Tale of two shoes

I read a story about the island of left shoes.  It seems that left shoes drift everso slightly different than right shoes and the left ones tend to end up on one side of the ocean and the right shoes end up in Peru.  No I am not talking about the land of Misfit Toys I am talking about shoes of the left foot that somehow make it into the ocean.  Some wide eyed graduate student noticed that  most of the shoes on Roatan were from the left foot. 

I have a pair of shoes that may make that journey soon.  They squeak with every step.  The squishy squeak is from somewhere deep withing the workings of the sole.  I first thought it was my foot movement causing the noise because my last pair, the right shoe developed the same condition.  This is a new set of shoes and again it is the right foot shoe that alerts all the world I am coming.  I think I can deal with it.  "Ich packe das nicht".  I cannot deal with it.   I am not going to deal with it.  I am becoming quite self conscious about sounding an alarm every time I want to walk the halls.  I tried taking a knife to the sole and releasing some of the tension and to change the vibration pattern.  I do not have to tell you that "all sound is vibration of some sort".  There is no quieting of the shoe.

I found a pair of shoes in my closet. Sperry Top-Sider Tremont Kiltie Tassel to be exact.  Problem is, I do not know exactly where they came from or how long they have been in my closet.  Being one of the largest cheapskates on the planet, I know I did not buy them.  They were completely covered with some green leather mold.  The type that forms on the hamburger your kids stuffed between the seats of your Volvo.  These shoes fit perfectly and after two days, I am beginning to like them.  No squeaking is a plus.  I looked up what a Tremont Kiltie was other than a shoe, Nada, Zip, Zero, Hooey.