Cutlery

Did the fork evolve from a stick?  Did a spoon evolve from a sea shell?  Is generic silverware the same as a utensil?   And what of the lonely knife?  It really has not evolved much.
  There are many types of knives.  And what of that spelling.  Knife was once derived from the Vikings word knif.  Boy, that explains a lot.  There is a french term, canif which makes me assume that in old English and Norse they sounded the "kn".  I mean, why would they write it if it was not so. 

Stuffed Goat Stomach-Haggis

Fork from old English comes from Latin furca, to divide in branches.  I think a forked stick could skewer haggis much surer and later some genius tried three, ten and then twenty five tines and came up with the rake but that was not used very often at the dinner table.   There is nothing like a fork to stick a sheep's stomach full of hearts and stuff.   It is called haggis and derived from the sound one makes after eating while running to the toilet, "Oh, haaaaggggus."

The spoons is from the word spon which means splinter or chip of wood.  Spoon fed is an old term for feeding helpless people or children with a thin  piece of wood to help them.  An indentation was morphed later.  Now we have sporks with serrations on the edge for cutting away gristle.  Reminds me of many a tongue I have seen and heard.

Much of the world still does not use utensils to eat.  Hands work great.  Chop sticks help with the spearing but not with soup.  Chop sticks with a hole in the middle like a straw would be most cool for soup.  Chopsticks sort of translates into "quick little bamboo fellas".  Although it is probably a reverse  translation from a derogatory "Chop Chop" used to mean "quickly" Drinking form a bowl is customary in many places.   Why not have chopsticks with a hole in it like a straw.  No more spoon soup mess. 
I have some silverware, stuff made of silver and some silver plated spoons and such.  I guess I have cutlery, go figure.

Colors

I have been thinking about color quite a bit lately.  I look at the sunsets and see pinks, reds, blue, gray and yellow.  I saw green clouds the other day.  The world order seemed content.  Then I remembered that if you mix all the colors on picture, the color you get is close to black.  If you mix red light, blue light and yellow light and shine them overlapping on the wall, you will see a white light. I cannot deal with that effectively.  It is like fiction and non fiction.  Observe the irony of this next interlude.

Officer Hernandez:  "That boy's story was a complete fiction!  I do not believe a word he says."
Sargent Wilson:  "I know, when will he ever start telling non-fiction?"
or
Officer Hernandez:  "That boy's story was a complete lie.  I do not believe a word he says."
Sargent Wilson:  "I know, when will he ever start telling non-lies?"  Non lies?  There is word for that, truth!  When will he start telling the truth.

Who talks like that!  It is negative logic.  color is like that.  Mix all the colors in a crayon box and you get black but if you mix then as light you get white.  If you mix yellow with red, you get orange.  Blue with yellow you get green, Blue with red you get purple.  If you mix blue with red and a little yellow, you get my favorite Crayola color, periwinkle first introduced in the twenty four pack of crayola crayons in the Nineteen sixties.   I learned a great deal about multiplication from crayola boxes.  The number of crayons and additional colors were increased in multiples of eight.  I found those metrics helpful in looking at numbers.  It was sort of a spacial application of sets of numbers and of course, colors.  Math has negative logic.  How about dividing fractions, "just invert and multiply".  I am not sure but standing on my head and multiplying is not going to help.
Many of the Barbizon and Hudson River painters did not use black paint in their pictures.  In nature, there are very few examples of black color.  Coal and charcoal are black.  Human hair can be black although to paint it would not require black paint.  There are no black plants.  The black skin of even the most black Nigerian is not black.  The skin shade is almost blue.  A crow or a grackle is not black, not even a black bird. 

I remember, out west, in the mountains about Cedar City, the sky was so blue it hurt my eyes.  The thin air and low humidity enabled the blue to be dark yet bright.   Similar to the blue waters of the Caribbean.  In Florida, the greens are so rich you can smell them.  There are five hundred shades of green in Florida.  The Grand Canyon has six thousand colors all changing with the angle of the sun.  There is so much color in the canyon you have to cry in order to breath again.  The yellows of a sunset in the Appalachians are sinfully vibrant and cannot be painted accurately.  Many have tried. 

The colors of my dreams outdo any in my life.  They are hauntingly pure.  Yes, colors.

Dish washer

The majority of houses have a dishwasher.  It is generally accepted knowledge these things are for washing dishes.  Most would not try to catch a razorback with a fishing pole or try to open a beer bottle with a Howitzer anti aircraft gun.  Most!   I have a fancy laboratory dishwasher at work and for a mere $12,000 this stainless steel juggernaut will clean the chrome off of a bumper hitch but the point is you do not put a bumper hitch in a dishwasher. 
The older I get the more particular I become about the loading of a dishwasher.  First lets get one thing straight.  Doing the dishes is not simply loading the dishwasher any more than doing laundry is mostly throwing a bunch of cloths in  the washing machine a pressing start.  Doing dishes involves cleaning the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher with hopefully dirty dishes in an orderly fashion to maximize the cleaning efficiencies.  Engineers have spent decades designing and fidgeting with water jets as well as the soap to ensure we have clean forks and spoons.  What good is a spoon that ends up in the back of the dishwasher, stuck on the drain.  Only really short people can reach all the way back past the pointy things sticking you in the chest to retrieve a fork that somehow jumped out of the silverware tray. 
Lets talk about things that should not go in the dishwasher.  Anything made of plastic except the giant plastic ladle with the flat burned edges from scooping spaghetti sauce out of a frying pan.  Most cheap plastic cups, bowls, and flatware will fly like confetti inside a dishwasher and the bowls and cups fall only to collect soapy water that spills all over the floor when you open the door.   There is a undefinable hunk of plastic stuck in the back of my dishwasher.  This multicolored blob has melted itself in a donut configuration around the center sprayer that is supposed to transport water to the top shelves. 

 Do not put anything made of wood in a dishwasher.  Most wood products are not really wood and it will disintegrate under the heat and moisture.  A wooden spoon is usually several pieces of wood glued together.  A cutting board will become Jenga blocks if you put it in the dishwasher more than once.   A wooden bowl will be fine beaver food after two washings in the Whirlpool Potscrubber II.  I used a freshly autoclaved wooden spoon to scoop clabber off the bottom of a Greek yogurt container.  The dry, open pores of the fine wooden spoon sucked up the fromaticum like a New Guinea bower bird on crack only to become embedded nearly permanently in the crervasses.  After two more washing in the dishwasher, some bleach and a little heat, the spoon was clean.  It was sawdust but it was clean.  I have seen rags, flipflops, car parts, children's stuffed animals and once a cat in the dishwasher.  Rumor has it you can cook tuna or any north Atlantic whitefish in a dishwasher.

As I mentioned earlier with the Potscrubber II, you can put pots and pans in the dishwasher.  Just because something fits in the dishwasher does not mean you should put it there.  My ass once fit in the dishwasher but I never washed it in there.  An average frying pan takes up a third of the space and if you put it on the bottom rack of the dishwasher, it blocks most of the water for the entire load.  Your dishes will not get clean and there will be indistinguishable bits all over you dishes.  I thought the goal of this noisy, heat mongering torture chamber was to clean you dishes.   (and now some really short sentences) So? Yeh! Hmmm.

Deodorant

No such thing.  I stink.  I put on the deodorant thick this morning.  With all the waxy gunk, my under arm areas are stuck to my chest.   Now I have to go wash up in the restroom.  I have meetings that I am now not attending unless they are outside and I can get down wind.
I read up about the stuff and it is supposed to keep "odor producing" bacteria from growing.  That is advertising genius.  It is a factual possibility but in really it is panda poo. 

It is only Eleven AM.  I must go.

Humorless

I watched Comedy.TV yesterday and laughed very little.  I felt the humor was either weak or tasteless, sort of like my humor.  I do not remember laughing yesterday, even when the cat had to get out of the kitchen quickly.  I thought about laughing when my son was decked out in his Indiana Jones getup and he was practicing sliding under the garage door as it closed on him.  He would throw the hat to keep the door open, do the slide, grab the hat and roll out of the way just before the giant slab crushes him.  

I was wearing my Oh Crap t-shirt and there were no comments or  stares from those who passed by.  I could feel the humor running out of the universe with a big hug sucking sound.   It was a slow sucking sound because I think a large celestial cat was stuck on the drain grid of the universe.  I felt only pity for the Walmartians and the Dollar Store devas.  I even watched three episodes of "The Big Bang Theory" only to agree entirely with Sheldon on all issues.  Well, I did chuckle when he was visited by his mother (Laurie Metcalf) as she cuts through his nonsense.

I tried doing some chalk drawing and thinking of Dick Van Dike doing chalk pavement pictures. ( "Mary Poppins" )   Jumping into drawings of another dimension always perks me up.  Humor is gone far away, not just around the corner for a smoke.  It usually hovers dimensionless overhead where I can pick gems as fruit from an endless row of pear trees.  I tried sanding wood, returning to the earth, smelling the evolution of a decades old oak, only to increase my carbon footprint threefold by burning the whole mess in my wood burning stove to provide meaningless heat to and unthankful landscape.  (By the way, the Senator, the 3,500 year old bald Cypress burned down over the week end)  I remember fondly the Senator at Big Tree Park's Joint in the Woods where I went to see the Winters Brothers Band (billed as jonny and edgar)  only to watch a sold out crowd of a thousand drunken dudes and dudettes throwing pine cones at Leroy and Daryl Winters singing Helen Reddy's biggest hits.  I laughed then but not now.