The Profiler

Everyone profiles.  The advertisers do it.  The police do it.  The government does it.  I do it.  I assume you do it.  According to the TV, profiling is done to catch criminals by the FBI.  White, black, Asian or Latin, we all  make an assumption of a person's intent or lifestyle based on cues.  Some cues are more accurate than others.  One of the cues I use to profile people is if they are riding a bicycle.

Every time I see someone on a bicycle, I automatically decide what kind of person they are.  I decide whether they are dangerous, hard working, religious or just plain nuts.   I have found the bicycle to be quite enlightening.

For instance, if I see young white adult male on a bicycle, I assume he is a crack or meth head.  I know he does not have a job and he no longer lives with his mother.  If he did he would be driving her car.  If the person on the bike is a young black male, he stole it.  He does live with his mom but she will not let him use the car for his mischief.  (under the penalty of a good beating)

Profiling chart of people on a bicycle

Ethnicity	Young	Middle age	Old
White male White female	Crack head, meth head Kicked out.  Living with middle aged man.  They share a bicycle.	Has young girl friend. Drunkard, going to Walmart for beer.	Drunkard, homeless. Bat shit crazy.
Black male Black Female	Stole it. Dental hygienist heading for child care.	Still trying to be white. Looking for her cheating man, armed with a cell phone and  photos.	Lives in trailer near bus station.  Late for church, armed with revolver and a Bible.
Asian male Asian Female	Going to work. Going to work.	Going to store for pork Going to store for rice.	Looking for his wife  I have never seen an old Asian lady on a bike!
Latin Male Latin Female	Gang member.  Looking for work Nurses Assistant looking for boyfriend in gang.	Going to construction job. Going to house maid job.	Nuts, carrying a machete Once again, this does not happen.

 
Profiles not included in the chart.

If you see two young males biking together, there is a better change than none they are sweet on each other.  If you see a biker, male or female, any age wearing a speedo, double knit kind of thing that glamorizing the private parts, all bets are off for what they are up to.  Speedos confuse me.   If the bike spokes have a playing card held in place with a cloths pin, they are filming a Leave it to Beaver episode on the Hallmark channel.  If you see someone walking along side a bike, stop and help them.  They are obviously having a bad time of it and could use some kindness, water or a lift. 

I am not proud of my profiling tendencies.  I fight it every day but it does makes me laugh sometimes.  Be aware, and the chart supports my suspicions on this, "old people on bicycles are a dangerous situation."  Quietly move in the opposite direction until out of the danger zone.  Middle aged people on bicycles can be quite a hoot and young people are just trying to get through the day.

I am shocked when I catch myself judging someone in a bad way.  I do not do it as much as I used to.  I am not there yet but I am better than I was.