Pile of Bones

I know I am being selfish, and for me that feels like I am taking the wrong position, making a mistake, it seems like the wrong choice.  If I die a slow death today I will have a heap of regrets, only a few of them will be related to “not doing for my children”.  I am in a protracted unsatisfied time and I am not sure what to do about it.  I am sure that continuing to do what I have done for fifty five years is not the solution.  I was clueless the first thirty five years and I have no excuse for the last seven thousand three hundred and ten days.

I am throwing a tantrum and that fact by itself leads me to believe, again that  I am making a mistake but as with a tantrum, I just do not care and I am not going to change my mind.  I cannot give any more concrete reasons for my feelings or my choices and the only other good thing about a tantrum besides the feeling of “I just threw up something that did not suite me” is that logic and decorum are not required. 

 

I am making a choice and there are many or even most that will not like it.  I too will have to live with it as they will.  It may end up as a bone on my pile of regrets but I doubt it will keep me out of heaven.