Baseball

There are several large aggravations with watching baseball on TV. There are advantages like instant replay and all the various camera angles. From the disadvantage side we will have to exclude the announcers because they are add on annoyances to the game of baseball itself. The most aggravating parts of watching baseball with the exclusions of course is watching a pitcher who can not throw strikes and watching a batter not swing even if he did see a strike. In little league, if a pitcher walks everybody it is boring and after a few walks the coach gets out the hook because the batters are not swinging either. The fans are watching a bad game of "playing catch".
In professional baseball, when pitchers walk people then probably fitee percent of the time as a result of those base on balls, a run will score. So, listen up all you high priced pitchers, throw freakin strikes. That's all. "Rock and Throw" as my dad would say. Do not walk them. Ever. Hit them before you walk them. Do not get cute with the curve ball, just throw the damn ball. Playing a little chin music is better than a one hundred mile per hour fast ball missing the corner of the plate. As a catcher behind the plate I could tell the minute the pitch was release whether it was a ball or a strike. I would yell out "throw strikes" to the pitcher. I loved to say"This guy is a dill weed and he can not hit anyway so throw a freekin strike, will ya?". Sometimes the pitcher needed a tongue lashing so I would uncrouch and walk to the mound and say, "Hey, throw a freaking strike Dude". If the wildness continued I would get the coach's attention and tell him to find someone else to pitch, this guy bites the big one.

My favorite pitcher these days is probably Tim Lincecum of the Giants or James Shields of the Tampa Rays . They rock and throw. They wind up, look you directly in the eye and with malice and forethought propel the ball and throw strikes. Even the statistics guys will tell you if a pitcher throws strikes he will usually be more successful than the nibblers. The ball is coming, it will be a strike or close to it and so try to hit it. If the ball is hit, it may be fielded or caught, it may be ineligible yet there is a good chance that a hit will not result. If a pitcher walks a guy there is no chance to get him out unless he downs some PEDs (performance enhancing drugs) on his way to the base or slugs the first baseman upon arrival.


For the batters my advice is "swing the bat". Just like a broken watch is correct twice a day, if you swing, you may hit something. Recently in the playoffs, I saw a pinch hitter, (Pinch hitters are often used to replace a starting player when the pinch hitter is thought to have a better chance of reaching base or helping other runners to score)  go up to the plate,first dig in with the front foot and then when he was ready drag in the back foot and balance his stance, stand in the batter's box attentively and watch five pitches swoosh by without moving a muscle. The pitcher threw a strike, a curve for a ball, a strike, another ball and then the third strike. The guy walked back to the dugout, down the steps, into the club house and probably kept going until he was out of the stadium, off the team and back to his momma's house because he will never get another "at bat" in a baseball game. The bat never left his shoulder and he did not even attempt a swing. In a playoff situation, I would have thrown the bat at the ball, jumped in front of the curve ball and swung three time at each pitch for hell's sake. They would have had to use a stun gun to get me off the field.

My favorite batter to watch is Vladimir Guererro. He is floundering around in the minor leagues somewhere trying to get back to the Major Leagues. Not only does he have a great name  and a sweet swing, it has been said of Vlad, " If it is round and has threads on it, Vlad will swing at it." I saw a video clip of him hitting a ball that bounced in front of the plate on the way in. I saw him hit a home run off of a pitch that was higher than his head. He swung twice at the pitches during an intentional walk. He came to hit and he was going to do his utmost best to hit that damn ball. How could anyone do less and expect to get paid. When I played baseball, I decided before the pitcher even threw the ball that I was going to swing and I usually did. There are some batters that just swing as hard as they can and whenever they hit the ball, it went a mile. The Boob, Boog Powell was like that. Lord have mercy on that ball because that big old farm boy was going to smash the stuffing out of it.
Lets make the game of baseball more enjoyable for me at least and if you are a pitcher and not going to throw strikes, become a first baseman. If you are a batter and not going to swing, stay in the dugout with the commentators and save us all some aggravation.

JOBS

Jobs I have been paid for

Milk Delivery Guy                                         Cow Hide Loader

Junk Man helper                                             Computer Center boy

Gas Station Attendant                                     Dry Ice Blaster

House Painter                                                  Warehouse Boy

Fire Wood packager                                        Short Order Cook

Construction -- Dry wall hanger/finisher

Hay Boy                                                            Paper Boy

Roof Patcher                                                     Dairy Worker

Swamp Restoration Specialist

Dancer's driver's assistant                                 Buyer

Documents Expert                                             Logistician

Dissection Specialist-- Rodent                           Bicycle repair man

Surfboard maker                                               Truck Driver

Amusement Park specialist -- two different parks actually

T Shirt Designer and Salesperson

Jobs I wish I had and Why

Golfer - best Babes
Judge - always wanted to say "Hang Um"
Foot Surgeon - Podephile
Prospector - partial to donkeys and no bathing
Translator - I am listening
X ray technician - The things I can see

Best possible Job

Highway Grass Mowing Dude

Working Together

I have never really talked about cooperative efforts like working together.  "All must work together for the common good".  "Everyone needs to get along" is different.  Working together or cooperatively is an overrated,big giant pile of camel dung.  Everything does work together for an uncommon outcome.  Who are we to judge any pre actions from a resultant outcome.  Maybe the final event is not about you.  Maybe your part was ten minutes before the end of the world.  Is it possible that ten years from now there will be peace in the valley?

One single person's opinion can scuttle a cruise ship on to the reef so ten people working together can sink that tub in an hour.  Cooperation can and usual does lead to crowd mentality.  Working together usually means that one person is sweating, smashing fingers and twisting that wrench and at least three others are commenting, watching and judging the final connection. 
I am not talking about authoritarianism or bullies or fascists.  If everyone is doing the "correct" thing as dictated by the rules and the conventions of normality, each individual can do whatever the hell he/she wants.  If Charlie wants to have sex with a pit bull and he survives then he can still be part of the club as long and he can do his job.  His behavior would not be appropriate for sure if he was a veterinarian or a FedEx delivery guy.  He just would not get anything done.  I am not just talking about individualism as a tenant of a healthy society.  I am saying "Mostly, at work, I want to be told what to do and everywhere else please ask me what to do and then leave me the freak alone".  I know what to do and how to do it.  I have learned how to ask for help at the appropriate time and to report any delays.  Some would say this is working together or cooperating.  I laugh and say, "Shut your mouth and that sucking sound with stop." Does that sound like a cooperative effort?  I did not think so either.

I have worked alone or more accurately independently for most of my life.  My older brother was "sensitive" and a thinker while my little brother was just little.  My sisters did not like me much so most projects I did on my own.  Dad would say, "Ok, we have to clean the house.  Girls, get the mops, Boys, you wash the windows and Matt (he used my name to distinguish me from boys I guess), you go cut the grass with a pair of scissors and watch out for the neighbor's pit bull, it seems a little testy since the vet visit."  At work the boss would say, one of the vice president of keeping you employed wants a tour, Bruce, you and Marc show him the Exploration Station, Liz, you and Nancy show him the labs, Matt you stay in your office with the door close so he does not ask you any questions.  If you have nothing to do, go home early!"   I am very used to working independently.

In most countries, people of differences work independently and accomplish great communal goals without anyone telling them to do so.  I wish  I had a bagel for ever time I have attended a "diversity workshop" celebrating Native American Indian diversity.  I get to the conference and everyone but me has red skin and black hair. I attended an IRA/Chechnya/Arabian Cooperative mixer.  Not only was I the only blond haired guy in there, I was the only one that did not bring a serious explosive device.  In spite of that, the dancing and the finger food was terrific.  I used to work with a guy that I was not allowed to talk to.  I would just leave him messages on a 3 inch by 5 inch card and he would do it.  I actually slipped them under the door some times.  Funny thing about him, he ran the beer booth at the Catholic Fair every year.  I gave him a 3X5 card that said, "three beers please".  He gave me free beer for the next several years.   I think he is dead now  He was not very cooperative and worked in solitude.  He taught me a bunch of stuff.  He had a great saying about history and things that happened in the past.  "So What? You can still do what you want".  People would say, "Joe, you can not do it that way.  Safety will not approve it."  He would say, "So what, I am doing it."  He would do it and sometimes but not very often, those  "no people" would come and dismantle or turn off his contraptions.  He would change the locks on his office door and put up his "fumigation in progress" sign.  I would just slip my card requests under his door.  I tear up when I think of him.

If we want to be a great people, we must be as individual as we can non violently be individual. 

10 Thing I know about Fishing Part 5

5. The number of good hooks in your tackle box is "just a few" if the fish are biting. With the first catch, the fish will swallow the hook and then you will realize that you only have three hooks left. All of a sudden, you have 735 lead weights of various sizes, one plastic bobber, and one cork bobber with a hunk taken out of it and at least 57 copper looking swivels. While digging through the bait bucket you find an unopened box of rusted and most likely (do not rush to throw away anything) useless fish hooks. So, you cut the line and place the fish on the stringer. You tie on a new hook, install the fattest worn you can find and cast with complete optimism that you will catch another even bigger fish. "Three hooks should do for an entire day" you say out loud not realizing that you just jinxed the entire fishing trip with that proclamation. Suddenly you hook a huge something and you pull and scream. "I got a big one, get the net." Bobby always says, "What net?" You pull hard to drag the beast to the surface and the line comes out of the water. "He must have spit out the hook" except there is no hook on the line. The knot must have slipped and the fish got away. Two hooks left and one of them is so large it must be for shark fishing. This fishing trip has lasted eleven minutes so far and I am down to one hook. "I know!"

6. You will need tackle. No matter how much money you spend on tackle, the box is always empty when you want to go fishing. With the exception of an old piece of hot dog and a three pound lead weight, you need everything. The hot dog looks as good as the day it was bought and may come in handy some afternoon. The three pound triangular shaped weight must have been from that ill-fated surf fishing contest that can be summed up as "Fish -- 5, fisherman --0". That is the one where your dog decided to eat the

Portuguese Man of War and everyone thought he had rabies. You did not have a leash and restrained him with you backup pole with 100lb test line. Everyone kept thinking you hooked your dog. The beach patrol wanted to shoot your rabid pet with a spear gun and oh yeah, dogs are not allowed on the beach. "Hey, is your dog OK or is his head supposed to be that color?" The items you need for going fishing are something to drink, a pole with fishing line, a hook, some bait and a hat. The items you need for catching fish are pole, stringer, hooks, bobbers, different baits, drink, hat and something to sit on other than the ant infested ground. Some people like music, snacks and a friend, girl or otherwise. Even if you are fishing in a boat, keep it simple. I know a guy that takes fresh water tackle; fly tackle, heavy tackle with four kinds of bait to go fishing in a pond. You need a sharp knife with a point. You need to defend yourself against the elements. You are out challenging nature and defending a way of life. A butter knife will not do the trick. Size does not really matter, just as long as you can stick something with it, then you are good to go. Keep the gadgets to a minimum. Toys may be great for talking up a good fishing trip but you do not need them. I saw a lady on a cane pole and bread catch fifty three fish and I was sitting eleven feet away using the same setup and only got sunburn and some mosquito bites.

7. Ants love fishing. At least in Florida, within thirty seconds of you setting up your fishing spot, Satan's friend and constant companion the fire ant will be on your bait, pole or ankle. I not only know that fire ants can jump, I am quite sure they can fly. Once, I saw a fire ant jump from a blade of grass to my ankle when it sounded the attack and his minions simultaneously bit me in the crotch right near "Batman" and "Robin" and on my ear lobe. How did they get there so fast and how do they know where to bite? Even though fish do not have ears, I am quite sure my request for the "Angel of Death to come quickly" scared off every creature for an acre in any direction. Once, I took an old hot dog nub with two hundred or so ants on it and put it on a big ole hook. Those little red buggers do not know who they are fooling with, I thought. I mean, there is no end to my hatred for those red, fear inducing, painful flecks of fire. I gently swung the wienie into the water hoping some giant caviar laden Sturgeon would suck it down, ants and all. After about ten minutes including a short nap, the bobber disappeared and something was enjoying the hot dog with ant sauce and it was something big. The grand fish must have swallowed the hook because while I was napping, those friggin ants had climbed out of the water, up the fishing line back down the pole and were obviously very upset about the swim and were eating the flesh off my hands that were wrapped firmly around the pole. My convulsions yanked the pole, hook, hot dog and some sort of snakehead looking fishzilla out of the water and into the Eucalyptus tree. The snake head fish was more hideous than reported. It was snorting and dangling within inches of my face. I fell back off the five gallon bucket and into some high grass. The ants looked like paratroopers invading Baghdad as they leaped onto my body. I have scars from that fishing trip.

8. Moms do not like cleaning fish. If you want your mother to cook fish for your dinner, you better clean it and make sure you get that little bit of dangly thing in the back of the head. It matters that you rinse it off and put it in a plastic bag also. Disposing properly of the guts and scales is part of "going fishing". My parents had a rule, "if you kill it, you eat it". This went for birds, snakes, fish and any living creature with the exception of lizards. Mom hates lizards and frogs but do not kill them either way because she is not cooking them. Mom may clean and cook your "first" fish but her excitement will quickly turn to "I did not give birth to you so I could be your slave". Some fish you just slice up, or fillet. Others fish you have to drag the guts out and cut off the fins. Clean your own fish. A long time ago I was in a class, (Invertebrate Biology) where we had to dissect a baby shark. The two foot long spiny dog shark (Squalus acanthias) was going to be a chance to learn about animals that do not have bones. Brent, my lab partner was a big old boy and had fits of craziness. He looked in the mouth of the shark and said, Hey, there is a tongue in there. See if you can pull it out." Well, my hand was smaller than his so I put my hand in the sharks mouth. Brent smashed down hard on the shark's head effectively biting into my hand. I let out a yell and tried to pull my hand out. The dog shark came off the table and was waving around like he was alive. While the shark was still attached to my hand,

I grabbed a dissection needle which looks like a nail on the end of a stick and stabbed it through his forearm and into the wooden table. He yelled "he stuck me". I was bleeding, he was bleeding. What a great class. I made Brent dissect the shark while I attended my bite marks.