friday Science: research

This is my opinion!  Science is about facts and it is about discovery.

Well the fact is I have nothing coherent or even vaguely interesting to say about science today and the discovery is that I am not prepared.  I started a few articles about science but I lucked out last week with the nuclear disaster.  I usually write four or five articles on the week's end and write about one or two during the week.  With editing and deletions I can put out five reasonable posts a week.  I am not sure what happened these last seven days.  I do not remember doing much else that would keep me from my goals.  Unless it is my pet named Slothfulness or maybe it all these friendly flowers around the house always looking at my private parts. 

Job Interview

Recently I went to a job interview for an advancement with my company.  The state of hiring a person has mashed into some odd kind of dog and pony dance complete with organ grinder and Mr. Stinky Monkey. 

I will give you some of the questions and answers and what I wanted to say.   I can not even remember most of it.  First, I feel like I am drunk when I do job interviews, police questionings or even dangerous things like "Do you like the white heels or the brown flats with the flowery dress?"  As the interview was starting I kept thinking, concentrate, listen to the question and answer it.  I then realized he is asking the question already and I missed the first part.    I was thinking about how dumb this process is and how I am never going to answer this question effectively, not to mention correctly.  I am completely qualified for this position.  I doubt if there is another person in the continental US that is better qualified and prepared for this position.  Really.

The interviewers are part of a three man tag team keeping notes and looking for weaknesses.
Interviewer 1:  (with the extremely large forehead)  In you experiences with customer support, give an example of  an issue that arose, how you resolved it and what YOU did to insure they would never happen again.

What I was thinking and almost said:  Once, while at Band Camp....., stay on track buddy!  Well there was this moron with a PhD from Dickhead University who thought I did not know what I was doing so I said, "If you think you are going to get your supplies early now, you are at least a pi times the square root of zilch more likely to wake up with a blowup doll than to get any support from me. You said you wanted in on the the third of June and on that sleepy dusty delta day you will have it, and not before."

My Answered:   Hmmm, let me think about this a minute,  (complete silence for fifteen to twenty seconds.  I notice another interviewer smiling and looking at my "crouch" area)  OK, An investigator expressed concern that his requirements and science were not being properly addressed.  I brought his concerns up to my superiors along with all the documentation I had on the experiment.  With my coworkers help, I assured the Professor that his science was our top priority and there was already a status meeting planned to address his and other investigators concerns.  From that issue we created an entirely new way of handling requirements that is still in use today.

I felt pretty good about that answer.  Ok, I got the job.  Then the moderator with the smile said, Is there a followup question to the answer. 

Interviewer 2:  (With the Slim Whitman mustache)  How does this illustrate you ability to circumvent standard procedures and utilize the existing Tiger Team Directive?

What I was thinking:  Blow Me, I have no real idea of what the Tiger Team Directive is but I watched Marlin Perkins and Jim Fowler milk a Hippo once. 

My Answer:  We did not have a TTD process at that time.  We did not even have email or FEDEX.  We just got the job done asking for help and throwing around the N word.  NASA. 


Actually, I think that was my answer for all the questions.  NASA  I could not get that forehead out of my mind.  I was not breathing correctly and my kneecaps were cold.  I am sure my blood pressure dropped to 13/1mg Hg. I either aced it or I am fired from my current job for scaring the interviewers.  It is like when I would get called to the principle's office when I was a kid.  I was either suspended from school or picked to help the principle's ninety seven year old grandmother walk up to the stage to give out a humanitarian award to a one legged indian from Topeka for building a Tepee out of matchsticks.  How did I know the matches were real and that they were strike anywhere matches.  Besides, the podium never should have been built of wood and wrapped in paper in the first place.

I cannot imagine that I tanked the interview completely and I will most likely get the promoted position.  The Organ grinder keeps playing and Mr. Stinky Monkey keeps time with a spoon.  Government work is good if you can get it.