If I had more income

I was wondering how I would appear different if I just had a slightly higher income. Not twice as much income, no! that would signal changes. Would change be noticeable if I made two hundred dollars more a month, a week?   I think the threshold would be a thousand more a month for everyone to see the difference in me.   Below that threshold of opulence,  I would be different in two quick ways. I would wear a higher quality underpants and I would eat more and better quality cheeses.

Fine quality cheeses and more comfortable accommodations for Starsky and Hutch would fasten a smile upon my face.  It makes me shake all over with anticipation.  The fromage would invigorate my senses to the point where Pavlov would come out of his grave and following me around with a bucket.   Not a fine vision I know but an important analogy.  The Boys would languish in true comfort while I felt snug as a bug in a rug.  A comfortable man can soothe the most savage of hearts.  A satiated man will most likely not wander into trouble.  Remember also that all that cheese  binds one up and would cause me to walk more upright.  (always a good thing) 

Once I  had a single pair of high quality underwear and at first I noticed the cotton was softer, thicker, more like a blanket.  The elastic seemed not to be there yet the velvety snugness was making its appointed rounds.  The trap doors were larger and easier to  identify.  They must have had some kind of anti-bunch technology.  Anyway, I could only steal one pair from the locker room and I had to wash them three time in lots of bleach before I could touch them.  Because of the bleach, the elastic gave out in a day or two and holes appeared in the worst places and very soon they were rags.  It was a brief encounter with fine briefs. 

Over the same but other years I have been exposed to some of the great cheeses of the world.  Having watched the Cheese Shop many times, I have always like cheese.  That may be part of why I am a microbiologist.  Probably not but what a nice thought to have a reason for this fine misery.  I have eaten cheese in London, Paris, Amsterdam, Dubai, Tokyo, Cleveland, and even Death Valley,   In Atlanta, I ate cheese in an underground rail station.  I have had goat cheese, Icelandic fish cheese, and cheese kept in a hole in the ground.  I ate very salty Honduran pig cheese.  It is not all good but I try to never judge.  I just cannot get enough cheese and more disposable income would help.

With more income, I would not be more charitable, unfortunately I am stone cold cheap.  I would not be nicer because I have been there and it is always misunderstood.  I would not be more trusting. less probably.  I would not be more colorful, I do not know what that means.  With more income I would walk like I had something stuck up my rear (cheese) and a smile on my face because of comfort underneath.

Re-deployment

Currently, I am on the short end of a 60 day notice of what Boeing calls a "re-deployment".  That is a smooth way of saying I am being removed from the list of Boeing employees.  There is a new contract that will attempt to run the operations at the Kennedy Space Center. One thing I am sure of is that the new company (who did not even know that there were life sciences labs at the Space Center) does not think they need me.  It is my job and other’s who have employment, NASA types, etc. to inform them of who they need and do not need.

I will either not get a job or will get a fantastic job.  I have never had much luck with that middle of the road stuff.  When I was a kid and I had to go to the dr. to obtain a physical for school, they would either say that I was the best physical human entity they had ever seen and start calling medical journals to report on this fine specimen or I needed to go check in to the hospital instantly and have a rectal exam because “most people do not sit that way” or some such nonsense.  "Yes, young man, your rectum is just fine. The nurse cannot find her wedding ring so you will have to wait a minute or five until we clear this up!  Are you allergic to cheap jewelry?"

I refuse to worry about employment any more.   I have had two layoffs in the last seven years.  I will move if I get re-deployed this time.  I will sell the farm for real and move to Georgia the state or Ecuador the country.  I think it is time I did nothing and got paid for it.  I could be a fine city commissioner or a director of water management.  I would be good at a biodiversity council but not at a council for diversity in the workforce.  I think we need more people working as a cohesive group and getting along and less individuality recognition. 

Boeing has positions all over the country that I most likely could move to obtain.  I am not sure of that option though.  I will get some retirement pay and a 401K transfer and some severance pay.  So be it.  As a 55 year old man with low testosterone and according to Joe Theisman and the NFL I have a prostate problem, there is not much employment out there so I will aspire to retire somehow.  I just got some chickens.  I need to re-deploy that twelve year old that is making noises in the kitchen before he eats the Willys Wanka paint off the kitchen walls.  “The snozberries taste like snozberries”   

Baseball

There are several large aggravations with watching baseball on TV. There are advantages like instant replay and all the various camera angles. From the disadvantage side we will have to exclude the announcers because they are add on annoyances to the game of baseball itself. The most aggravating parts of watching baseball with the exclusions of course is watching a pitcher who can not throw strikes and watching a batter not swing even if he did see a strike. In little league, if a pitcher walks everybody it is boring and after a few walks the coach gets out the hook because the batters are not swinging either. The fans are watching a bad game of "playing catch".
In professional baseball, when pitchers walk people then probably fitee percent of the time as a result of those base on balls, a run will score. So, listen up all you high priced pitchers, throw freakin strikes. That's all. "Rock and Throw" as my dad would say. Do not walk them. Ever. Hit them before you walk them. Do not get cute with the curve ball, just throw the damn ball. Playing a little chin music is better than a one hundred mile per hour fast ball missing the corner of the plate. As a catcher behind the plate I could tell the minute the pitch was release whether it was a ball or a strike. I would yell out "throw strikes" to the pitcher. I loved to say"This guy is a dill weed and he can not hit anyway so throw a freekin strike, will ya?". Sometimes the pitcher needed a tongue lashing so I would uncrouch and walk to the mound and say, "Hey, throw a freaking strike Dude". If the wildness continued I would get the coach's attention and tell him to find someone else to pitch, this guy bites the big one.

My favorite pitcher these days is probably Tim Lincecum of the Giants or James Shields of the Tampa Rays . They rock and throw. They wind up, look you directly in the eye and with malice and forethought propel the ball and throw strikes. Even the statistics guys will tell you if a pitcher throws strikes he will usually be more successful than the nibblers. The ball is coming, it will be a strike or close to it and so try to hit it. If the ball is hit, it may be fielded or caught, it may be ineligible yet there is a good chance that a hit will not result. If a pitcher walks a guy there is no chance to get him out unless he downs some PEDs (performance enhancing drugs) on his way to the base or slugs the first baseman upon arrival.


For the batters my advice is "swing the bat". Just like a broken watch is correct twice a day, if you swing, you may hit something. Recently in the playoffs, I saw a pinch hitter, (Pinch hitters are often used to replace a starting player when the pinch hitter is thought to have a better chance of reaching base or helping other runners to score)  go up to the plate,first dig in with the front foot and then when he was ready drag in the back foot and balance his stance, stand in the batter's box attentively and watch five pitches swoosh by without moving a muscle. The pitcher threw a strike, a curve for a ball, a strike, another ball and then the third strike. The guy walked back to the dugout, down the steps, into the club house and probably kept going until he was out of the stadium, off the team and back to his momma's house because he will never get another "at bat" in a baseball game. The bat never left his shoulder and he did not even attempt a swing. In a playoff situation, I would have thrown the bat at the ball, jumped in front of the curve ball and swung three time at each pitch for hell's sake. They would have had to use a stun gun to get me off the field.

My favorite batter to watch is Vladimir Guererro. He is floundering around in the minor leagues somewhere trying to get back to the Major Leagues. Not only does he have a great name  and a sweet swing, it has been said of Vlad, " If it is round and has threads on it, Vlad will swing at it." I saw a video clip of him hitting a ball that bounced in front of the plate on the way in. I saw him hit a home run off of a pitch that was higher than his head. He swung twice at the pitches during an intentional walk. He came to hit and he was going to do his utmost best to hit that damn ball. How could anyone do less and expect to get paid. When I played baseball, I decided before the pitcher even threw the ball that I was going to swing and I usually did. There are some batters that just swing as hard as they can and whenever they hit the ball, it went a mile. The Boob, Boog Powell was like that. Lord have mercy on that ball because that big old farm boy was going to smash the stuffing out of it.
Lets make the game of baseball more enjoyable for me at least and if you are a pitcher and not going to throw strikes, become a first baseman. If you are a batter and not going to swing, stay in the dugout with the commentators and save us all some aggravation.

JOBS

Jobs I have been paid for

Milk Delivery Guy                                         Cow Hide Loader

Junk Man helper                                             Computer Center boy

Gas Station Attendant                                     Dry Ice Blaster

House Painter                                                  Warehouse Boy

Fire Wood packager                                        Short Order Cook

Construction -- Dry wall hanger/finisher

Hay Boy                                                            Paper Boy

Roof Patcher                                                     Dairy Worker

Swamp Restoration Specialist

Dancer's driver's assistant                                 Buyer

Documents Expert                                             Logistician

Dissection Specialist-- Rodent                           Bicycle repair man

Surfboard maker                                               Truck Driver

Amusement Park specialist -- two different parks actually

T Shirt Designer and Salesperson

Jobs I wish I had and Why

Golfer - best Babes
Judge - always wanted to say "Hang Um"
Foot Surgeon - Podephile
Prospector - partial to donkeys and no bathing
Translator - I am listening
X ray technician - The things I can see

Best possible Job

Highway Grass Mowing Dude

Working Together

I have never really talked about cooperative efforts like working together.  "All must work together for the common good".  "Everyone needs to get along" is different.  Working together or cooperatively is an overrated,big giant pile of camel dung.  Everything does work together for an uncommon outcome.  Who are we to judge any pre actions from a resultant outcome.  Maybe the final event is not about you.  Maybe your part was ten minutes before the end of the world.  Is it possible that ten years from now there will be peace in the valley?

One single person's opinion can scuttle a cruise ship on to the reef so ten people working together can sink that tub in an hour.  Cooperation can and usual does lead to crowd mentality.  Working together usually means that one person is sweating, smashing fingers and twisting that wrench and at least three others are commenting, watching and judging the final connection. 
I am not talking about authoritarianism or bullies or fascists.  If everyone is doing the "correct" thing as dictated by the rules and the conventions of normality, each individual can do whatever the hell he/she wants.  If Charlie wants to have sex with a pit bull and he survives then he can still be part of the club as long and he can do his job.  His behavior would not be appropriate for sure if he was a veterinarian or a FedEx delivery guy.  He just would not get anything done.  I am not just talking about individualism as a tenant of a healthy society.  I am saying "Mostly, at work, I want to be told what to do and everywhere else please ask me what to do and then leave me the freak alone".  I know what to do and how to do it.  I have learned how to ask for help at the appropriate time and to report any delays.  Some would say this is working together or cooperating.  I laugh and say, "Shut your mouth and that sucking sound with stop." Does that sound like a cooperative effort?  I did not think so either.

I have worked alone or more accurately independently for most of my life.  My older brother was "sensitive" and a thinker while my little brother was just little.  My sisters did not like me much so most projects I did on my own.  Dad would say, "Ok, we have to clean the house.  Girls, get the mops, Boys, you wash the windows and Matt (he used my name to distinguish me from boys I guess), you go cut the grass with a pair of scissors and watch out for the neighbor's pit bull, it seems a little testy since the vet visit."  At work the boss would say, one of the vice president of keeping you employed wants a tour, Bruce, you and Marc show him the Exploration Station, Liz, you and Nancy show him the labs, Matt you stay in your office with the door close so he does not ask you any questions.  If you have nothing to do, go home early!"   I am very used to working independently.

In most countries, people of differences work independently and accomplish great communal goals without anyone telling them to do so.  I wish  I had a bagel for ever time I have attended a "diversity workshop" celebrating Native American Indian diversity.  I get to the conference and everyone but me has red skin and black hair. I attended an IRA/Chechnya/Arabian Cooperative mixer.  Not only was I the only blond haired guy in there, I was the only one that did not bring a serious explosive device.  In spite of that, the dancing and the finger food was terrific.  I used to work with a guy that I was not allowed to talk to.  I would just leave him messages on a 3 inch by 5 inch card and he would do it.  I actually slipped them under the door some times.  Funny thing about him, he ran the beer booth at the Catholic Fair every year.  I gave him a 3X5 card that said, "three beers please".  He gave me free beer for the next several years.   I think he is dead now  He was not very cooperative and worked in solitude.  He taught me a bunch of stuff.  He had a great saying about history and things that happened in the past.  "So What? You can still do what you want".  People would say, "Joe, you can not do it that way.  Safety will not approve it."  He would say, "So what, I am doing it."  He would do it and sometimes but not very often, those  "no people" would come and dismantle or turn off his contraptions.  He would change the locks on his office door and put up his "fumigation in progress" sign.  I would just slip my card requests under his door.  I tear up when I think of him.

If we want to be a great people, we must be as individual as we can non violently be individual.